How to move on? Desprate.

[coralyne]

I had this thing with this guy. I believe I posted about it before on here. Long story short he meant a lot more to me then I meant to him. Things ended and I was pretty dissapointed. He sort of ghosted me (ignored any contact with me) as a way to end things instead of communication. I was devastated and I wanted closure so I messaged him basically saying good luck with everything mostly for myself. He didn't say you too or anything he just ignored it.

 

I'm bad with goodbyes in every aspect of life. The idea that I won't ever talk to someone again devastated me even if the person did treat me poorly. I'm having a hard time getting over this guy. I'm thinking about him constantly and I know for fact he isn't thinking about me at all. I'm going over every conversation trying to pinpoint where things went wrong. This guy was a coward and treated me poorly but in the back of my mind I have a little thread of hope that he'll contact me of that maybe he's thinking about me. It's driving me insane. I'm making up excuses for him like: maybe he's at work, maybe he's having family issues, maybe he's running away.

 

I want to get over this guy. I tried moving on. I tried distracting myself. I NEED closure. Not knowing what I did is making me very insecure. I don't want to come off cocky or needy but I feel like he owed me an explanation but I know that if he was on the same page as I was mentally, he would know that he owed me some sort of explanation. I need help moving on because I'm waiting by the phone and I'm in dreamland and its getting pathetic. Please help

[Vernix23]

we are in the same situation...i know i feel you i know how bad and how much it hurts...he does owe you an explanation thats true i don't really have the right to tell anything since I'm basically in the same boat right now and i just can say is i know how you feel and what i am doing right now to help myself..is just not to expect not to hope at all anymore..im sorry I'm being quite you know right now...but the more you expect that something is going to happen it will hurt you more and more and more...distract yourself with your friends do things you love. I don't know if this will also help you but there are people like me and others out there who are in the same situation and we are all trying our hardest to move on and that you are not alone

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, but it's not about "something you did". He may have gone back to his ex or since you were not exclusive may have been dating others. It would be best to stop contacting him for "closure". His silence is "closure".

He eventually took me out to coffee and I really started to fall for him. He mentioned his ex a few times in conversation. We talked for about 5 months romantically. Went on dates.

[devinefaith]

I agree with wiseman he probably went back to his ex. Don't be too hard on yourself I've been where you are now took me a while to get over it some days it still gets to me but think about it someone who can go ghost on you like that without just being honest on whats going on is a coward. You did nothing wrong and one day he'll realize that he treated a good person wrong but by than it'll be to late

[ShatteredMan]

Look up "narcissistic injury". Having this happen to you doesn't necessarily mean you're a narcissist, but the blow to your ego is devastating due the emotional investment in the relationship results in some of the characteristics of this condition. It certainly did for me.

 

The lingering effects are incredibly hard to get over. Essentially, your mind just won't let it go. It's not that you actually even love them anymore. It's that you can't get over the fact that they chose someone that you deem to be lower value than your self that messes with your head for a long time afterward.

 

There is also a fantasy component to it as well. In my case, I built a fantasy around future that she just didn't want to have with me. I became so focused on fantasy and when it didn't start to materialize, I became disillusioned in the relationship. Even though I initiated the breakup, she moved on immediately to someone else. The blow to my ego just wrecked me.

 

I'm still dealing with this. Therapy only mildly helps. You have to give yourself time and distance. Also, you have to do things for yourself to feel the space that that person once had in your heart and mind, which in turn will give you some sense of closure. The actual closure has already happened but your mind will not accept it.

 

There are times where my mind floats back to her and all it does is cause me more pain. Taken steps to distance myself including buying a new house in a different part of town. I've also found that the more time I spend with people who truly care about me helps to bolster my inner strength to move on.

 

I know that there's a lot of people out here hurting from being someone else's Plan B. In my case, I was a rebound and I got wrapped up in the fantasy of something that I know she could never live up to. Perhaps this guy that you were involved with knew this as well. More than likely, you will find someone better than him and you will gain a new sense of strength due to the fact that you got through this.

 

Even though therapy didn't fix everything for me, I highly encourage you to seek it. One of the things that you will get from it, is that you will learn why you make decisions that you do. You also learn about the triggers that make you react in certain ways to other people, the way they react to you, and why you have done things in your past the way you have. This is not a bad thing actually.

 

Good luck with this.