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Living with ex, want him back


Miastar

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Been with ex for 2.5 years, lived together for 1. He ended things a few weeks ago and said he "couldn't do it anymore". He is moving out within the next month, I'm sleeping in the bedroom and him on the sofa. He was very upset. We've since spoken properly twice where we outlined our problems and agreed it couldn't go back to the way it was - I think our lack of communication was a big issue. He gets very upset when we talk about it but is adamant he can't do the relationship.

 

We have brief chit chat when we see each other and last night we sat and watched tv together and it was light hearted and fun.

 

Part of me wants him gone asap so I can begin the healing/grieving process. The other part of me wants to use this brief time that we have to live together to work something out.

 

I'm heartbroken at losing him - we really were a good match (although I know we don't seem it anymore as things went bad) and had shared goals for the future.

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Sorry to hear this. What are the conflicts and have they been resolved? Moving out is a definitive step away from the relationship.

 

Did the problems begin when you moved in together? Is it your place or you got it together? Try to keep it about the business at hand regarding moving out, severing fiances, etc. Look for a roommate so you have someone to help with costs and some company.

 

Try to be out a lot and begin rebuilding the single life you had before you met.

He is moving out within the next month. is adamant he can't do the relationship. Part of me wants him gone asap so I can begin the healing/grieving process. The other part of me wants to use this brief time that we have to live together to work something out.
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I can't get a roommate as it's a one bed flat! I'm staying here for 6 months by myself then will look to buy my own place as this is a rented property (I'm not actually phased by staying somewhere where we both lived as I'm not going to attach emotional feelings to a flat - I'm actually looking forward to living alone as have always wanted to, plus I'm looking forward to renovating and buying new bits for the place and making it my own)

 

I think we moved in too quickly and out of convenience. I discovered he was active on Tinder about 6 months in and trust issues began. He really did try to prove to me he had seen the error of his ways and I certainly didn't let him forget it. Overall I'd say we had a lot of external factors that neither of us coped well with (job and money issues, death in family, worrying illnesses, plus it really was an adjustment living together). I don't think we communicated well and spent too much time being each other's shadow without having the freedom and space to live our own lives - we became very enmeshed.

 

I haven't coped very well - I have sought counselling 6 months ago to cope with my trust issues and general worries (I can get very anxious and I took a lot out of him) however I couldn't find the right therapist, although I have just started seeing someone very good recently.

 

I know all of this sounds very valid for the end of the relationship. And I agree and I don't want to go back to how it was. However I do want to move forward, together. Ultimately we share the same goals for the future and are incredibly similar in our views and have so many shared interests. I do feel it could work, but I know I need to work on myself (and I was already planning this more recentl, before the break up occurred - becoming more independent, not taking him for granted, getting a new job and learning to drive to boost my self esteem and independence)

 

I think he thinks I can't change.. plus he says he doesn't know what he wants anymore which I find a bit odd because he was certain before (in terms of life goals)

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Ugh - update. Last night we had brief chit chat again and spoke about our pets. Didn't discuss the situation or the break up.

 

I went to sleep at 11pm, woke up at 6:30am and he was gone. He was in the lounge when I feel asleep but must have gone out in the night.

 

I sent a brief text saying "morning! Hope you're okay as I guess you went out last night?" As I don't want to jump to conclusions but also thought it was a bit weird. I have asked that we keep lines of communication open whilst living together so that it isn't totally awkward.

 

But the fact he went out during the night seems so shady and weird to me, like where did he go.. is it as innocent as picking up a friend from work (which he's done before) or did he go and meet another girl.. in which case it's so disrespectful.

 

I'll see if he replies to me (he won't as he's taken to ignoring me if I ever send any texts). I presume he will be around this evening but who knows. He's acting so out of character and it's upsetting and baffling to me.

 

I'm tempted to ask him to move out by the end of the week as I've had enough of this heartache, especially if he's seeing someone else.

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