Rollergirl13 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I recently divorced after 16 years together. I'm 43, no kids and in good health. I moved 500 miles away to start over. Marriage ended because I couldn't get past his cheating/lying. Started dating and it's been a year of one heartbreak after another. Recently dumped again after 4 months of dating. I told him I loved him at 3 months and within a month he was gone. Said he didn't "feel it" even though he used me for sex the entire time. I really thought he cared. He was beyond sweet and thoughtful but never any talk about a future. I know I need a break from it all but I'm so depressed and lonely. I work from home full time, go to the gym in the evenings, go to meetups but still feel so alone. What can I do to not feel this way anymore? Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I'm sorry this has happened. I understand it gets harder as we get older. You said you moved. How is your set of friends? The only thing that seems to help me is to stay busy. Link to comment
Jeffbobo Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 You were with someone for 16 years. Why not take the time and enjoy your freedom? You don't need to be in a relationship with a guy to not feel alone. Get out and make friends and enjoy your freedom and independence. In time, when you're not necessarily looking or needing it, the right guy will come along. Link to comment
Bob2526 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Read conscious uncoupling it's really helped me. I'm sure you've heard it before love yourself and be your own best friend. You will get better. Link to comment
Rollergirl13 Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 I'm sorry this has happened. I understand it gets harder as we get older. You said you moved. How is your set of friends? The only thing that seems to help me is to stay busy. I've never been the type of person to have lots of friends, maybe just one or two really close friends and the rest just acquaintances. I really do put myself out there as far as trying to meet new people. I do these meetups and I'm very friendly/outgoing. It's hard at 43 because people have busy lives. Link to comment
Rollergirl13 Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 You were with someone for 16 years. Why not take the time and enjoy your freedom? You don't need to be in a relationship with a guy to not feel alone. Get out and make friends and enjoy your freedom and independence. In time, when you're not necessarily looking or needing it, the right guy will come along. I wanted to be married, I liked having the companionship just not with a cheater and liar. Even in my marriage I did a lot of things alone. I'm a pretty independent person. My two little dogs keep me somewhat tied down too. They are older dogs and require a lot of care so I rarely leave them in a kennel. I think working from home doesn't help because I spend the majority of my time alone. Link to comment
Rollergirl13 Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 Read conscious uncoupling it's really helped me. I'm sure you've heard it before love yourself and be your own best friend. You will get better. Thank you. May have heard of it but I will look into it. My feeling has always been that as humans we seek companionship and love. Everyone is always saying be happy alone but how much time can I really spend alone? I spend the majority of my day alone. Having just come out of a relationship with a pilot I was alone most of the time. I think I'm just looking for a way to be content until the right person comes along. Link to comment
jujusamples Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Sorry you are going through this. Have you ever considered just dating? Not get attached or into something serious but just dating different men? That way you could see whom you are compatible with? Just don't jump into a relationship with the first man you meet. Just keep your options open. Link to comment
Rollergirl13 Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 Sorry you are going through this. Have you ever considered just dating? Not get attached or into something serious but just dating different men? That way you could see whom you are compatible with? Just don't jump into a relationship with the first man you meet. Just keep your options open. I think that is a good idea. Seems I get attached too quickly but maybe I need to make it clear from the outset that I want to keep my options open. Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Firstly, I am really sorry this happened to you. It is truly heartbreaking when it happens. I was cheated on after 9 years(13 together), and I didn't see it coming. You did the right thing by ending it with a cheater. Don't kid yourself into thinking you were to blame. It was all him. You were also smart to move away to start fresh. Many don't have the option (shared custody of children) Your ex left you a huge hole in your heart and your life and it's normal to seek companionship. But it's difficult because things are different now. Seeking casual companionship or friendship would be much better than getting into a serious relationship. I'd say you need a few years of this before a serious relationship. Be sure to tell the men what you are looking for specifically in your relationship so there is no confusion. You seem to have already made the steps for meetups, going to the gym, but I'll suggest a few things that could help: volunteering (elderly, hospitals, schools, church group, etc) keeping a journal to write down your hurts, your dreams, your passions, bucket lists, etc. This is really good therapy in itself, and helps you sleep at night. good luck....I know it's cliche to say, but it gets better, just takes time. Link to comment
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