~~~ Independence Day ~~~

[temperamental_taurus]

So I'm moving out on April 30th - MY Independence Day... and every minute that ticks by feels like torture to me... It's been about 4 days since I told him I was leaving. Being around him is hard. I am SO ANGRY... I'm angry that he is an alcoholic, I'm angry about everything he's done and everything he HASN'T done. I feel like I need to lash out and hurt him emotionally for all the pain he has caused me. I look at him and can only see a pathetic weak man consumed by his own personal demons - he almost makes me physically sick. A friend handed me a pamphlet today called "Alcoholism, A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial"... and all I had to do was read the first few paragraphs and I could have sworn they had written this about me. How predictable the whole cycle with an alcoholic is. How predicatable the partner's life is - when envolved with someone with this disease. As I read further, I just kept saying "Wow....wow... WOW" and my entire life for the last year was laid out right before me. I got goosebumps and almost cried... the failing of this relationship ISN'T MY FAULT. AND I'M NOT CRAZY!!! This is what life with an alcoholic is... and you know what??? I DO NOT ACCEPT THAT FOR MYSELF!!!!!!! I wish to God it was April 30th already... I hate going home, I hate having to deal with any of this for even ONE MORE MINUTE!!!!! I'M TIRED OF BEING RESENTFUL AND ANGRY AND DISAPPOINTED!!!! I AM SO ANGRY WITH HIM FOR BEING SICK!!!

[DN]

I think I suggested AlAnon to you before and repeat the suggestion - they may be able to help you deal with all these feelings.

[temperamental_taurus]

Yes, this pamphlet IS from Al-Anon, and with it she included a Meeting List for Al-Anon groups with numbers, locations and times. I had asked her yesterday if I could accompany her to a meeting. I will be attending them for sure... thanks for your suggestion, it's amazing once you quit keeping quiet about it how many other people have been down this very same road and are there to support you... I'm very thankful for the many caring people in my life right now...

[DN]

Some time in late middle age my father became an alcoholic. I was living in another country at the time and could do nothing to help, but my sister and mother got him to finally see a doctor who checked him into rehab. He joined AA and it worked for him, he never drank again. He became a counsellor for AA and then later felt no need to go anymore.

 

He was one of the lucky ones, he had not been drinking heavily for long and was able to give it up comparatively easily before it cost him his job, home and family. My father was a good, decent, hard-working man who did his best for his family but succumbed to a weakness for awhile until he found the strength from within, and from AA, and his family to deal with it.

 

Others have it much harder, and lose everything before they can recover, some never do. But it is an illness, with mental and physical and those of us who do not suffer can find it in our hearts to pity them and help them if we can. But sometimes, you cannot help them, for they will either not recognise or will not admit that they have a problem. In that case, you must protect your own interests and you, temperamental_taurus, have done the right thing. I hope AlAnon will help you come to terms with what has happened and the bitterness and anger you understandably feel.

 

Good luck. I hope all goes well for you.

[temperamental_taurus]

Thank you for your kind words and support - and for letting me vent!!!