Some thing to think about

[down_n_down]

I broke up with my ex about a year ago now. When i read back all of my posts on this forum i remember how bad i was. I was in a terrible state, i couldnt sleep, i couldnt eat and i couldnt even hav a shower without thinking why we wernt together anymore. My life sucked. I guess the point of this post is not to gloat tht i am now 100% better because then not only would i be gloating but i wud also be a liar 2. I dont think you ever completely get over somebody. But i just want to try and help because I can remember that i just wanted all of the hurt and suffering to go away once and for all, and if im truthful i can honestly say that taking my life did cross my mind nearly everyday huh i wudnt hav the b**ls to do that anyway. But now when i look bak on everything i can see it with a lot more clarity. Things that would confuse me back then now arent even worth the time even thinking about. Everybody goes through a phase where they hate themself. They take all the blame for wot happened and think that if they did better they would still be with there ex. For gods sake shake urself out of that one once and forall, believe me if i could go bak now and giv myself a slap i would do lol. I took the whole blame (not really helped by the reason i was given for being broken up with) when now i look back at it i realise that i actually did nothing wrong and if i faced that situation again now i would just do the same thing again. I wish i could help all of you that are hurting so bad, i know exactly where u are right now, well mayb not exactly, some of you may be a little bit worse, some may be a bit better than i was but at the end of the day its all different shades of grey isnt it? (no rhyme intended).

 

If i could offer my advice - for lack of a better word - for what the best way to get over you ex would go as follows

 

- As i said above, try not to blame yourself too much for what happened between the two of you. It was most probably neither of your faults.

 

- If you are really struggling to get them out of your head then come up with sumthing like hit yourself everytime you think of them (obviously not too hard, dont want to actually hurt urself, more of u telling yourself off) or just think in your head NO, but do this everytime, you will even start to annoy yourself.

 

- I think one of the most important things for me is the no contact rule. I had never even herd of it until this forum but my god thank god i found it. As soon as i broke all contact with my ex it got soo much easier. Im not trying to say that this is going to be your immediate cure and its nothing thats going to make you instantly feel better but ask anybody it is definitely a good thing.

 

- Dont be affraid to cry if ur a guy, i used to think that i was a comlete.....muppet (to tone it down).... but every1 cries and it doesnt mean your any less manly then anyother guy, believe me every guy cries, its more abnormal if you dont. Sometimes its good to just try and let it all go. Sometimes i just felt asif all the feelings were becoming really over powering so id just let them all out, sometimes it got so bad i did cry but you feel a hell of a lot better afterwards.

 

- Realise that every second you will slightly get over your ex more. As silly as this may sound it is true and is something to keep you going because you can think that if the day you broke up was the worst day then every day after that it will get easier. It might take months it might even take years, but dont think that this is abnormal either.

 

- Try and keep yourself occupied as much as you can. Dont let yourself just sit there doing nothing, because this is when you wil find yourself thinking about the ex agen. Call your friends and invite them round. Go play football (or netball) or watch a film anything but try and makesure that you are as occupied as possible at all times.

 

- Finally dont have any misconception that any of this is going to be easy because it wont be.

 

Jees i actually feel like a preacher lol. I hope that if you stook with this pretty long post that it helped you out, even if it only helps one person then it would have been worth it (yep and that doesnt sound cheesy) But seriously if anybody wants to ask me anything for any advice then sent me a PM or just add a reply. Ill get back to you as quick as i can.

 

Good luck

[grinand bearit]

you're absolutlely right, tough as it is, it does get better little by little, like it or not! Thanks for putting it so succintly. I think we so often try to hold onto vestiges of the relationship we lost--at least that is something!

 

I loved the idea of hitting yourself--I once wore an elastic band around my wrist to snap whenever I thought of him.

 

All in all, great insight,,,\\

 

 

grin