Completely over ex but still sad about something

[LKDag]

I was dumped by my ex girlfriend back in the end of October. Honestly, I had checked out of the relationship because of the constant fighting the two of us did, and was still in it because I guess I was more "afraid" of being alone. She initiated the break-up, citing her health (she has health problems) and school and not being able to focus on those things and a relationship at the same time. I was upset but at the same time, a little relieved. The break-up call didn't exactly end on a note of finality, and I spoke with her a day or two later. I communicated my desire to remain friends. She agreed, and for the next few months, we were (or I thought we were anyway). I admit that we did slip up and have sex once, maybe a week or two after the break-up, but over the next couple of months, I made sure to make it clear that we were friends. I'd give her hugs when she needed them (school and health issues, as mentioned above), but I tried to keep physical contact to a minimum. If she tried to hold my hand, I'd tell her that we were friends now and friends didn't do that. If she asked to cuddle, I'd tell her that we were friends now and friends didn't do that. I didn't want to lead her on, so I tried to avoid anything that I thought might, and made sure to say stuff like "we're friends now" when she suggested stuff that could be iffy.

 

I got back into the dating game a few months later we broke up. Coincidentally, we both reopened our OK Cupid profiles within a day or so of each other, and she messaged me on the site (in a joking way) and texted me right after. I met my current girlfriend on there. She added me on Facebook and then when we became like formal boyfriend/girlfriend, she requested that I confirm we're in a relationship. My ex was friends with me, so she'd see. I don't know if it was the right move or not, but I felt that she deserved to be told (not in a rubbing it in way, but as a heads-up kind of way), so I called her. She got upset, was saying that she thought we were going to get back together, and things like that. I communicated that we had been broken up for like six months, we were just friends, and that I never knowingly led her on. After a day of her being upset, she called me and we spoke for about a half-hour or so. She was calm and we mainly talked about normal stuff. The fact that I had a new girlfriend came up minimally and when it did I tried to steer the conversation back to less "intense" stuff. We hung up on a high note. I texted her a few days later, just a kind of "hows it going", but got no response. I didn't think of it, because there's plenty of times in the past that's happened and plenty of times I've ignored/forgotten a text. I texted her again a few days later, something like "man this weather is crazy" and got a response telling me to never contact her again. I haven't, she hasn't contacted me, and it's been about two weeks. As a side note, during our last talk, she kind of off-handedly mentioned how she was having trouble meeting guys and that the one guy she did meet was a who acted nice but when turned into a real creep when he got what he wanted (which I am assuming was some kind of one-night stand situation?). With that in mind, I feel like she's more angry that she's having problems finding someone and that I won't be there as an anchor when she needs me or something to that effect, which is kind of two-faceish, given she's upset that I pursued a new relationship. That sounds a little more "evil" writing it down, but I'm not exactly sure how to convey it.

 

But, anyway, I don't know why I feel like this. I'm completely over her, and my current girlfriend, I don't think I've ever been as into a girlfriend as I am her. I'm not physically attracted to my ex any more and honestly, I feel like she brought very little to the relationship (medical issues, semi-major issues with her family, student with no job or money), which is why I checked out of the relationship before the actual break up. Do I miss the concept of her just being there as a friend to talk to? Am I confusing sadness with worry (as in I hope she doesn't those above health/family issues that, when I was around, I did what I could to smooth out)? My parents got divorced when I was a little kid and it was pretty bitter- am I going through some kind of Freudian thing where I subliminally don't want to relive that kind of stuff and want to have a relationship end on a good note instead of hate and complete separation (only semi-kidding about that one; seems kind of possible lol)?

[nutbrownhare]

You don't say how long you and your ex were together, but it's natural to grieve for a relationship even if you're relieved to be out of it. Ten years ago, I ended a relationship of around 8 months because he was rapidly turning into an abusive nightmare, but songs that reminded me of him would bring a tear to my eye for several months afterwards.

 

This is why NC is so useful; while you're being "friends" with an ex, you are effectively preventing yourself from moving on. What you're experiencing now is the grieving which could have happened when you first split up. She dumped you, and if you hadn't already checked out of the relationship, you could have been very painfully strung along by her over the last few months. You owe her nothing, especially as she finished it in the first place - it's hardly appropriate for her to get upset because you've moved on!

 

She's doing you a favour by not contacting you, as it means that your new relationship actually stands a chance without dog-in-a-manger type interventions from your ex. And if she DOES contact you - try not to get sucked back into the games; she sounds immature and selfish and won't do either you or your relationship any good.