Confused.

[sweetcherryberry]

OK I met A after I broke up with my bf of 2 years.Call it rebound or whatever it is but after being with him for a few weeks I realized I might actually be in love with him.The problem then was that he had a gf in another country,he's from another country but is working here.We were seeing each other for almost 2 months until he disappeared,didn't call,write or reply any of my calls and messages.Until 2 weeks ago I saw him at a club and called him after and we talked and hooked up again.He told me he has broken up with his gf of 4 years because they were always fighting and she found out abt me.I never asked him why he closed contact with me but I figured it didn't really matter,as long as we were together now.Everything went on quite smoothly,we hung out and he had been so sweet and affectionate.Life was a bliss.Then 5 days ago a gossip magazine took pictures of me and him having dinner and made a big deal about it.His manager ( he is an actor/singer ) was quite nervous abt the situation and wanted him to be more cautious.So,they decided it was best if I didn't go to his hotel and we didn't go out in public anymore.It's been 5 days and even though he told me to give it awhile and things would be back to normal but I miss him so.He came to my apt to visit me for 1 hour and tht was it.Even though we have an intimate relationship,he always jokingly reminds me that we're just friends which hurts alot,he doesn't act that way of a friend,it's not just abt sex,we enjoy each other's company,joke,talk and really have a superb time together.I know he'll be going back to his country maybe in a week or so but I want something more,I did write him abt how I feel but he ignores it and talks abt other things.Should I just tell him that I would rather be nothing than be "just friends" with him?The 3 months that he shut me out of his life was hell and I've recovered but then he comes back into my life and I feel confused and depressed again.I don't know why I am doing this to myself but I truly love this man.

[Shy_Guy]

Well, not being in the public eye, it's hard to fathom the pulls and demands on our lives that those who DO have image considerations have to deal with. I couldn't imagine being expected to 'not go out in public' just due to image or gossip concerns.

 

I guess the simple questions are: Can you deal with this kind of drama? Can you deal with the need to make the quality of your relationship secondary to that of his career?

 

It'll take either some REAL soul-searching and sublimation of your personality or your erstwhile boyfriends suddenly growing a backbone to make this work.

 

I don't envy your choices, although his actions will speak louder than any statements as to his real feelings about you and your relationship.

 

Good Luck.

[sweetcherryberry]

Hi. I read your reply to my message 3 times. The last sentence you mentioned that "I don't envy your choices, although his actions will speak louder than any statements as to his real feelings about you and your relationship." You see, thats the confusing part.

 

Maybe I shouldn't be thinking too much and like you said his actions will speak louder than any statements as to his real feelings for me and for our relationship. And I guess if it's meant to be, it's meant to be...

 

But thank you for your reply. It's good to be able to have someone elses point of view on this. Thanks!