The urge has pased...

[Girlindespair]

Today is a special day for him...and I had the urge to send a quick text message but decided to write here instead.

 

It been almost 90 days since he broke up with me by text. If you read my first post you'll know that within the first few hours I immediately went NC and nothing has changed. I feel fortunate that he didnt reach out to me either because if he had, I know there were many times I wouldn't have been strong enough to resist...but that was then and this is now.

 

Now, If he was to reach out to me I am able to wish him well and ask him to not contact me again. Not because I dont love or care about him anymore but because he made a decision to end the relationship and Ive respected his decision by leaving him alone. He doesnt get to change the rules now that the game is over.

 

When this first happened I was convinced that "my breakup/situation" was unique to only me. No one could possibly understand our relationship because ours was sooo "different"....now that I can see clearly there was/is nothing unique about my situation.

 

Somebody I loved decided he didnt want to be with me anymore. Once he made that decision there was nothing I could have said to change his mind, so why try?

 

It has not been an easy 3 months but I can honestly say Im looking back on it with a smile. A smile because I made a decision and stuck to it, even on those days it felt like my whole world was falling apart and a simple text or call from him would make it all better, it wouldnt have and I know that now.

 

This break up reminded me of how strong, determined and stubborn I really am....and I wont let myself forget that again.

[cami393]

Good for you!!! I'm trying to gather my strength and be just like you. Keep up the great work. Honestly, you did the best thing.

[missocean]

Yes, you are strong and smart too. You did everything right, including deciding against texting him today.

 

Sometimes it takes a dramatic event like this for us to find out what we are really made of. Be proud of yourself.

[Girlindespair]

Thanks to both of you for your encouragment. Going NC is extremely difficult and I hope to never have to do it again, in any of my future relationships.

 

Maybe its different for people that go NC after reaching out to the person and trying to communicate with him/her and then being rejected, ignored or lied to.

 

In my case we had a small argument on a Wednesday, didnt talk until Monday and that was through texts which I said we need to talk about what we both want. That was the last message I sent to him.

He eventually replied on Thursday with a text that said he didnt want to talk or be together. I never replied (to me it was already over) and that was how it ended.

 

After reading some of the terrible and hurtful things the "dumper" has done, I'm glad I choose not to open myself up to anymore pain than necessary by replying.

 

My advice (not that anyone asked) is when someone says they don't want to be with you, believe them and walk away.

 

You could send a hundred texts asking for answers/closure, pleading for another chance, begging them to please just talk to you and trying to convince him/her that things can be fixed/worked out or asking how the hell did they stop loving you in a matter of days, maybe even hours? But truthfully they really don't want to hear from you.

 

I swear by the book "It's called a breakup because its broken" and that book got me through the first 2 months and saved me the first few days...lol

 

What really helped me with NC was their 1 rule "No Calling" and here is their main reason..

 

"He doesnt want you to call, he broke up with you for a reason and good or bad he doesnt want to hear from you right now. Even if you think he does, you're probably wrong. If he wanted to talk to you, check on you, to reconcile with you he would. If he had the courage to break it off, he also has the ability to use the phone and dial your number"

[Bob2526]

Thanks to both of you for your encouragment. Going NC is extremely difficult and I hope to never have to do it again, in any of my future relationships.

 

Maybe its different for people that go NC after reaching out to the person and trying to communicate with him/her and then being rejected, ignored or lied to.

 

In my case we had a small argument on a Wednesday, didnt talk until Monday and that was through texts which I said we need to talk about what we both want. That was the last message I sent to him.

He eventually replied on Thursday with a text that said he didnt want to talk or be together. I never replied (to me it was already over) and that was how it ended.

 

After reading some of the terrible and hurtful things the "dumper" has done, I'm glad I choose not to open myself up to anymore pain than necessary by replying.

 

My advice (not that anyone asked) is when someone says they don't want to be with you, believe them and walk away.

