hummm...what would it mean if a guy says...

[randy]

Well first of this is not about me but a female friend of mine. She and her best friend ended up dating eachother (nothing serious, not to much romantic contact from what i can tell). Anyways, when they were together as friends (knew eachother for 2 years) and when they were together as a couple nothing really changed between them. No real romantic contact or anything. It was just like they were friends and nothing changed.

 

Her friend had just gotten of a 4 year relationship (note that he is in his early 30's and she in her late 20's). About a month after that my friend and her best friend ended up dating. About after 3 weeks of dating the guy told her that he does not want to be with her in a romantic way but he wants to be friends with her like how they were before, (which is pretty much not much of a change considering when they were to together for that 3 weeks nothing really changed between them from what I can tell).

 

Anyways when he broke it off with her he said "he is not ready for a relationship". Now the romance died off between this guy and his ex GF of 4 years some time ago (even though they were together) so i don't think it has anything to do with his old girlfriend.

 

When they were just friends he would call her when he was bord and had nothing to do. He seems like a nice person over all. (He drives her around to do her grocery shopping, they send some time together going to resturantants and stuff alone together etc, they practacly did everything together and saw eachother about 3-4 time a week when they were friends).

 

Why do u think this guy left her?????

 

I have my own ideas but i am curious to know what other people think!!!!

[annie24]

I was in a pretty much similar situation myself. My guess - the guy just wasn't that into her, romantically. I think that while they were friends, things were fine, but then he may have started wondering what it would be like to kiss her and to date her. And then he did, and he realized that they were compatible as friends, but not as lovers or bf/gf. That's my analysis...

[Cecelius]

No passion, and probably because of a physical attraction issue.

[randy]

I was in a pretty much similar situation myself. My guess - the guy just wasn't that into her, romantically. I think that while they were friends, things were fine, but then he may have started wondering what it would be like to kiss her and to date her. And then he did, and he realized that they were compatible as friends, but not as lovers or bf/gf. That's my analysis...

 

 

ya ... thats exactlly what i think. He just was not into her that much. But the thing is, i don't think she sees it. I just find it strange that he still tries to flirt with her a bit and that he wants to spend so much time with her. Maybe he has some hidden goal (i don't think it's sex).

[annie24]

Well - maybe he's flirting with her once in a while, because it pops into his head... hmmm... she's cool... maybe it may work, but then he remembers again that it didn't. I mean - he probably does have some romantic feelings towards her, but just not enough....

 

Tell her to go read the book "He's just not that into you." It should clear everything up.

[Cecelius]

Not to be callous, but it is usually wise not to assume that a man has anything planned beyond the next 10 minutes in his mind.

 

 

They are friends, I assume he's been intimate with her, he's not harming anyone, of course he's going to flirt with her if he finds her at all attractive, even if not enough for a relationship.

[annie24]

Well - What I mean is that while he's flirting, he forgets that they already tried the relationship thing that didn't work out. But yeah, he sees her, and just is being flirty and nice. At least they didn't break it off on bad terms. I was friends with a guy for 4 years, and then we dated for 2-3 weeks, and that was the end of everything! Friendship also!

[djedix]

It kinda sounds like my one friend. He;s a great guy, and he's been friends with this one girl for a really long time, ever since they were little. I talk to her sometimes, and I know she likes him and would love to go out with him ( she's told me) But when i've talked to him about it, he just says he like being friends with her, and he's just not attracted to her at all. She's not bad looking at all. It frustrates me because it's like she's everything he ever wants in someone, but he wont date her. I'd love to date someone like her. She's an awesome person

[RayKay]

Just because we get along with someone in friendship sense, and love them to a degree, does not always mean there is that something there to make it a romantic relationship as well. While a relationship must always have a core of friendship at it, it also needs those elements that make it a romantic one.

 

In this case, it might be a physical chemistry thing, maybe they don't share the same goals, maybe the communication is fine on a friends level but not beyond that, maybe he just could not see sharing his life with her as anything more than friends. Only he really knows, and he may or may not tell you why - maybe even he does not really know why, he just feels that it is not what he is looking for.

