Help us get on the same page!!

[Bhojnacki]

So, I will start off by saying that I made an account on here just to get some advice about my situation. Anything I get will be greatly appreciated. So, thank you in advance.

 

Alright, where to start. I met my girlfriend at college. I am 21 and she is 22. We met in a class after I noticed her flirting with me for a couple of weeks. Finally one night after class she added me on Facebook, so I knew something was up. The very next week after our class she messaged me on Facebook and from there we hit it off. It took about only 10 minutes before we admitted that we thought the other was cute. She wanted me to come hangout that night but it was too late. We started dating about a week after we met and have been dating for a little over 2 months now (I know, too soon).

 

On a side note there is some information you need to know about my GF. About a year before we met she fell down a flight of 12 stairs and really injured her back bad. She has herniated discs in her back. She is in constant pain and it makes her crabby and miserable as she says. Side effects from that are numbness in her legs as well as her body feeling extremely weak. She spends 85% of her time at home sleeping. The only time she leaves the house is to go to work or school, that's it. She gets her mom to go make runs to the store for her if she needs anything. With that said, I always come over her house to see her instead of her coming to my house. That part is fine, though, I don't mind that.

 

Another thing you need to know about her is that she is quite a flirt. She works at a hospital and has slept with a majority of the doctors on her floor more than once before I met her. So, very often she gets texts from these doctors asking if she wants to hook up. Instead of saying "No, I have a BF" she flirts back with them and tells me that shes "just messing around with them" and that she won't actually do anything. I told her over and over that this bothers me and that I would like her to stop. She usually shrugs it off and stops for a day or two but then goes back at it because so many guys message her it's hard to ignore the fact.

 

The problems all started about 3 weeks into the relationship. One night while we were laying in her bed I noticed that she had recently texted her ex. So, I asked her what she said to him. At the time she was feeling very loopy from the pills she had to take before bed (pain medication for her back). So, she kinda scrolled through the conversation really fast and didn't make it seem like a big deal. She told me she didn't cheat on me and that it was no big deal. I gave her a second chance. Because I love this woman. A couple days later while she was at work I was able to get her to admit to cheating on me. So I told her if she wants me to stay around then she needs to tell him to leave her alone and block him. She said she was crying at work and that she was so sorry and felt horrible about it. She begged me to drop it and put it behind us and that it will never happen again. So, I said okay. That's fine. She said that she tried to give me hints about it but did not have the courage to tell me the truth. Deep down I lost trust with her and I always wondered where she was and what she was doing after work. Well, 2 weeks later I seen that she had sent more messages to him. I asked her why his name is on there and if I could read the messages. She let me read them, reluctantly. Turns out she texted him saying "hey don't forget about me". And he tried to get her to come over to cheat on me again. The conversation ended with him saying where are you so I am guessing she did not go there. She told me she was too tired. I asked her "so if you weren't tired you would have gone over there!?!?" She denied that and I again gave her another chance.

 

Fast forward to today, and we have new problems. Not only is my trust with her in the rebuilding stage but she also doesn't let me hangout with my friends often. Before I started dating her I hung out with my friends extremely often. About 4-5 times a week. My GF expects me to be over her house every time we don't have work or school. That is not really a bad thing to me because I love to see her, but I want to be able to see my friends, too. She says I can see them on the days she goes to work. She works 3 days a week and I work 5. Sometimes I work on all the days she does so I can't see my friends at all. I have no problem cutting back the amount of times I see them but I just can't completely throw them away. She never ever leaves the house and hangs out with friends but every time I say I have plans on a day we were gonna hangout she says "oh I'm not mad just do what you want, I'm gonna go out for a while, too." Now, I know she is saying that to get back at me. She told me one time that I was supposed to come over and didn't that she might go out to a party and her ex was gonna be there. She said "I'll try not to do anything stupid"...

 

These were some dark times in our relationship but don't get me wrong there are good times. We both openly admit that we want to get married and have kids. Finding a place to live together in the future is a frequent conversation. However, she said that needs to wait because apparently I am not ready because I "put my friends before her". That is not the truth, the truth is that I am trying to find a happy balance with her and my friends and it is not working. She thinks I haven't committed. When in all honesty she is my happiness. She makes me happy.

 

I know all of this is just a bunch of ramble and chaos but if you can put together something from what I said and give an answer I will be so appreciative. Basically, she broke my trust and now I am always paranoid. On top of that, she wants me to spend all my free time with her when she is not working. I stress to her all the time that I love her and that I just want to see my friends once in a while.

 

This is only my 2nd relationship in 21 years and most of it is still new to me. I don't get out much to flirt around so meeting her was a great addition to my life. I really want her to be my wife but I am always paranoid and now we fight often over this friend thing. What should I do? I tried talking to her about it but she usually just tells me to forget about it or she will lay down some new rules. The thought of being single and not being with her is terrifying. I really want to save our relationship. But I am not sure if the cheating and attention is really worth it and it pains me deeply to say that. I am just super depressed right now, please help me.

[hihihi13]

I'm so sorry to say, but she does not seem like a keeper. Her lying, cheating, and sketchy ways are a clear indication of this.

 

She is using your inexperience, and your pure heart to her own advantage. She is young, much like you, and she craves attention at this stage like most girls. Although she may talk about marriage or moving in, keep in mind that is just talk. Actions speak louder than words. The fact that she has betrayed your trust multiple times is also very telling. She knows she has you wrapped around her finger, and that you'll forgive her no matter what she does because you love her.

 

It does seem like you really love her and finding love is truly a great feeling, that no one wants to let go of. But you need to be fair to yourself. You are very young, and as cliché as it sounds, there's plenty of fish in the sea. You're in college, you will meet many new people that will actually appreciate your loyalty and love and not take advantage of it. There's no need to lose hope that you may not find someone who is genuine and a much better partner for you.

 

My advice is to hang out with your friends, maybe join a gym to get your mind off her. Also, make time to attend social gatherings where it's easy to meet people. Sorry to say, but d this girl, she does not have your best interest in mind.

[MonkeyHusband]

I agree with the previous poster - it seems you're in a very destructive relationship which you should try and move away from. I won't lie, when you love someone, no matter how crazy it appears to others, it will hurt when you leave them. But take it from me - I was in a destructive relationship for 2 and a half years where i was treated very badly at times - it hurt so much when it ended, but 6 months later a was back together and even found someone new.

I'm so sorry you're facing this situation, but you need to move on from her and concentrate on your self. It really doesn't sound like this girl is on your side - a relationship should be team.

[hyden]

I suppose 'seeing the forest from the trees' comes into play here. She controls you via threating to cheat on you if she doesn't get her way. You know the threat is real because she admitted to cheating on you. You are losing all your friends. And you want to make her your wife? Step back a few paces...no wait, turn around and run a mile. Then look back at this situation objectively. If you do not leave this situation, you will lead an unhappy life until you have finally had enough to end it. Then there will be a lengthy recovery, probably a healthy dose of child support and, oh yeah, still having to deal with her for the remainder of your life due to children. You are 21. I am 39. I met my ex-wife at 21. I may...possibly be speaking from experience. #hint #hint

 

EDIT - Apparently I forgot how old I was.

[Gabinete]

You two still seem young; honestly you are better off without her and can find someone better as soon as you are done with college. Like some say, she is trying to take advantage of you being young. A gym may not work unless you plan for it for full time.