We aren't intimate anymore

[Clueless41]

My partner an i have been together 7years,living together for 6years. He's my daughter's father he left us when she was 8months old and we got back together when she 13years. He has always been laid back and I've dealt with alot of his financial problems so can't fully relie on him for this. About two years ago I stopped instigating sex as it was always me and cause I have to be in control of all the financial,household issues on a daily I wanted him to take control sexually. However this hasn't happened instead now we rarely have sex,an my partner hasn't got a clue how to approach me to instigate sex,he goes straight for the vagina instead of trying to turn me on!! Yes I've tried speaking to him but he's not forth coming!! I feel like I have to be the male in the relationship all the time and hes the woman if that makes sense?! I'm always expected to be in charge but sexually I want him to take charge!!! I'm starting to resent him do his lack of effort which makes me feel really angry towards him. Please help!!!

[gebaird]

My partner has very low libido and we have similar struggles. A few years ago I stopped instigating and we started living like roommates instead of lovers. It almost caused our relationship to fail, but looking back I can see that my decision to stop instigating is what led to that outcome. Now, although it's hard, I make an effort to ask for what I need. It would be great if my partner enjoyed sex, and even greater is she actually instigated it -- but I don't have complete control over her side of the equation. I do, however, control my side. I can be both wanting and willing, even if she doesn't feel the same way I do about sex.

[Matt3939]

Two things

One. Has he always just charged for the goal right away?

Two. How did you approach that you wanted him to initiate? If you made it feel like a chore he might not bother. Example you laying on your back in a huff saying why don't you touch me.

[Clueless41]

Two things

One. Has he always just charged for the goal right away?

Two. How did you approach that you wanted him to initiate? If you made it feel like a chore he might not bother. Example you laying on your back in a huff saying why don't you touch me.

 

Pretty much,I've told him it doesn't work for me like that and suggest he trys maybe a massage or tickling me up my thighs but he's not interested. I admit I can be hard work in the sense I don't like my body ect but he's too submissive an gives up too easily.

[Clueless41]

My partner has very low libido and we have similar struggles. A few years ago I stopped instigating and we started living like roommates instead of lovers. It almost caused our relationship to fail, but looking back I can see that my decision to stop instigating is what led to that outcome. Now, although it's hard, I make an effort to ask for what I need. It would be great if my partner enjoyed sex, and even greater is she actually instigated it -- but I don't have complete control over her side of the equation. I do, however, control my side. I can be both wanting and willing, even if she doesn't feel the same way I do about sex.

 

I stopped instigating cause it was always me an it's driving me mad. I have issues myself with body image ect an I think that's out him off trying. I just make him feel horrible to not want sex with me. Altho he did try it last night in the form of a "let's fight senario"but my daughter kept walking past the bedroom an I snapped at him.