Worst end to an almost-relationship

[owleyes5]

Hi everyone. I'm a 25 y/o female and ended an almost-relationship a couple months ago with a guy I REALLY liked. Long story short...ended up finding out that he wasn't as honest of a person as I thought. He was already seeing another girl before I came into his life and continued to see her after we started talking. I also found out about a couple other things he lied about while we were seeing each other. I confronted him about one of the lies (not about the other girl) and he covered it up with a story that didn't really line up with the dirt I have on him. He also told me that I should do whatever is right for me. I ended up deleting him on everything without warning and decided to move forward. It hasn't been as easy as I thought, and it hurts that he probably doesn't even care/hasn't tried to contact me at all since I confronted him. What's worse...he went on vacation with the other girl a couple weeks ago. I have her social media and keep tabs on her frequently. It's horrible and is not helping me move on at all! I just feel pathetic for pining away over this guy when a) he's a liar b) wasn't a very good match for me anyway and c) it's been a couple months. I've been obsessing over their relationship I know nothing about and why he has seemed to choose her over me. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on this. Thanks in advance!

[Generica]

Hi everyone. I'm a 25 y/o female and ended an almost-relationship a couple months ago with a guy I REALLY liked. Long story short...ended up finding out that he wasn't as honest of a person as I thought. He was already seeing another girl before I came into his life and continued to see her after we started talking. I also found out about a couple other things he lied about while we were seeing each other. I confronted him about one of the lies (not about the other girl) and he covered it up with a story that didn't really line up with the dirt I have on him. He also told me that I should do whatever is right for me. I ended up deleting him on everything without warning and decided to move forward. It hasn't been as easy as I thought, and it hurts that he probably doesn't even care/hasn't tried to contact me at all since I confronted him. What's worse...he went on vacation with the other girl a couple weeks ago. I have her social media and keep tabs on her frequently. It's horrible and is not helping me move on at all! I just feel pathetic for pining away over this guy when a) he's a liar b) wasn't a very good match for me anyway and c) it's been a couple months. I've been obsessing over their relationship I know nothing about and why he has seemed to choose her over me. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on this. Thanks in advance!

This is going to be a little tough love:

 

1. If you decide to move on from a relationship because you see red flags and decide that's the best course of action for you, then do that. This whole line of thinking that "he probably doesnt even care that im gone..." is NOT why you ended the relationship. If all you want is for him to be hurt that you left and for him to pine over you, then youre being dishonest to yourself like he was.

2. Stalking his gf on FB is pretty low. You want him to think youve forgotten he exists and that youre an adult and doing the healthy thing and whats best for you but what youre really doing is turning your back on him then peaking to see if he's noticed, to see if he's stumbled at all in his life.

 

If you want to be happy and healthy and prove TO YOURSELF that you're better off, go be happy, healthy and prove you are in fact better off. Stalking and wishing he was hurt over the loss of you are only affecting your life (in a very negative way, i might add). What youre doing right now is childish...youre sort of throwing an adult-sized temper tantrum because you see no evidence to indicate that his life HASN'T fallen apart with the loss of you.

 

Go be an adult, go be happy!

[SooSad33]

Advice? Stop following them.

 

I'm guessing he was maybe confused a little on which gal to go for.. during his time with you.

 

I know how it feels.. coming to like someone and it ends up a dead end for one reason or another Especially when you liked them.

 

I guess, in time they'll come to see if they're compatible as well... within time of returning from their trip. Cause often that's when you can really come to see how a person is.

 

Time is all... work on letting go.. and healing.

[owleyes5]

This is going to be a little tough love:

 

1. If you decide to move on from a relationship because you see red flags and decide that's the best course of action for you, then do that. This whole line of thinking that "he probably doesnt even care that im gone..." is NOT why you ended the relationship. If all you want is for him to be hurt that you left and for him to pine over you, then youre being dishonest to yourself like he was.

2. Stalking his gf on FB is pretty low. You want him to think youve forgotten he exists and that youre an adult and doing the healthy thing and whats best for you but what youre really doing is turning your back on him then peaking to see if he's noticed, to see if he's stumbled at all in his life.

 

If you want to be happy and healthy and prove TO YOURSELF that you're better off, go be happy, healthy and prove you are in fact better off. Stalking and wishing he was hurt over the loss of you are only affecting your life (in a very negative way, i might add). What youre doing right now is childish...youre sort of throwing an adult-sized temper tantrum because you see no evidence to indicate that his life HASN'T fallen apart with the loss of you.

 

Go be an adult, go be happy!

 

You're right. Thanks for the tough love! I need to commit to stop looking at his/her stuff online. We aren't friends and her profile is public so it's not hard to find all of the updates. I accidentally liked one of her pictures one time (oops) so I'm just gonna hope she doesn't know I exist...

[owleyes5]

Thanks for the tough love! I should definitely be honest with myself and stop keeping tabs on their social media. I even accidentally liked and quickly unliked one of her posts on Instagram (really embarrassing) so I'm praying that she doesn't know who I am or that HE doesn't know that I know about her...

[ShatteredMan]

One of the best things I ever did was disable my social media accounts. Not only do you remove the triggers/temptation to creep your ex, you don't have to hear all the pissing and moaning from friends about political and social issues from whatever viewpoint they have and want you to share. After a while, you don't miss it.

 

Your friends and family know how to get a hold of you and they don't need FB to keep tabs on you either.

[canadianparrot]

Uhh I was in the "new girlfriend's" position, only that I could see her stalking me. On the facebook version of where I am from, I could see which countries, cities, genders, age groups visit my page; some female from that girl's city and of her age group kept visiting my profile (and I know nobody from that city), so it was definitely her clicking on my page every singe day for six months straight. She still does that once every few weeks or so... I've been wondering what's inside that person's head.

 

It's obsession, not love, and you should try find someone else worth obsessing about (99,99% sure your ex isn't the only person in your area that you could admire and fall for). Talk on internet chats, make friends on online games, learn languages with other people by doing language exchange on italki-dot-com, just to break off from that pointless obsession and overthinking. I hope that helps!