Anyone else still a virgin?

[hecka_bekah]

Nah I was just trying to tell you that being a virgin will acttract the right attention from the right kind of girl.

 

So does this girl act the same way around you? I know the feeling of being the minority. The guys I've been in relationships with have lost their virginity. I think that made me stand out in a good way. But then again maybe they are exs because they still want to have fun while they're still young if you know what I mean...lol.

 

Being a virgin definitely makes things different when it comes to dating. Not very many guys seem to be on the same page and I'm wondering if you have a similar situation with girls. On top of that, I'm mature for my age and have gotten a pretty good idea of what I'm looking for in a guy and I guess others can see it as being picky. So because of those reasons I am single most of the time. But at the same time, compromising doesn't make anyone happy so I will continue to be a virgin until marriage even if I am single most of time. I'm a great catch and I want someone to true understand and appreciate all that I have to offer.

[romantic sweetheart]

Hi--just wanted to tell you that yes, another virgin here. Most people I meet find this curiously intriguing...and then there are those who cannot stand it and run from me as if I have the plague. That's the hardest thing for me. There has been a lot of pain over the years due to the values I hold dear.

 

I have remained a virgin because I want to wait until marriage..morally, it has always felt right. I am a very sensual person and believe passion is crucial in a loving relationship...but I just know that I will wait to fully give myself to a man.

 

There have been certain physical experiences I have had that have left me devestated...yes, with hurtful men. But I have not abandoned my desire to wait until marriage.

 

I have felt confused sometimes as to how far I should go....how far is all right...? I believe our sexuality is very sacred, just like shyguy said. A miracel, to be exact. Beauty, intrigue, a dream....such closeness of two souls....the sustenance of our lives...the thrill of a connection, the peace of intimacy, the comfort of an embrace, the longing, the sweetness of a tender kiss....yes, love and making love go hand in hand.

 

But I do not condemn anyone who has not waited. I make no judgements at all. I just don't want anyone to get hurt. And I know that sometimes people pour out their heart in love...and their physical passion is full of tenderness....only to be returned with a callous brush-off, a life-changing illness......I just want men and women to adore each other.....To find those sweet times when men kissed a woman's hand, wrote her love letters, asked to meet her at midnight, got down on his knees to profess his undying love....ah me.......I do believe in romance

 

All I know is our sexuality binds our heart to another heart......this mystery cannot be treated lightly......And it is painful when our passion is received coldy..and treated with no respect and tenderness....I have been there...and it is awful.......I can only imagine how much worse it would be if I was fully intimate.......

 

It is thrilling to have the intrigue still there....I have found that many men find this charming and alluring.....and the passion is very intense because there is still that forbidden element........

 

I don't think it is silly at all to wait...it is endearing..and sweet.....and unique........

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

There are some benefits to being a virgin, but its not the most important thing. I mean, having sex outside of marriage can be hurtful...but there are lots of other hurtful things. I am a virgin and have not been hurt by premarital sex, but I have been sooooo hurt by other people in different ways. SO i think that if I get hurt anyway, why don't I lose my virginity doing it? Then at least there will be some fun as I am hurt. I don't have any plans to lose my virginity, and I don't even have a girlfriend. BUt those are just my thoughts....

[hecka_bekah]

Romantic Sweetheart- I think you have an amazing outlook! You seem to have so much inner strength being a virgin despite all the social pressure you may have to lose it so easily! I'm amazed at how many of those who responded are waiting until marriage like me!

 

I_love_rain_hugs_and_you- I understand what you are saying and if that it how you see virginity, then losing it to someone who can possibly break your heart will not make things worse because at least at the time it would happen it would have been a beautiful moment.

 

I guess I just see it a little differently. More than just a physical pleasure, but a higher level of satisfaction two people who love each other have. And when I mean love, I mean love each other enough to wait until marriage and until they are both old enough to handle the consequences of having sex. To have that security when having sex on top of the physical pleasure must be a wonderful feeling.

[romantic sweetheart]

Thank you for your compliments, heckah beckah. I am so glad there are others who hold dear the things I do. Like you said, it must be so wonderful to have so much passion AND security with someone within the sacred bonds of marriage. I really long for this to come into my life....and my heart will remain open for this joyous possibility.

 

Stay strong in your beliefs--you are a rare jewel--and more than you would believe, men really do find this attractive. One of the best things anyone ever said to me when I told him I wanted to wait was that I was like a unicorn,a very rare creature. Maybe that sounds sappy, but I was really touched......

