41 and 16

[andy8]

he sounds like a real sick to me he is trying to play mind games with you trust me all he wants is for you to be legel and have sex with you then get out of you life he has problems get away from him if you can

[SparklingBlueIs]

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[KillaKali]

please dont take offense, but i am going to take the love line/howard stern type of response here.

 

how bad was your childhood? it doesn't sound good too me. were you molested as a child? often times this is the reason younger girls such as yourself fall for these older guys. and the neighbor your staying with doesnt sound like the most upstanding citizen. i know i dont know him, this is just from observation. no adult in their right mind should tell you its ok for you to see your former teacher when you are only 16 years old. that is very wrong.

 

you said, "You really don't know him at all. He's not playing "Mind games", and his intentions aren't waiting for me to reach legal age, if it was he could find someone else thats already legal."

 

that is simply not true. he is preying on you because you are the only young girl he can get. if he doesnt get you, then he will prey on another girl in your school. and more than likely, he already has.

 

this is a dangerous situation. i strongly suggest you talk to your school councilor about this. please understand i am not trying to be negative with you. but their are laws against these kind of things for a reason. this guy doesn't love you. he will never love you. you said yourself he will never leave his wife and kid. so that means that you mean nothing to him. you are just fun for him. he gets to make out with a 16 year old instead of his 40 year old wife.

 

please take this in a posative way. and please do yourself a favor and go and talk to your councilor about this immediately. dont make the same mistakes that alot of other girls make. he really is taking advantage of you. if you need some sort of help, i can help you look up websites on this sort of thing. and show you how to get help.

 

you really need to get out of this situation.

[SparklingBlueIs]

voooommmmmmiiitt

[larajenkins4]

this man should really have waited to you had left school, in a way i can understand him wanting to find out if you liked him, but i think its a little wrong the way hes gone about this, i mean hes married, ok so that doesnt stop him having feelings for you, because his emotions wont just be killed because hes married, but it does show how unfaithful he is, have you ever wondered if hes doing this with other pupils? i dont mean to be horrible towards him, but hes gone about this totaly the wrong way, its illegal, and he should have waited. and as for his son, that totaly shows how untrustworthy he is. would you be able to trust him after this? and i kno u love him, but u will move on with time, and i kno how it makes you feel empty when you're not around him, and you feel you have to be with him, i was kind of in the same situation, but it does get better, once you move away and dont see him so often, and meet new people, it gradually gets better and you will drift away, i really think you should, this man is unfaithful and i know he cant help his feelings, but its wrong and he has a son. just think about this carefully, and dont let him do anything to you, or else it wont just be him that gets in trouble.

if you ever want to talk, just pm me

good luck

[Caldus]

C'mon is it not obvious that this guy is trying to take advantage of you? He's married! It's ridiculous to even think about pursuing this if you're still thinking about doing so.

[RooferGirl23]

One time i was with a 51 year old when i was 20. crazy is what everyone called me. I have discovered that i have gained a great friend, but no promising future can ever come of it. 4 years later we are still great friends and get together from time to time. I would just enjoy the great company that you have with him, becaiuse weather or not he leaves his wife, you have made a great friend who is there for you. NOW: if he has sex with you while he's still married, remember this: what makes you think he wont do the same to you? especially when you start getting older and he is still interested in teens. All in all, love what you have, the great friendship, and take you time. "hold on loosely" is the best advice ever.

[SparklingBlueIs]

Thanks Roofergirl23 for your advice.

and I mean I don't plan or want really to have sex with him. I treasure my relationship with him as just a mental one.

 

IM me some time at CircusFreak96 (Anyone else can feel free to also)

[Hope75]

Sparkling,

 

You seem to have come to your senses and realize the limits of your relationship with this man and I think that is excellent. No doubt you have been through alot and that can age a person beyond thier physical age, and it really seems you are heading in the right direction, honors classes and commuting to school and most importantly staying in school despite everything you have been through. No one is ever going to take your education away from you and it is something you will use all of your life.

 

Having said that, I hope you continue to use good judgement and know that a married man more than twice your age is not a good partner for you and that when you are ready to fall in love it will be with someone who is 100% devoted to you and you alone.

 

I wish you all the best.

[PAdreamer]

Here's the deal. The man is married, with a child, is a high school teacher, and he's making moves on a 16 year old student. You may very well be different- more mature than other students your age. But this guy is at a far different place in life than you are.

 

If it's really okay, then why is he being sneaky about it? It's not just about society. It's about how YOU both feel about it too. If you feel the need to sneak around, that's a good indication that something about this relationship is wrong.

 

An older man is taking advantage of a hormone-controlled young lady. And it's wrong. It has nothing to do with the age gap. It has to do with the SCENARIO!

