question about cheating...

[smiles314]

hey guys...

 

I was wondering what people thought about a situation. I got involved with a guy a year ago.. And the time that I met him, he had recently be trying to get over a previous relationship that lasted about 1/2 a yr. From what I was told, he was in love with this girl at home but she had cheated on him, and that is how it ended. He seemed very upset by her cheating, and very hurt. Although he didn't say anything to me, it seemed like the thought of her and the situation always kind of bothered him, like he wanted to cry but didnt want to show it. A few months later we started dating , and it turned into a beautiful serious relationship. It ended once we separated from college, and were at our separate homes, 4 hrs away from each other. He broke it off with me, and never gave me a reason no matter how many times I had asked. He just said he didn't know, something just clicked for him. Inside, I didn't understand because he was so eager to stay together through the summer, and was jsut as happy as I was. After the summer, back at school..we began talking again and he was very on and off about wanting me back. He just didn't want a relationship anymore yet regretted what he had done to us. Anyway, I am very confused by everythign he has been doing and saying this last year, after our breakup..

 

I guess my question for you guys.. Is whether he could have some major issues, with insecurities and trust, from being cheated on. Despite the fact that he had said he did trust me, is it really possible that he could just be still hurt and messed up from everything? He does a good job hiding his fears and emotions, so it's hard to tell. But we had gone from being with each other everyday to not seeing each other for a month. Do you believe it is a possible reason? Any other advice about my ex, would also be appreciated...

 

THANKS!!!

[Justaguy21]

Man I was cheated on by my real first girlfriend and I was very insecure when my ex went to college 2 hours away. The insecurity grew but eventually went down after going down there and her being very affectionate with me in front of everyone. This guy is defintely confused. He loves you I believe and probably wants to work things out but may be also going through changes. My now ex used to be very insecure with her looks and blossomed into this beautiful women and only really got attention from me and now she is in college all these guys want her and I think she is taking advantage of me and the situation, almost like she is basking in all the attention from these admireres. Not saying he's doing that but just my thought of how some insecure people are. He's confused, she's confused. They don't know what they want but they want us too. I know how you are feeling smiles and I'm sorry. You've got it better then I do though. My ex said she would never ever love me like that again after telling me a week before talking about our marraige. ARG! Buttt... he shouldnt still be hurting, maybe unless you've given him reason otherwise to worry about his relationship. I know that a women who communicates fully and is very attentive to her boyfriends physical attributes, you can boost their confidence, or he just may still be scarred. I don't know if this post helps, but if it does good.

-me

[cookies]

I dont know why some ppl seem to be as confused as they are, and flip back n forth at times. Thats heartbreaking, and can sumtimes cause the other to become a bit insecure thinking something is wrong with them, when it may not be.

 

It may be the fact that he went back home for the summer, and ran int his X, and his feelings flared up again, and they overwhelmed him, and he realized just how much he love her still, and couldnt bear the thought of hurting you,...knowing he still had feelings for her. Again, that may not be the case...but really likely...

 

Situations like these are really not healthy to be in. All you will do is spend a huge majority of ur time, trying to figure out what happened, and how can u make things right. But sometimes, we just cant, and have to face the music. Talk to him, and see if you can get him to really open up with truthfulness, without being accussative, or invading his space too much, because guys like and NEED time alone to sort things out sumtimes. If he withdraws from you, please do not run after him,...when hes ready to talk ..he will be back.

 

IN the meantime, allow urself pampering time, to make u feel good in the midst of it all. Find things to occupy ur mind and time to stop thinking about him as much.

 

cookies

[Gilgamesh]

This is why its so important to fully heal before getting into a new relationship, he never really healed his wounds after his ex cheated on him.

 

Stay in contact with him, but allow him his time and space, if you think he has potential then be patient with him eventually he may get past this. when he does he will be able to love whole heartedly.

 

On the other hand if he continues to repress his emotions and not allow himself to feel them then let them go, then this may be a problem that will be around a very long time.