 

The one love I have had that really affected me deeply was with a young man I met two years ago. One night we were lying in the sand along the sea. It was a quiet night, full of stars. He was tracing his fingers through the sand, gazing at me. I looked up into the sky and told him that I was waiting for marriage.....and how much I respected and desired passion that was right and true. I told him how much it hurt when others had walked away because of my values.....and he put his hands on my arms and said he admired me and was glad to know that I felt this way......

 

Even if people do not share this same belief, many still respect it and cherih it...if somone truly loves you, loves and adores you, he/she will embrace what you are inside, and never disrespect you. Stay true to your heart...and you will attract the love you need...want...and desire.

 

Passion is beautiful and amazing...even though we are waiting for marriage, we still can experience and know the joys of physcial closeness with another human soul. I can only imagine how much more intesne and wondrous it will be when I am fully intimate with my true love.....but when I met that one young man two years ago, I learned what true passion was....and when we were close physically, I felt so much joy and comfort that tears came to my eyes.

 

Passion....love....desire.....yearning........beauty.......honour......romance........Here's to a dream-filled night...

[ShySoul]

I just want to say how inspiring this post is. At times it can feel like people think your crazy for making such a choice. It's good to know there are others who are dreamers in this world, who realize how special it can be when you wait for the person you'll be with forever. Love and intimacy is something that shouldn't be taken likely, and its something that is worth the wait. For everyone who has posted, you are all special. Never forget that.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

I don't really care if I am a virgin or not. I really don't. I am not going to lose my virginity until marriage because of moral reasons. But on an emotional level I could care less.

 

Also, sex really isn't that important to me. I very rarely think about having sex. Maybe once or twice a week I think about sex, but the rest of the time I am thinking about other things. Sex isn't everything. Love is most important. I want a girl who truly loves me. I don't care if she is sexy or not....i just want to find someone who loves me.

 

I don't know why so many people over rate sex. Love is more important. I don't care about virginities....LOVE, not sex, is everything. I want a girl who will care about me and never leave me and will be faithful and will appreciate me, and who i will love, and hold, and kiss. and tell her that she is beautiful everyday. Make love,not sex.

[DropToZero]

So does this girl act the same way around you?

 

I'm not sure....if you want me to be more specific you could ask questions...b/c I dont get to see her every day..hell I haven't seen her since our nite out b/c I've been so busy. So I don't know how she acts around other guys etc.... I've flirted with her, taken her out(she told me that nite, and the next day she had a great time), but I never asked her out again b/c I've been so busy. She probably lost interest by now....who knows. She wouldn't leave me alone at one point, it was almost annoying, then she just turned off or so it seems....and in turn, I began to wonder why she wasn't talking to me as often as before.....so I'm trying to keep myself from falling for her right now.

[hecka_bekah]

I_love_rain_hugs_and_you- You're right! Sex isn't everything! But I think the reasons behind it can show a great deal about wehre someone is at in their life and if they are mature enough to be in a loving relationship. It can be a gift of love to a mate or it can be abused, thus lowering the importance of sex.

 

LtAwesome- Could it be that she thinks you aren't interested anymore because you have been busy. Have you called her lately? Maybe she's been waiting for your call...

 

ShySoul- I'm so happy this has been so uplifting for you! I know it has been for me because I often forget that there are some people who have a similar mindset as me when it comes to sex. It's difficult to have a relationship with someone who views sex so differently and so this gives me hope.

 

After reading some of your comments and advice in the past and then reading your response to this particular topic, I've noticed that your logic on many life issues makes a lot of sense to me. I have no idea who you are, but I think your view on life is a postive one and I think you will become happy and will make others around you happy because of it

[DropToZero]

I have no clue what's goin on anymore....I'm torn between having a life or working 24/7 it seems. I'm too busy to do anything w/a girl , I bet she just lost interest....she bought me something from a trip she went on during spring break, and I havent even had the chance to go see her to find out what it was she brought back for me. I don't even really know why she got me something...

[hecka_bekah]

I suggest you talk to her about it before it eats you up.

[mjctraider]

Add me to the list. I'm not really proud of it nor am I ashamed of it. Just haven't met the right person and I really don't think I would ever want to have a one night stand or anything like that. It would have to be with a woman I care out and be special, besides to me it's not really important for me, I care more about just being with a girl no matter what we are doing and ust being together, then to just have a girlfriend so I can sleep with her. I'm not the kind of guy were I want the "one thing" from a girl.