 

You could send a hundred texts asking for answers/closure, pleading for another chance, begging them to please just talk to you and trying to convince him/her that things can be fixed/worked out or asking how the hell did they stop loving you in a matter of days, maybe even hours? But truthfully they really don't want to hear from you.

 

I swear by the book "It's called a breakup because its broken" and that book got me through the first 2 months and saved me the first few days...lol

 

What really helped me with NC was their 1 rule "No Calling" and here is their main reason..

 

"He doesnt want you to call, he broke up with you for a reason and good or bad he doesnt want to hear from you right now. Even if you think he does, you're probably wrong. If he wanted to talk to you, check on you, to reconcile with you he would. If he had the courage to break it off, he also has the ability to use the phone and dial your number"

 

That last paragraph has helped me as well. I read that somewhere else and that she broke up with me and that I should not be chasing her. She knows how to reach me and I'm not going to chase her and I will kept my dignity and self respect. It's made no contact a lot easier. I'm on day 41 of NC and it has definitely made my days a little easier. I still get the urge every now and then to text or call her but I don't want to set myself back on all the progress I've made so far. I'm. I still have some progress to make but I can feel myself healing and getting better. I can feel myself becoming whole again. Good luck to you!

[Girlindespair]

41 days is great. When/If you get the urge to send a simple "thinking about you and hope you're ok" text, do your best to not send it. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you're thinking about her.

 

As the time passes I realize my reason for NC has changed every few weeks (for the better) and I hope yours will too. You can always use my reasons below...😉

 

At first it was to let myself process the breakup and try to make sense/understand what the h*ll was happening. It felt so crazy, I was in shock 😲

 

Then it became about punishing him for breaking up with me. This was the hardest one because I didn't want to be mad at him. I just wanted him to regret what he did. I thought he'll really miss me when he thinks I'm gone...😭

 

After those feelings/thoughts passed and I thought about contacting him for "closure".

I planned on writing a long email to tell him all the things I thought he should know.

 

How sorry I am things turned out this way, talk about all the good times we had, apologize and accept responsibility for my part in why our relationship ended and the best one...I hope one day we can be friends.

 

Then I thought "screw you a******". You should be sorry that you dumped me by text. You should be sorry that you didn't think our relationship was worth working on. You should be sorry that you thought so little of our relationship and just walked away and you should certainly be sorry for making me feel so disposable. 😡

 

And now..

I will not give him the give satisfaction of knowing I still think about him. He would look at that as there must be something "great" about him that I can't get him out of my mind.🙄

 

What I expect next and what I am hoping for in the next month or so that not reaching out to him will not be considered NC, but simply moving forward and putting the past behind me... 🙂

 

Almost there...

[Bob2526]

Thanks for the last post as well. The urge to text is pretty much gone. The thoughts still come and aren't not nearly as bad as before. I also used no contact the same way you did. It definitely helps. I don't count the days as much as I did before but time really does help me. I'm waiting for that moment to finally move on and let go. I'm waiting for that day when I wake up and don't even think about her anymore. Hopefully it won't be too long.

[Girlindespair]

It's been just under a year since I posted this and for some reason tonight I thought about the guy that brought me to this website (what feels like a lifetime ago...) but was just over a year ago.

I haven't seen him in over a year he messaged me in the summer when he wanted us to be "FWB".... ? I enjoyed telling him no and that he needs to move on and forget about me...:love-struck:

 

 

Its funny how easy it is to let someone go when you don't care about them anymore...and that's really what a breakup is...for the most part.

 

I couldn't care less where he is or what he's up to...I'm not angry or sad...I'm indifferent and I love it.

 

Stay strong and I promise it absolutely will get easier....

[Makeit]

Good story. I am in a similiar situation. 25 days in tho. Nice to hear it gets better.

[sputnik123]

Well done Girl.

 

We are all very proud of you here :)

 

Keep it going.. you are an inspiration!