Sudden break up - help me understand!

[Damsel in Distress]

My ex dumped me at the beginning of February. We have had no contact since and I am a mess.

 

We were very close, it was a mid-distance relationship and spent 2-3 days together every week. On days we weren't together there were 1-2 daily phonecalls, usually from him, and several texts.

 

He tried to end it a week before Christmas. WE had a whole night of crying and talking it over, eventually I said if that's what he wanted that he should just go.

 

He did but came back two hours later, full of remorse, saying he didn't want to break up and was so so sorry. We got back together but Christmas and New Year were spent apart.

 

Six weeks after that first break up, he ended it again, this time badly. We were doing our normal phone and text things, although he had started saying horrid things to me. Then he suddenly didn't contact me for over 24 hrs, waited for me to call to see if he was ok, only to be told he wanted to 'call it a day'. When I asked why, he said 'It's the call of the wild'. He had been to a party without me the night before in his home town, and I can only assume he got off with someone else.

 

I can't stop crying and I feel sick. It's been two months now. I see my friends, I joined the gym, I've managed to keep going to work, but on Monday I broke down at my desk and had to go home - I haven't been back to work since.

 

I've been very strict about not calling him but I'm worried I'm going mad because I miss him so, even though I'm angry, and I don't know what I did wrong. He had a lot of baggage and issues, but so did I and I thought we were working them out together, supporting and loving each other.

 

Help! I don't want to get depressed or start taking anti-depressants but I am losingmotivation to look after myself... Help!

[xxserialkisserxx]

I know how it feels to be in a situation like yours and my best advice is to try hard to get over it becuase at this point if he hasn't come back then he probley won't......I know that sounds horrible....There are soooo many men out there and this just means that he wasn't the one meant for you....the one that is the one for you is still out there waiting for you to find him, who knows he might be right under your nose and you don't know it yet, in any case I wish you the best of luck and remember:

 

" This too shall pass"

Hope you feel better..

[h_b_k_02]

Sounds like you were doing good and just hit a nasty bump along the way.

 

Not only do you have to have the mindset that they aren't coming back, but you also have to be ready for things like these. I'm on N/C for 6 days, and basically talked once in 3 weeks, and have not seen my ex in 2 months. Yes, it is tough, and I hit a roadblock last night after going over 1 month without crying or anything.

 

Let me put it this way: Revenge is sweet. The quicker I get over my ex, the more elated I would be if she called to get back with me and I said "Um, no I don't think so". Evil yes, but called for.

 

Keep busy like you said. If not busy at work, that is when I find it most difficult (that and sleeping), so find something to do and stay active, it really helps.

[HajiMaji]

Everything you are feeling is normal. Please dont think youre mad because you are loosing modivation and feeling depressed. It hurts so bad to loose a loved one.

 

Right now is bad for you, try your best to get things done at work. Id hate for your career to suffer because of this. I know its next to impossible. My grades in college suffered after my break up, but i didnt fail out. Just keep with it.

 

Theres no real answer i can give you to make you feel at peace. Pain like this hurts real bad, but you can get through it. Realize its normal to feel really down and post on these forums as much as you can. Eventually youll start getting calmer and feeling better.

 

Almost everyone of us here has felt the same way you are feeling now. I know i did. Its the worst thing ive gone through! Life will get better i promise!

[Damsel in Distress]

Thank you for responses, but I've lost my momentum for keeping going.

 

I also got news yesterday that is not helping. My sister told me that she and my previous ex - who I went out with before this one - and the ending of which caused me to go into what was initially a rebound relationship that deepend - are on the brink of starting a romance.

 

He and I had managed to develop a friendship over the 18 months I was seeing the one who has just dumped me, although it was difficult whilst I was seeing someone new. By Christmas he was telling me he loved me and that he'd never felt so close to any woman before. I resisted his charms, for the sake of the man I was with, only to be dumped anyway. As soon as I was dumped my ex-ex ran a mile and started seeing someone new. Apparently that ended and he is now wooing my sister.

 

She and I have a close relationship and had been very supportive during these past two months of heartache. Now with this happening I feel I'm losing two of the closest friends - my ex-ex and my sister. Everything is being blown apart. I'm also worried for my sister because I'm afraid he will hurt her as he hurt me. But I am feeling so hurt myself that I am paralysed.

 

Good god, I feel so unloved and unlovable. I'm usually sensible and bright and don't suffer fools but I'm finding it so hard to understand what's going on in my life right now...

[h_b_k_02]

Wow, can't believe a sis would do that to you.

 

I honestly would never even forgive a friend for doing that to me, dating my ex, let alone one of my brothers.

 

Is it possible that that is the real root of what has caused this bump? Thinking about that guy is one thing, but perhaps it is coupled with the situation involving your sis and that is the real issue at hand, just masked.

 

If it makes you feel any better, I was hanging with 5 other buddies yesterday and noticed that I was getting ready to burst. That is when I knew it was time to leave, go for a nice walk, and then head home to my precious bed. By fighting the tears I managed to not cry, and now I feel stronger because of that.

[Damsel in Distress]

Thanks h_b_k_02

 

I know, I know. But when I broke down on Monday I didn't even know about my sis. She told me Tuesday, when she came to comfort me about having to leave work early on MOnday.

 

I don't know what's masking what any more.

 

I feel so confused and lonely, it's just dreadful. I'm trying so hard not to call my ex.

 

Thank you so much for your support, I do so appreciate it. I have made plans for tomorrow night, and for the weekend, but tonight is hard. It's my sis and my ex-ex's second date.I know where they are and I@m also fighting the urge to go and have it out with them - but I know that on many levels it's none of my business. It might just be that that's what's meant to be and I have to accept it. How, I don't know.

 

Thanks again. I'm so glad I found this site.

[h_b_k_02]

I know how it feels to be in a situation like yours and my best advice is to try hard to get over it becuase at this point if he hasn't come back then he probley won't......

 

Not to get your hopes up, but this, IMO, is not a logical statement. There is no timeframe to place on whether or not they will come back. The reason I have decided to let go is because I continued to pester my ex about how much time she needed, and then one day realized that it was doing me no good to continue asking.

 

You just have to move on under the assumption they aren't coming back. You have to train yourself to the idea that someone else will eventually come along, and in the meantime re-connect with friends you may have neglected since the relationship started, that is what I've been doing and it seems to work. I also believe firmly that I won't even totally move on and realize 100% she isn't coming back until I find another love, not "soulmate" or "the one", because that doesn't exist IMO, but someone you can see yourself sharing your life with, ups and downs

 

If he comes back, the choice is his to ask and then it will be your decision whether or not you can "trust" he is being sincere. If you can have control of your emotions you can have control of any situation that may occur.