 

For me a girlfriend would be a friend, compainion, a goddess, someone to care for and be there for her no matter what and make her happy and feel special. Make her feel on top of the world and that she is the best thing to ever happen to me, but that has yet to happen. I'm even a virgin when it comes to kissing. Still waiting for that special moment too. Maybe one day when I'm old and gray, lol.

[mysticaleyes]

I AM!!!! i can say that proudly for right now..who knows when i get into college...hehe. well yea..i think finding the right guy is the best thing but things happen. right now i still am...i guess i value my religion and all...and i guess i can still say i'm quite immature for my age. i guess it's not as bad for a girl to be a virgin..i do know how guys get nagged if they are...but whatever

[hecka_bekah]

mjctraider-That's awesome! I'm surprised you're not taken. Especially after the fact that you would treat a girl like a goddess! You deserve a great girl and I hope you find her someday

[Leonidas]

I am 33 year old male and still a virgin.

 

Although, given my age, you can appreciate that I no longer care whether or not I lose my virginity.

 

In fact, in many ways I feel that the most difficult days are behind me. By the time I reached 30, I was totally fed up with chasing after girls and being rejected. I feel that I would rather stay a virgin forever than humiliate myself any more.

 

Part of my being a virgin is due to my being pathologically shy. But the other part is due to my only finding beautiful women sexually attractive. It took me a long time to realise that beautiful women were out of my league. But, I have accepted things as they are - and I have no desire to lose my virginity to a woman whom I do not find attractive.

 

Infact, this is my current dilemma (raised in a current post) because I'm in love with a woman whom I do not find sexually attractive.

[ShySoul]

Leonidas,

 

It's good that you don't care if your a virgin, but that doesn't mean you need to give up on love either. I'm REALLY shy, but that doesn't mean anything. You need to believe you are attractive and have confidence in yourself. No women is out of your league, no matter how beautiful she may be. You need to change your way of looking at yourself. Believe in yourself more. Realize that plenty of people probably find you attractive but are too shy to say anything. Some girl may be thinking of you right now saying to herself that she is out of your league. Talk to this girl, ask her out. The important think to realize is that even if she doesn't feel the same way, at least you tried. Nothing will every happen unless you try. You won't be humilating yourself, you'll be taking a chance. And the chance is worth it.

 

Also, don't focus so much on beautiful women. Look at the person for who she is on the inside. Once you do, you'll begin to see beauty in a whole new way. Those people you might not have noticed before will become the most attractive people around, and they'll probably also be the ones you connect with more. That could help you find somebody.

[Leonidas]

ShySoul,

Many thanks for your encouragement.

 

I take your point about confidence - I'm probably not the most confident guy that ever lived - but keep in mind that I'm 33 years old. I've fallen in love lots of times and asked out (albiet beautiful) women lots of times and been rejected lots of times. When I was in my 20s, I was prepared to accept these rejections with some grace and a corresponding sense of form. (Although I also those bitter & frustrated feelings too.)

 

But, with advancing age, these (albiet polite) rejections become rather humiliating and somewhat undignified. In some ways, this is cuts far deeper than teenage angst or the pain of unrequited love. One's personal dignity is one's sense of self-respect - without which one has no honour.

 

As an Englishman, I was brought up to believe that the dignity of a life is more important than its success.

 

So, I'm probably less willing to charge into the fray at the age of 33.

[Leonidas]

ShySoul,

And regarding beautiful women, from a logical perspective I do appreciate that falling for a beautiful woman is a very foolish action.

 

Beautiful women are automatically spoilt and indulged by sad males like me. thereforeeee, of all the women in the world, beautiful women are surely the least deserving of so much attention!

 

However, sexual attraction seems to be one aspect of life that does not obey laws of logic.

 

And more's the pity for this harsh reality - I wish it were otherwise.

 

I have no active choice in whom I find sexually attractive. The decision is immediately made for me on an instinctive level by a bestial part of my brain over which I have no control. I ONLY find beautiful women sexually attractive and I ALWAYS find beautiful women sexually attractive. I have no control over this reality.

 

Mind you, H.L.Menchken, author of The American Language, said something about men loving women that I have always found very sobering:

'Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another'.

