Should I wait or is he just being nice, my first love is gone!

[Katesharpe]

This is my first go at one of these things, so here goes nothing.

 

I am currently soo sad due to a recent breakup. You may ask how this break up happened, but like most, it's a long story. I will start from the beginning...

 

I first started talking this guy, lets call him Alex, during the end my senior year of high school. Alex is a year older than me so he was in his freshman year of college at the time. We had great conversations, were so comfortable around each other and all that but I was always so hesitant to actually be with him because I never thought that he was over his ex, he was still in contact with her at the time and continued to "be there" for her a year into our so-called relationship. I say so-called because I thought he still had feelings for her so I never committed.

 

Throughout the years he has been the perfect man to me, despite the fact that for the next two years I insisted we remain in a open-relationship. I did this for two reasons, one because i was scared to get hurt again and two so that he would be able to live out his college life and not have any regrets. For these three years he has always begged me to just be his girlfriend and that he didn't want an open-relationship. But I was dumb and didn't believe him, but still loved him very much. The last year of us being together I couldn't take that my uncertainty was hurting him so much so I tried ending things multiple times. We always ended up back together and just spent this last summer together and it was amazing. We both really loved each other then and throughout everything we went through it always was us in the end.

 

Once school rolled around, now he is a senior in college and I a junior, I tired ending things again. This didn't work, so we would see each other and then try and end things again. The last time I saw him was april 1st, and we had a great time together and I said we should take some time as you finish up college. THEN he finds someone else along the way, someone who is more than just a casual hookup - I'm talking Instagram pictures We were together the first day of April, and now we are completely over due to the new person in his life and I hate myself for being so foolish!

 

I am completely broken inside and feel like I mean nothing to him. I panicked and reached out to him multiple times trying to win him back. He said some pretty confusing things to me after I poured my heart out to him and promised I would change. I asked him if we can be together now and he said "not now" but then he said he is not sure how long this new relationship will last and that he would want to try again with me. I asked him if he wanted me to wait (I know, so stupid) and he said he would really like me to, it's just he doesn't want to keep me waiting because he knows it will hurt me and that he isn't sure how everything will play out with his new girl. I know it would hurt, but he is the only person I have ever had feelings for so I would wait if I had to. He also said that she will be going back to school come September and he will be a graduate so he is not sure how he would feel about that..

 

I still am in love with this man, he was my first love and everything in between. I feel like I am going to lose him forever thanks to my mistakes. It has been 3 weeks and I feel worse everyday.

 

I am so lost, and hurt, and seeking some guidance with this entire situation. Any help would be appreciated thank you.

[Raggie]

Hey there. Unfortunately, there isn't any advice that I can provide to give you the outcome you want.

You'll have to take the tough route; the one that feels terrible but will help you heal faster and be stronger at the end.

 

Pragmatism is not native for me, but try to remember that you will have learned a lot about yourself from this. From what I read, you've learned that keeping people at arm's length does not protect you from being hurt. Go into future relationships with trust, openness and authenticity, and see where that gets you.

 

In the meantime, you should cut contact and focus on you. Take care of yourself.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. He's seeing someone so stop contacting him or begging pleading offering to change etc. You were on/off a lot and broke up a lot.

 

However the good news is you learned a lot. Especially about trying to over-control things and trying to think for people with preemptive strikes like "open-relationship".

 

Next time. Just be yourself. Get busy with your college life and start dating other guys. You need some experience.