[RayKay]

It kinda sounds like my one friend. He;s a great guy, and he's been friends with this one girl for a really long time, ever since they were little. I talk to her sometimes, and I know she likes him and would love to go out with him ( she's told me) But when i've talked to him about it, he just says he like being friends with her, and he's just not attracted to her at all. She's not bad looking at all. It frustrates me because it's like she's everything he ever wants in someone, but he wont date her. I'd love to date someone like her. She's an awesome person

 

Sometimes someone can be great on paper and have everything we say we are looking for, but they just are not it for us for some reason. We can't explain it. The problem is we don't pick partners based just on them filling a list of what we are looking for - we pick them and are with them based on how they make us feel (well ideally) and your friend cannot force his feelings for her. You would love to date her, but he does not feel the same way.

 

Its about timing, connection, being in the right place at the right time, and that chemistry. He might just not feel it, and it does not matter if you or anyone else things he should - he just doesn't. Be glad he is knowing this and not going out with her, knowing he will hurt her later down the road. Maybe one day he will have stronger feelings, but they can only come naturally and right now they are not there and he is wise not to force them.

[djedix]

Its about timing, connection, being in the right place at the right time, and that chemistry. He might just not feel it, and it does not matter if you or anyone else things he should - he just doesn't. Be glad he is knowing this and not going out with her, knowing he will hurt her later down the road. Maybe one day he will have stronger feelings, but they can only come naturally and right now they are not there and he is wise not to force them.

 

Well that's i'm afraid of, I know she has feelings for him, and she's been thinking about it more and more lately. She even mentioned to me that she was thinking about asking him out, and alot of people around her say she should go for it. I know she's going to get hurt, and I don't want her to. But sometimes you gotta let people find out stuff on there own. They are both my friends. I don't think anything would change if she does, and he says no. I kinda think she knows that, but I know she'll still be hurt by it. Live and learn.

[randy]

Its about timing, connection, being in the right place at the right time, and that chemistry. He might just not feel it, and it does not matter if you or anyone else things he should - he just doesn't. Be glad he is knowing this and not going out with her, knowing he will hurt her later down the road. Maybe one day he will have stronger feelings, but they can only come naturally and right now they are not there and he is wise not to force them.

 

Well that's i'm afraid of, I know she has feelings for him, and she's been thinking about it more and more lately. She even mentioned to me that she was thinking about asking him out, and alot of people around her say she should go for it. I know she's going to get hurt, and I don't want her to. But sometimes you gotta let people find out stuff on there own. They are both my friends. I don't think anything would change if she does, and he says no. I kinda think she knows that, but I know she'll still be hurt by it. Live and learn.

 

 

ya sometimes you really have to let people learn by themself. I Think with my friend the guys is not into her enough. She still has strong feelings for him.

 

If i were that girl you are talking about above i would not ask that guy out. Maybe you should kind of hint to the girl that the guy does not feel any attraction towards her. Or maybe let her make the mistake?

[djedix]

I don't want to really get involved. I think she tried somethign like this in the past. I think he rejected her then too. I sorta have a crush on this girl. So if i get involved, and say "yah shouldn't" it's kinda selfish. I don't know. I'd rather let fate take it's course and see what happens. It kills me to see her sad.. I've talked to my friend about it, he knows I've liked her for years.But that's not the reason why he doesn't like her, he sees her more as a little sister then someone to be with. Maybe in time he'll see the light i see, and that would be great for both of them! It wouldn't bother me one bit actully. My friend and myself are very much the same... I'm kinda hoping she sees that soon, and is like wait a min he's just like him! I'm also coming off this breakup with the fiancee, and I'm in the "I want to be alone" type of mood lately.

 

I think she's wondeful obviously... I've been very nice to her lately, always asking her to come hang out with us and do stuff with us. She's kinda sad alot because a boy broke her heart last year and she never really got over it. In time she will. I just want to make her feel good, make her laugh, and put a smile on her face. I've been doing that lately, and i think she's been noticing it. I defenitly don't want to rush anything on this girl, well because i care about her! I'll let time take it's course if it's ment to be it's ment to be. If not, it's keeping my mind off my past, and it's helping me heal. And that alone is better then anything.