becoming out of control

[stones]

It's been a coupla weeks since I've posted my story here. In short, my boyfriend proposed to me. We agreeds to get married, but because he won't convert to my religion, we can't marry. Our country does not allow it and out family is not ok with us moving to another country. I'm still seeing him but we don't know how long we will remain together. We love each other dearly and the whole situation hurts us deeply.

 

I have started to become a rather aggressive person. I don't know why. When I'm with him, I'm pretty happy and ok. But when I'm out by myself (which is most of the time now), I'm quick-tempered, I'm fussy and I'm just irritated at everything ! I scold people and I shout at them over little things. Yesterday itself, I yelled at the attendent at a petrol station because he's so damn slow and I shouted at guy who stood in my way in a shopping complex . I was really that close to hitting someone. I don't know what's happening to me.I can't stand slow people, I can't stand people asking stupid questions and I'm finding EVERYONE just plain irritating. I can't stand people anymore. I really, really feeling like hitting happy people .

 

Then, when I'm by myself in my apartment, I cry . I can't help this either. The tears just come and I can't stop myself from crying. I cry till I cough and choke and I usually end up falling asleep and waking up with a terrible headache (which makes me even more cranky!).

 

But about three times a week, I meet him, and I'm okay again. It does not matter what we do together, he'd make me laugh. We'd take care and comfort and love each other. I know this insecure relationship is hard on him too. Trying to let go of each other is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do.

 

Please help me. I'm starting to become a real b****!

[gracee]

that kind of feeling (easy to lose temper) is just a result of what bothers you about your situation you had with your bf, but since you can't do anything about it, you unknowingly and unwittingly let it out by shouting at other people, it serves as your outlet and unless you open up such iritating problem with your bf you won't get over with that. it happens to me everytime my bf and i had a problem and i don't know what to do or whom to talked to, as a result i let it out by hurting other people's feelings.

[caliboy]

If you two cared about each other enough, religion wouldn't stand in the way of you two being together. I know religion is important and all, but if you truly love someone you wouldn't let ANYTHING get in the way of that. Maybe the fact that religion (or whatever else) is preventing you two from being together is a sign.

 

As far as being mean, who do you hang out with? I've noticed that when I hang out with pissed off haters, that it can kinda rub off on me. So hang out with happier fun people and see if that helps.

[rachmegan8]

You are just really frusterated over all of this crap going on with your fiance. I'm sorry that this is happening to you. I hope things end up for the better. They will I'm sure.

When my boyfriend and I were fighting a lot, I got really aggressive also. I just b*tched at everyone and I would get really bad road rage. I thought I was going psycho. I am now better though. I hope you get better too. You will. Good luck

[stones]

Thank you for the advices. I really don't have an outlet for all these feelings so i'm just shooting it off to people around me. I normally keep to myself now and it's really ruining my social life. I'm still easily ticked off. I go for long drives with the speakers blasting. I seem to have an ear for very loud music nowadays.

 

But most of all, I'm frustrated and I'm lonely. I'm an angry person and it seems as if this feeling will go on forever. It's not getting any less as the days go by.