He says his heart is with someone else

[emcat]

I've been dating this guy for only a little over a month but have all of signs of possibly falling for him, tight chest, butterflies, haven't had these feelings in a long time. I had the feeling that either he just wasn't that into me or something and finally asked and he told me that his heart is with someone else (they broke up about 4 months ago and he says there is no chance of them getting back together, I don't know why they broke up) but he still wants to see me. I revealed how I felt. Should I keep seeing him in hopes that he will share my feelings and finally get over her? Or, guard my heart and move on. I don't typically date more than one at a time especially once sex is introduced but was thinking about telling him that I will keep seeing him but not commit to just him. Any advice? I really like him.

[clodhopper]

If this were me, I don't think I'd be very comfortable dating a guy whose heart is with someone else. Maybe tell him you can't do it while he's not over this other chick, and move on and see some other guy.

[VeganAve]

......What's the reason he broke up with his g/f?? Maybe it was "her" who broke up with him? It's a little strange that he didn't tell you the background behind the breakup, hopefully he'll tell you......Anyways, you really dig this guy, so what's the harm in guarding your heart a bit, and seeing him, without a commitment just yet...until you really get to know him better....good luck!

[shazza]

If you're wondering about 'guarding your heart' in the first place it sounds like you already like him...especially if you get the tight chest, butterflies, etc.

 

BUT - he sounds like a recipe for disaster! Say you keep seeing him, your feelings will grow (no matter how 'casual' you try and keep it) and his feelings for you stay the same - while his feelings for his ex never go away. It will surface some way or another and you would've set yourself up for 10 times more pain then if you walk away now (trust me!)

 

Besides, if you walk away now, it may force him to take a look at his life and realise its pointless pining away for someone he's broken up with. And then you guys can try again once he's DEALT with his baggage.

 

I know it's hard when you meet someone you like, but unless that man wants you 100% then he's not worth it. Here's a few things to think about when making your decision:

 

1. You deserve to be the number 1 person in the life of the number 1 person in your life.

 

2. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

 

3. Always put yourself and your happiness first.

 

4. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

 

And finally...I think if you're asking for advice about it you know it's a bad idea. Trust your instincts - not your libido.

 

Hope it helps!