Probably messed up any chance with her

[whitefang]

There's this girl that i really like and im quite sure she seems interested in me. We go to the same college and we see each other often on campus. I managed to get her number off a friend who is friends with her and myself, I sent her a text message saying "Hi and ask how she was and how her holidays was going etc" and also explained where I got her number from just in-case she was wondering. I haven't had a reply from her all day, I had though that maybe she doesn't have any credit to reply but at some level I feel like I've totally messed and I've just lost any chance of having anything with her (well mean more than friendship, if she'll talk to me) don't know why she wouldn't but there would be an awkwardness when I go back to college im sure.

 

I haven't been out with a girl in a while and I feel like im a beginner, I've completely blow my chance with her haven't I!

 

I hate being me, some times I'd wonder whether there would be any difference if I were gay or had a sex change lol but I doubt.

 

What should I do? Or should I just give up completely and concentrate on my college work.

 

Any advice or help would be appreciated.

 

- whitefang

[jaiva]

Have you ever tried approaching her face to face? I know that might be quite difficult to do. But try it, the only thing she can do is walk away from the convo and if she's any kind of lady she'll at least talk to you. Maybe she didn't receive the text, so that's why she hasn't responded to it.

 

Hope I helped!

 

Jaiva

[whitefang]

I would love to be more confident and upfront and be able to but i can't it's just me. I have wanted to ask her but things just got in the way, im sure she'd talk with me but some how i'd probably come off the idiot at the end of the conversation (don't ask how!).

 

I didn't want to scare her, i'd like to get to know her more and maybe get her to do something if she fancied e.g. go out for the day or something so i thought that i'd send her a txt message and now it's just playing in my head that i might have done something that has made her not want to reply to my txt and spolit any chance of being with her. Also, my phone has this acknoweldgement sort function on it when i send txt's it tells me whether people have read the txt and it came back acknowledged so she's obviously read the txt.

 

I just don't know, im rubbish with girls i like and it's times like this when i wonder why i bother even trying and as a result i get nowhere.

 

Im not going to depress myself over it, it would be just nice to have some sort of acknowledgement or maybe that's just me hoping and being stupid.

 

- whitefang

[jaiva]

Well, as I've told many others today, write her a letter and tell her that you hope that you haven't spoiled any chances in getting to know her better by sending her the text but you'd like to become friends at least.

 

Jaiva

[Beec]

Whitefang,

 

Fist, texting is not the preferred way to amke contact, but I bet you've been told that before. Maybe you did screw up, maybe you did not. Maybe you had no chance, maybe you still do.

 

I'm more concerned with you saying "im rubbish with girls i like and it's times like this when i wonder why i bother even trying." When it comes right down to it, most women are similar, dating involves a set of skills you can learn and a few strategies you should know. If you don't have the skills or don't know how to use them, then learn, please.

[hockeyboy]

Whitefang,

 

Fist, texting is not the preferred way to amke contact, but I bet you've been told that before. Maybe you did screw up, maybe you did not. Maybe you had no chance, maybe you still do.

 

I'm more concerned with you saying "im rubbish with girls i like and it's times like this when i wonder why i bother even trying." When it comes right down to it, most women are similar, dating involves a set of skills you can learn and a few strategies you should know. If you don't have the skills or don't know how to use them, then learn, please.

 

yes and women love confidence, people are attracted to confidence in general. your not exacltly beaming of confidence right now, why is that? that is something you should look at and adjust.

[whitefang]

I lack alot of confidence and self-esteem, im trying to improve but it's hard. I haven't dated in a long while and i'm not the best when it comes to talking to girls, also i've been spending most of my time doing my college work so i don't get out much. I know that i lack alot of things and im not beaming with confidence, most of the time at college im really down although no-one notices it because i keep my feelings and emotion well hidden. I would love to be more forward with girls and in everything i do, i am trying... obviously not enough but i don't know what else to do.

 

There other reasons why i lack confidence and don't socialize but i'd rather not talk about it because it's too long and personal.

 

As for learning new skills, i don't socialize enough to learn new skills, purely because i have no friends where i live, the only time im happiest are when i am at college. Those friends at college live quite a way from me and most of them have a job and during the holidays and weekends.

I could go out by myself but then i feel like a looser sitting at the bar/local pub where there are no attractive girls, there are some but none of which im interested. I would love to move away but financially i can't being a student im very poor, im supprised that my parents haven't kicked me out of the house, i need a job and i am looking to help with socializing more but so far not much luck and that's what you get for living in a stupid small rural town.

