It's been 8 months - still hurting!!!

[herewegoagain]

Well, I've been away for a while. I've only put in a few posts over the last few months.

 

Anyway, I had many posts about my situation since August 2004. To sum it up, my ex gf broke up with me because she was interested in someone else, and she immediately went out with him (I saw them only 2 days after she dumped me). We were together for 4 1/2 years, and I was actually about to ask her to marry me in only a month or so after she dumped me.

 

Well, I found out back in January that she got engaged to her man at Christmas, and they are going to get married this August. It really set me back - not back to square one, but it hurt. I was thinking - "how the heck can she get engaged to someone after only 5 months of being with him, especially after our long history together?"

 

I realize that it may work out for her, and I'm trying to accept it and pray for her that it does. I still deep down hope that it will not work out, but I know that is not right. So i am really trying to sincerely hope the best for her, but it is hard.

 

Looking back now, I could see the writing on the wall - she acted a little different during our last month together, but I was too dumb to realize that I was losing her. Looking back, it was so obvious that she was interested in someone else - emails, secretive, etc.

 

 

Some of you on this forum will say that people fall for new people and it just happens. But I don't care what anyone says, IT IS NOT RIGHT to leave someone for someone else - especailly immediately!!!

 

Those of you who say that there is nothing wrong with that - well put yourself in that situation - how would you like it?

 

My point is, we should treat others as we would want to be treated, but we cannot control other people - That's life!!

 

Well, what are your opinions on a situation similar to mine - when someone dumps another and goes immediately to someone else?

 

Isn't getting engaged after 5 months a little too quick? I strongly feel that she just wants to get married for the sake of getting married.

 

I really think she is making a huge mistake, and not because she is my ex, but because i truly feel that she is in a rush to get married, especially since her younger sister just got married a few weeks ago. I wish I could tell her as a friend, but I know i can't.

 

Well, i still miss her, and yes, i still hope that she will contact me someday, but I know that it will not happen, especially since she is getting married in 4-5 months. It still hurts, and I still cry on occasion - I guess I'm just a sensitive guy, but at times, I wish I wasn't so sensitive - I wish I didn't care at all about all this, but i still do.

 

I would really like some honest opinions.

 

 

Thanks.

[Strictly4MyGrind]

Damn you must be hurt well i do not think it is right that she left you straight away for another guy thats just not a proper thing to do in my eyes if shes done something like that she obviously doesnt deserve you theres someone in the world thats right for you though porberly but i think tht you should move on to now if your ready that is i mean she is why dont you and find someone better then her.....It hurts alot i bet but theres always light at the end of tunnel whether you can see it or not its there....Goodluck.....

[con100]

Hi, 8 months and you cry once in a while, Dude this girl turned your world up side, i also broke up with my G/F around that mark too, same situation to yours exept we together over 10 years, with 2 kidz, man two weeks after im gone the new guy has moved in to my old place, with my kidz, she has just wiped me from her and my childrens life, and dosent want to know. I now havent seen my son and daughter for over 3 months.. And dude i cry a lot...but she will never know this... it makes me really angry at times and i feel this is good cause the anger is helping me channel and steer my life in a more positive direction, it does help and feel im smiling lots more.. Now ive taken the proverbial bull by the horns and have had my lawyer issue her with court papers to have legal access to my kidz

 

I think she thought she could give this guy a hunky dory ready made family, with MY kidz.....now i cant just sit back and let that go down can i

Dude i wish them evry happiness, sadness, whatever, some people do get their kicks from stompin on others, hold ya head up cause Happiness really is the best revenge...try not to make her bigger in your mind than she actually is or was in reality...hope you feeling betta soon.. Talk Helps

[herewegoagain]

Thanks to all for your replies. You all are correct in everything you said. I just have to get stronger day by day.

 

And good luck with all of your situations - life is not always easy is it?

 

All we can do is hang in there.

[heloladies21]

Friend, anyone who tells you not to be upset about your situation is out of their mind. You got disrespected hard and I would be upset to the limit. My first girlfriend did something similar and it made me so mad that I didn't want to talk to her ever again. I don't think you're allowing yourself to be mad enough at her as a matter of fact or you would probably feel the same way.

 

Here's my advice, don't root for things to work out with her, don't root against her. Just stop caring about her and care about yourself. Care about how your career, physical fitness, hobbies, and most importantly lovelife are going. If any of these areas are lacking, strive to make improvement in these areas, especially in your romantic life.

 

You missing the signs of her leaving are not your fault. It just happened to me too and it happens to all of us. It's hard to digress and look at the facts when you're having fun. Don't beat yourself up about this. You couldn't have done anything anyways.

 

Her leaving you for someone else shows me that she never really cared about you anyway. Don't you think you deserve something better than that? Don't you deserve someone who cares about you as much as you care about them? Of course you do! Now you're a man, and you have to act like a man and go out and make the life that you want to live every day. That means finding other women and hitting on every one of them until you find someone who deserves with you. I'll say that again, find a girl who is good enough to deserve the honor of being with you.

[happyphantom]

Herewegoagain,

 

That does seem like a pretty quick decision on her part, and its only natural that you're hurting right now. Just think back to how you felt right after your break up - it got better day by day, and the natural healing process will take place with this last piece of news also. One day, whatever she does in life will have absolutely no impact on your feelings, because she will have no place in your life. She will simply be a memory. And I think until that day naturally arrives, you should focus on your life, future, and wellbeing. I know its easier said than done, but work on your inner peace, so that you might be able to open your heart up to another girl one day, and maybe one day...it'll be you proposing to someone you love dearly.

[herewegoagain]

Heloladies and Happyphantom - great points. Thanks so much for your input. Sometimes hearing good advice like the both of you gave me really helps. I appreciate it.