[hunterboyhun]

hey sparkling,

phew.... u sure stirred up a hornet's nest with this one. I'm a little surprised that people can still get so 'het' up over stuff like this when we are after all reading posts on an Age-Gap relationship forum. I'm not saying the advice they gave is wrong or bad, or that i don't agree with them but i feel people were surprisingly quick to slip into lynch mob mentality.

 

first, sweetie, yeh you do need to bail on this one. Yes, you feel alone right now, and you derive a great deal of strength from this relationship but if pursued it would 99% probability cause more tears than smiles.

 

The next 5-8 years are going to be filled with so many emotional, mental, and circumstantial changes for you that your view on who you are and what you want from life is going to change too... it doesn'y matter how grounded you feel you might be right now. It's biology, and physics and life and call it whatever else you want but i guarentee you that by the time you're 21 you'll have a seriously different view on your own life. You'll feel you need different things. Now this is ok, it's natural, and anyone who's kept a diary at 20 and looked back on it at the age of 30 will know what i'm talking about. It's like, oh that's not me, and you cringe and wonder how you ever used to think that way.

 

The problem is that this guy at 40+ has settled in his worldview and won't be able to keep up with your shift in personality and desires and mood as you get older. You may think he can, hell, HE may think he can, but take it from me, it's way unlikely. And to be honest at 41 this is a fact he should already be aware of, which in itself is a concern. If he was thinking seriously about this you would think he would show more sense of self-preservation, because he would definitely be heading for a fall with this one.

 

So, to sum up, power differences, age-gaps, teacher-student, all that stuff is there but i don't think any of that is even the main issue. It comes down to sheer compatibility and Sparkling, trust me on this girl, you may feel compatible now but really there's very little innate compatibility between a 41 yr guy and a 16 yr girl. You both comes from different times and have had completely different experiences of life. In the end this would drive you apart, leaving you feeling used, and him with a life in tatters.

 

Save both of yourselves the trouble, be the strong one, be smart. Even if it takes you another 10 years of wasted time to find a good relationship you'll still be a beautiful, young 26... which is a lot better off than me and many other posters on this forum.

 

Good luck, your conscience and heart will steer the way. Stay smart. Be good.

[hurtwou]

ok....I always say age is nothing but a number but come on, hes sick....thats consider rape....move on....find someone atleast closer to your age

[GuiltyAsCharged]

he married with child.

 

Aww, now that's rough. Are you sure you want to associate yourself with a serial pedophile?

[ComputerGuy]

OK so he's not ur teacher but he is A teacher. If the age gap was more like 17/22 or thereabouts it would be a slightly different matter, however the age gap stated I tend to agree with what DN said, you are being naive and he has issues.

[jenrob]

I am a 45 year old man. I don't think 16 is a good age to be getting serious with anyone. I have a daughter almost 16. But you didn't come to this site asking people to judge you. I think if he really loves you, he needs to end his marriage and then wait until you are 18 to continue this. I think age is just a number and I feel for you two. I know I am going to get a lot of flack for this.... Years ago when our great grandparents were alive an age gap of 20 or so years was common. When most people married people from their home town. I know a lot of 16 year olds that are mature and a lot of 35 year old woman that don't have a clue. So age doesn't matter. Your guy needs to end his current relationship then you two need to wait until you are old enough to make a rational decision. That may be 18 or 25. Just be careful! Don't turn this relationship into a physical one whatever you do!

 

jenrob

[Lexicon85]

I had a teacher very similar. He was very inspiring- everyone loved him- he was awared favorite and best teaching awards- he kept people in school and inspired them. He also tried to get in a large number of young girls' pants after they graduated (and after he groomed them in exactly the same way he is grooming you!), and was often successful. Each one felt special- thought they were the only one- but they were not! He could not control himself with multiple former students- and it was gross and wrong! And yes, the students he was attracted to were always strong and talented- not "like high school students" like you say about yourself.

 

I would bet anything that you are NOT the only one your teacher is grooming. He may already have had sex with former students, and he will have sex with others after you. And yes, he will make you feel in love and perhaps he really feels love. However, If he really loved you he would allow you to find an UNMARRIED boyfriend your own age!

 

This teacher is very gross. His poor wife and new child... it makes me sick... she married a high shool teacher who grooms sixteen year old children for his future cheating pleasure. He sends them hearts- how silly. He's taking advantage of your willingness to open up about your problems, and that you think that you very mature. I gauruntee you, I went through hell as a child, and had people commented on the same type of thing with me- how a fifteen year old could act like a thirty year old- but I was not mature enough to be able to stand up appropriately to my teacher and see how wrong and disgusting it actually was. A year in college was enough to give my clarity. I suggest the same for you.

[PAdreamer]

I think there's something bigger here than the facts that A) he's 41 and you're 17, and B) that he's a teacher at your school. He's MARRIED. I think any man who would rather have a secret relationship behind his wife's back than to be truthful with her is not a guy that you should be involved with. This shows his obvious disregard for honesty and loyalty in ANY relationship.