 

- whitefang

[hockeyboy]

There other reasons why i lack confidence and don't socialize but i'd rather not talk about it because it's too long and personal.

 

i never actually heard a reason why you lack confidence. i know your busy with school and everything..but what does that have to do with your confidence.

[Beec]

Sounds to me like you are making excuses.

 

Answer one question, and do it honestly. It's hypothetical, but put yourself in this situation. You see one of the women at your college, who you once had a class with once but never got to know. She is attractive, but not very, decent body could stand to lose a few, face are hair are fine but tending to plain, she is jsut simply a little plain. But tomorrow afternoon, she is walking towards you, makes eye contact and says hello with a smile, a good smile, like she is really happy to see you. How does that make you feel?

 

BTW, when she does this, she will have just socialized.

[DN]

You are getting good advice. But it is still a little early and she may reply to the text yet. If she does be prepared to ask her out.

[DN]

what county do you live in and which is the nearest city?

[whitefang]

I live in the UK in Wales and my nearest big city i suppose is about 40 - 45 minutes away.

[DN]

I was in Brecon for a while when I was in the Army years ago.

 

maybe you could find some sort of club, society to join, Choral, theatre group, mountain rescue. gets you interacting with people, increases confidence and you have a chance to meet women in a way that doesn't mean there is pressure to date.

[CarterJonas]

Give it some time as there could be a rational explanation as to why she hasn't replied. Remember there is nothing wrong in going out to pubs by yourself. Sometimes friends can be busy (with their girlfriends...etc) but it shouldn't stop you going out to enjoy yourself. Once you have been there a few times you get to know people to talk to and make friends with.

[CarterJonas]

I was in Brecon for a while when I was in the Army years ago.

 

Brecon is a nice place, especially if you like hiking / mountainbiking. As you said the army does a lot of training there! anyway sorry back onto the topic.

[DN]

and it has plenty of the sort of activities I was recommending. So do other places in Wales.

[whitefang]

Thanks for the advice,

 

There isn't much in the way of clubs around by me, if there are their probably boring lol. I guess there's nothing wrong with going by myself to pubs but i would probably just feel uncomfortable just sitting there by myself.

 

I agree Brecon is a really nice place, i have quite a few family that live there, i've been down a few times but not for a couple of years.

[MetallicAguy]

Well if you can't be more outgoing, don't push it. Be yourself in THAT WAY and only that (doesn't mean like change your personality). But if you want to talk to her and would love to and think it'd turn out good then you need to think about it in like class or something, and think about it till it pushes out of your skull and comes out your mouth . That's the easiest method for shy guys. Then after you get the guts to talk to her in person, asking her out uses the same method, not very hard is it?

[BlueCoconut]

hmm... as a general rule... I would suggest never getting a girls number form her friends because it implies :

 

--> you have no guts to ask yourself

--> ok that 's scary. somekind of psycho?

 

And even if you don't have the courage to, it would be best if she does not know that. In the future, just go ahead and say "Hello" and introduce yourself. Then you can run off and get her number from other people. But it would be great to meet her first.

 

And if that can't wait, a call is indeed better than text messaging....

 

my point is.. sending her a message when she does not even know who exactly you are may not make her very comfortable.

[whitefang]

We do know each other, we went to a college event together with some other college friends and me, her and a friend of ours hung out together and during the end of the day there was a little flirting between us and i think she does have a feeling that i like her, this is why i sent a txt message saying hi, who i am asking hows her holiday going. I didn't send her a message saying "Guess who?".

 

We get along in college and i know her friends and she sort knows my friends at college too, so it's not like im jumping in the deep end but i just felt that i might of messed up my chance because she hadn't replied to my txt, which there could be a logical explination to it but i don't want there to be an akward silence between us when were back at college. I guess i should just explain the whole situation when i get back to college to her, face to face and see how it goes from there.

 

- whitefang

[candieeeegirl]

if you got this girl's number then maybe you should call her....personally i dont like it when guys text. but i dunno thats just me though.

[whitefang]

Well from what everyone's saying im pretty much screwed, it's going to be really hard talking to her when i go back to college.

 

But i'm gonna find her and get her alone and explain the whole thing to her and who knows she might forgive and i might get a date out of it, she's a nice girl, not like other types so im pretty sure we'll be ok. Even if i don't get a date, im happy with being a friend, it's the way i am, even after a relationship i still stay friends with my ex's.