[ShySoul]

Leonidas,

 

I understand that you are getting older and that being rejected still after all that time is getting old, not something you want to deal with anymore. At 22 and never having asked out a girl or only recently even having a girl show interest in me, it can cut pretty deep for me. I can only imagine how bad you must feel about it. But the idea is the same whether you are 16 or 60, if you want to get some where then you have to do something about it. I'm not saying throw yourself at any and every girl that you see. Have your dignity and honor, don't be desperate. But is it honorable or dignified to not risk rejection and go for something that you want. You don't need to charge into the fray, sit back and let the opportunity come to you. But when it does, you'll do more damage to your dignity if you do nothing then if you take the chance and risk rejection. Remember, bigger the risk, bigger the potential reward.

 

Onto beautiful women, a more pleasant topic I'd have to say 8) . First thing I would ask you is, what do you mean by beautiful? Are you basing it purely on looks? Even if you are, each person's taste in what they find physically attractive will vary so that you can't come up with any kind of agreement on what a beautiful person looks like. Most of the women that are suppose to be absolutely gorgeous, I don't find attractive in the least. Yet, those people whose looks aren't the stereotype of beauty are often the most beautiful people.

 

You do have control over who you find sexually attractive. Such attraction can be based on love or on lust. Your looking at it from a lust standpoint. Try looking at it in terms of love. A person's true beauty is on the inside. If you see that and truly love the person, they will be beautiful on the outside, at least in your mind. You'll find yourself sexually attracted to the person not because of appearance but because of the connection you have and the love you share.

 

I know this sounds idealist and doesn't match the harsh reality you've observed. But if you can find it in you to start seeing things this way, it will help you tremendously.

[mjctraider]

mjctraider-That's awesome! I'm surprised you're not taken. Especially after the fact that you would treat a girl like a goddess! You deserve a great girl and I hope you find her someday

 

Why thank you. I hope I can find her too one day. Been looking and looking and no luck yet, funny thing is everyone says "Don't try so hard", but I don't. Oh well. I guess I will continue my quest to find my goddess.

[hecka_bekah]

I know what you mean. You'll never find that special person while looking for them. Right now I am starting to understand that whenever it's meant to me it will come to me. I just need to trust that God has someone out there, but I haven't met them because I'm not ready to. I surely want to be ready when I meet him, so now is the time to just be happy with where I'm at in life so I can become the better person I want to be.

 

I'm feeling a little more peaceful in my surroundings and I think the reason is because I'm close to closing a chapter in my life (letting go of a friendship with an ex that never really existed to begin with). And now it becomes clear that the reasons why I wanted a companion were to feel accepted for the part of me that felt rejected by my ex. I just wanted to forget the pain, but the only way I can do that is to just let it go myself and ultimately no other person can help me with that.

 

A companion can't make their loved one become a happy person, but can recognize the happiness that dwells within them and show it off in a new light. Happiness grows and so if there is no happiness within one's self to begin with how can another make it grow? Plus, there are other relationships with people that can make one's happiness grow.

 

So I guess it's time for us to find out where true happiness lies, right? lol. It's going to be difficult having faith in God that everything is perfect now just how it is....a balance of making plans for our future while living in the present. But that's just it! Having faith in anything, not just in finding a companion will make anyone be content with their lif because there is no stress and no pressure, but trust in God that no matter what happens God will take care of us.

 

I'm sure we'll both figure it out and after that I know there will be someone out there for both of us who will be going down the same road! Don't give up hope!

[yellow angel]

me! im still a virgin by choice..

for me getting intimate and having sex with someone is a sacred thing to do.

[here2understand2]

interestin 2 see so many responses, well all i'd say is..i lost mine when i was 20 nd to a great girl who was 24 nd she taught me was not to make sex the basis of a relationship..after tht i've always taken time, sometimes literally pulling myself back if i feel its too soon..its workd for me allright for 3 years now so am gonna stick 2 it..It doesnt mean tht i've had a steady relationship for the last 3 years, i've had a few 7-8 monthers but they've always been very satisfying.

 

I dont believe when some of the posters here say that they're saving themselves for marriage or the right person, because in the last few years i've met 2 awesomely perfect girls(nd some not so perfect ones!LOL!)..only thing that keeps me away from being with them right now is my career and what I want to be professionally in the next 10 years or so because they wanted to settle down way 2 sooner than that, nd I wasnt ready for it! So i guess there's no set of rules, peer pressure is always there but thts when u learn 2 handle it maturely rather than 'macho'ly.