How to help?

[tallydoo]

Asking for how to give advice to a friend. She's been seeing a guy for a few weeks and they moved super fast. He has a daughter, and has recently shown that he is incredibly psychologically abusive towards her. My friend now wants to break up with him.

 

1) What's the best way to do this? He knows where she lives and is worried about his reaction.

 

2) Is there any way she can help his daughter? No signs that she can tell of physical or sexual abuse or neglect. Just a straight up bunny boiler threat.

[glitterfingers]

Since she seems a little on the vulnerable side for agreeing to move so quickly with him, I would suggest that it's in her best interest to completely cut contact immediately and spend more time with friends and family who can help her process what's just happened.

 

There is probably nothing she can do about the daughter, I wouldn't personally. The only thing she could do would be to alert the mother (if she's in the picture) that she has concerns about him, but since it was such a short relationship I doubt the mother will even take this comment seriously. If there are no signs that the daughter is in danger, authorities will probably do nothing based off a comment that the father was "psychologically abusive" to a women he was involved with briefly. I mean - what are they really supposed to do? There are a lot of parents out there with less than stellar circumstances and a foster care system which is flooded with kids in real and immediate danger. If this child seems to be happy and healthy, it's possible that he's doing an alright job in that case, and that this relationship was just toxic and not meant to be

[Wiseman2]

She needs to sever whatever ties. Then tell him something neutral, any variation of 'it's me, not you', etc. to end it. Then change all her passwords and delete and block him from all social media and devices.

 

His daughter is none of her business. She needs serious therapy regarding boundaries if she thinks she wants to rescue his daughter after dating 'a few weeks'. She needs a therapist, help her by suggesting that.

 

Acting vindictive is bizarre after dating so briefly with zero evidence that there's a problem with the daughter. She sound a bit unhinged..

She's been seeing a guy for a few weeks and they moved super fast. he is incredibly psychologically abusive towards her. Is there any way she can help his daughter? No signs that she can tell of physical or sexual abuse or neglect.

[tallydoo]

Sorry, to clarify: the mother is an alcoholic and out of the picture. He has only been a bit controlling of my friend, which she recognizes as a red flag to get out. However, he was also psychologically abusive to his daughter in front of her: she was distracted from answering a question by a show about animals, and he made her cry by threatening to buy a dog and kill it in front of her if she couldn't focus. Hence why she's concerned about the daughter.

[Wiseman2]

After a few weeks dating she seriously needs to butt out. She's not cps, a social worker, the mother, family, or anyone. Tell her to butt out if she claims she so afraid of him. She has no boundaries. She shouldn't even be around his daughter after 'a few weeks of dating'.

 

What are you driving at? That she should stay with him to 'rescue the daughter' or call cps to stir up drama? Tell her to get out.Simple.

He has only been a bit controlling of my friend, he was also psychologically abusive to his daughter in front of her.

[glitterfingers]

She is not in any position where she can make a sound judgement call about the daughter, let alone act on it. Unfortunately most people don't take psychological abuse as seriously anyhow, because it's easier to defend as a once-off, joke-gone-wrong kinda thing. Sounds more like she's looking for an excuse to stay with an abusive person because she "wants to look out for his daughter". Just get her out of there

[Wiseman2]

Agree 100%. She should just cut all ties and stop her "mission".

Sounds more like she's looking for an excuse to stay with an abusive person because she "wants to look out for his daughter".