Letting Go

[chip]

Has anyone had trouble letting go of the hurt and the pain caused by being dumped? I feel that I am flailing about absorbed in my pain. It has been a long time since she left me for the last time - 9 months. Why am I still thinking about her? Why do I break down and cry every once in a while even after all this time. How do I convince myself to give up the ghost? I have gone on some dates, but usually that makes me feel worse! I need to leave her behind. I am becoming more cynical and bitter each day. Anyone ever had the same kinds of thoughts? What helped you finally just "let it go".

[hockeyboy]

are you still in contact with her at all?

[boomer1619]

Let me ask you a question. WHY DO YOU WANNA GET RID OF THE HURT AND PAIN? Thats the best part of it all, BECAUSE THATS WHEN YOU WILL BE GROWING AS A PERSON. That pain is whayt motivates you to improve yourself, FOR YOURSELF! Hang on to it for a little while, let it burn a fire inside you that will inspire your whole life that is ahead of you. After a while, your gonna miss that pain and that fire, so, as weird as thios sounds, ENJOY IT. I am jealous because I know that you are growing and discoverign all sorts of things about your true self. I love it when I have those moments. Break ups suck, but the are also OPPORTUNITIES.

[Shizzle]

i felt what your feeling for a while and yeah it ruind relationships after it, but in time it goes, its been 7 months for me now n now am over her, am "c'in" someone now. and she is great, so u do move on in time

[codaaurora]

Everyone takes their own amount of time to heal and grow. You will get there eventually, but in the meantime, you do need to own your pain. Make sure that you allow it to happen. If you repress it, it will just take longer for you to deal with the emotions that you need to have anyway.

[chip]

I have not been in contact with her at all until last night. I came accross her profile on an internet dating site. I sent her an email that just said hello. I guess I was hoping for some sign that she would be happy to hear from me. It didn't work out that way - just a neutral hello back. I figure if she were missing me at all she would have been a little more demonstrative in her response. So I will make no further contact. I just wish I could get her out of my mind. She is never far from my thoughts. I have no joy in my life, and I'm getting tired. I used to be a fairly happy person, and the change in my personality is noticeable - I've been told this by some friends I with whom I work. I've also isolated myself from people who I am close too, namely my family and best friend. I used to call these people a couple times a week. I've talked to my best friend 3 times in 9 months and he instigated the contact each time. I think the shame of losing the "love of a lifetime" keeps me from reaching out. I had never been as happy as the time I spent with her, and I'm afraid I won't find that happiness again. Does any of this make sense?

[grinand bearit]

Chip

 

I know where you are. Mine was a relationship of over five years that was often abusive, and yet I still have trouble letting go. It's been almost ten months and I spent nearly six of them working, coming home, doing the bare minimum, then drinking enough to sleep without thinking about him.

 

I am a little better now. I do things with friends occasionally--at first this seemed boring and pointless, but I have come to value their affection and time they took to listen to me.

 

It is hard to let go always. If you doubt that, read other posts; so many people missing what they hoped that had. It just takes time. I hated to hear that, but it is the truth. Eventually, you will find that you can enjoy even moments of time without missing your love. Eventually, you will have times when you can look at the totality of the relationship, not just the lovely moments we remember when we're feeling lost.

That's when, in little bits, we see why it didn't/couldn't work long term.

 

I wish you all the best in your struggle.

 

grin

[Shizzle]

and you have to stop been in contact with her! it might be hard, but how can you move on if ur still talking or doing whatever?

[kookie2004]

i understand how you feel chip i would never go out when i knew he was coming round for the kids. he would stay in the house it was if he had never had all the affairs i was just kidding my self.i think i just did not want to admit to all the crap he put mr through.i feel empty right now my eyes feel like they have been washed in sand, but i will be ok every day it gets better.