When Does it Get Better?

[MyLifeMyChoice]

Here I am, thousands of miles away from my ex in my hometown, moved to a new place, and will start my internship tomorrow. I've been in my hometown for 2 weeks now and have hung out with friends, and yet, I still miss him. It's been exactly a week since the last time we talked. And I still miss him.

 

He doesn't want to do long distance, while I do, claims he wants to be friends while I'm away and pick things up 3 months after my internship. We lived together for a little over a year, and before I found out about my internship out of state, he wanted to get married and have babies. We talked about our future together. And now, he doesn't even want to try to make it work, claiming that "I'd be leaving him to pursue my dream while he stays." I didn't know what else I could do to reassure him that I love him and only want to be with him, but I don't know if his insecurity just couldn't deal with it, or perhaps LDRs are just deal breakers for him.

 

I've done everything possible to try to get on with my life. I've been trying to focus on my internship, been hanging out with friends and family, been reading, been killing it at the gym....but I still constantly check my phone, hoping he'd call or text. Nothing.

 

I know it gets better eventually. But I'm still so sad and depressed and still long for him. Do you think it's okay to just text him and say hi? But even then, I just keep thinking about how I've always been the one trying to make it work or yielding to him. He used to want to make things work when we'd get into arguments, but the past few months, I was always the one yielding.

 

When will this get better? I just need words of comfort right now...

[Andrina]

After living with someone for a year, if he didn't want to do temporary long distance, then I'd realize he's just not that into me and I'd go no contact. Military families are separated all the time. When you care enough, no matter the situation, you try to make it work. You are doing something beneficial for your career. A man who loved you would support you. This man doesn't.

 

Go no contact and realize your dream man will be found in another guy, eventually. It might take 4-6 months, on average to get over someone, but that's with strict no-contact rules. Every time you speak to him, it sets you back to square one. He's your past now, since he was willing to let you go to date others, and he's choosing to date others too. That's the point of him not wanting to stay with you. You're the treasure, so start acting like one, and you'll eventually attract a decent man who will never leave, not even once. Take care.

[WombatShadow]

I do find it really weird that he won't give you three months of an LDR. That's nothing in the grand scheme, and it makes me wonder if he'll run away every time something less-than-preferable comes up in your relationship. It also kind of reminds me of those people who want a break specifically because there's someone else they want to try out before making a formal decision on the relationship's future.

 

If I were you, I'd be wary of getting back with this guy when the time comes, and I definitely wouldn't be putting all my eggs on that time actually coming.

[MyLifeMyChoice]

After living with someone for a year, if he didn't want to do temporary long distance, then I'd realize he's just not that into me and I'd go no contact. Military families are separated all the time. When you care enough, no matter the situation, you try to make it work. You are doing something beneficial for your career. A man who loved you would support you. This man doesn't.

 

Go no contact and realize your dream man will be found in another guy, eventually. It might take 4-6 months, on average to get over someone, but that's with strict no-contact rules. Every time you speak to him, it sets you back to square one. He's your past now, since he was willing to let you go to date others, and he's choosing to date others too. That's the point of him not wanting to stay with you. You're the treasure, so start acting like one, and you'll eventually attract a decent man who will never leave, not even once. Take care.

 

Thanks for your response. I really appreciate your perspective.

 

Here's the thing, and I don't know if I'm just defending him, but basically, he chose to "let me go" because once I get back from my internship, I will only have 4 months left in the same city we lived in, and I don't know if I'll stay in the same city or not. The most likely possibility, given the circumstances is that if I convert my full-time internship into a full-time job, then, I'll definitely need to go back to my hometown since that would be the only job opportunity I have. His excuse for not moving with me, no matter how much I tried to convince him, is that he hates rainy weather. It was one of the reasons he moved to the city we both live in.

 

Does that change anything?

[MyLifeMyChoice]

I do find it really weird that he won't give you three months of an LDR. That's nothing in the grand scheme, and it makes me wonder if he'll run away every time something less-than-preferable comes up in your relationship. It also kind of reminds me of those people who want a break specifically because there's someone else they want to try out before making a formal decision on the relationship's future.

 

If I were you, I'd be wary of getting back with this guy when the time comes, and I definitely wouldn't be putting all my eggs on that time actually coming.

 

Thanks for your response. That's what I thought too, that maybe he's into someone else. But then after I found out about my internship, he actually asked his work if he could transfer back to his own hometown on the east coast because he said staying on the west coast (where we both live) wouldn't be worth it since I'd be gone anyway. When an opportunity at his work came up that would have made him move back to his hometown right away, I actually had to ask him not to take it because I told him I would find a job in our city so we could be together. So he decided to "stay".

 

This is the type of guy who told me that if he gained 50++ pounds or because obese, then, he would preemptively break up with his girlfriend and be single for lie. He said this way before I found out about my internship. It makes me think that he's a pre-emptive type of person....break up with her before she dumps me.

 

I know this is new information, but this is all coming back to me now. Does that change anything?

[MyLifeMyChoice]

I woke up today still thinking about him. I hate this!

[MyLifeMyChoice]

Sorry to double post...I hit send too early. Do you think he'll ever contact me again?

[hrb23]

Sorry to double post...I hit send too early. Do you think he'll ever contact me again?

 

He probably will but your goal is to not care at that point. He made a conscious decision not to be with you so even if he does care he doesn't care ENOUGH to be what you deserve.

[MyLifeMyChoice]

He probably will but your goal is to not care at that point. He made a conscious decision not to be with you so even if he does care he doesn't care ENOUGH to be what you deserve.

 

I realize that may be the case. I just don't know if he was being preemptive. On my last weekend, he finally decided to give it a try. We had a talk and he bawled his eyes out. He said he wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing of letting me go. He said he didn't care for anyone else, didn't want to date anyone else. He even said that he wanted to go back to his home state since there was no reason for him to stay.

 

My theory is that he may be so insecure and couldn't deal with long distance. I just don't want to give excuses. I just want to get over him.

 

Any other possible explanation would be appreciated!

[Andrina]

Dry weather won over you. I'm sure he has good qualities, which is frustrating because you partially found what you wanted in a man, but when there was a pothole in the road, he bailed. Hold out for the man who will make sacrifices to be with you. A man who will have discussions to come to a consensus with you, which makes it clear he wants you for a lifetime, and you two can consider every pathway to get what you both want.

 

One day, when you meet "the one," you will see why this relationship in your past didn't work out and be grateful it didn't. I've been there.

[MyLifeMyChoice]

Dry weather won over you. I'm sure he has good qualities, which is frustrating because you partially found what you wanted in a man, but when there was a pothole in the road, he bailed. Hold out for the man who will make sacrifices to be with you. A man who will have discussions to come to a consensus with you, which makes it clear he wants you for a lifetime, and you two can consider every pathway to get what you both want.

 

One day, when you meet "the one," you will see why this relationship in your past didn't work out and be grateful it didn't. I've been there.

 

You make a good point...I just wish I could tell my heart to coordinate with logic.

 

I miss him so much it hurts.