Why is my Cousin avoiding me? (Yes this is a love post unfortunately)

[MissCanuck]

Oh and just to add some extra info. 8 years ago he told me a story of how his dad stopped him from talking to his best friend for 6 years. And that after 6 years went by him and his friend met again and picked up as best friends right where they left off. So as the years went by I thought I'd see him on the 6 year mark. When the 8th year went by I reached out thinking we would be friends again like in his story...

Just wanted to give that extra info so you know where I was coming from with the time thing.

Thanks again

 

You were searching for a pattern of behaviour where there isn't one and thus gave yourself false hope. I don't quite understand why you assumed you and his best friend would have the same experience? There's really no reason to have expected the same outcome. The dynamics would be completely different and we don't know the full story about his best friend either.

 

I say this not to speak down on you, but to encourage you to stop grasping at straws. Setting aside the fact that he is a family member for a moment, I think you have built this up in your head over the years into something that went far beyond the reality of the situation. The truth is you spent very little time together in person and young people change a lot in almost a decade. It would be in your best interest to really let go of hope, stop trying to talk to him, and channel your energy into meeting a guy who is a more viable relationship prospect.

[Ilovetohard]

You were searching for a pattern of behaviour where there isn't one and thus gave yourself false hope. I don't quite understand why you assumed you and his best friend would have the same experience? There's really no reason to have expected the same outcome. The dynamics would be completely different and we don't know the full story about his best friend either.

 

I say this not to speak down on you, but to encourage you to stop grasping at straws. Setting aside the fact that he is a family member for a moment, I think you have built this up in your head over the years into something that went far beyond the reality of the situation. The truth is you spent very little time together in person and young people change a lot in almost a decade. It would be in your best interest to really let go of hope, stop trying to talk to him, and channel your energy into meeting a guy who is a more viable relationship prospect.

 

Totally agree, just wanted to let you know why I thought the way I did for so long. He called me one of his best friends first by the way. When he did I thought it was odd but sweet since we hit it off so well.

Thanks again

[Itsme2033]

There has been a lot of closed-minded responses about cousins being romantically involved. You should not let that be an issue for you.

 

On the other hand he is giving you signals that he is not interested. There could be any number of reasons for that. Here are two possible reasons. One reason could be that he is not interested in you. Another possible reason is that he is interested in you, but he has the same stigma in his mind about cousin relationships that a lot of people in this thread have shown. Perhaps he feels conflicted about it. Of course there could be any number of other reasons as well. You may never get to know the real reason.

 

My recommendation to you is that you not give up on him, but that you will expect that there is a chance that things could work out someday, but it's only a small chance. Let him set the pace mostly. If a year or two goes by and you haven't heard from him, just reach out with a little contact. You should of course pursue other relationships, but it's OK to hold a special spot in your heart for him.

 

To me it seems fairly clear that he has thought about you in a romantic way, but that he has decided not to pursue it. It's possible that he doesn't like you in a romantic way at all, but I don't think that's the case. The way he is behaving is more like the way someone would behave if they have been warned to stay away from you. Perhaps his dad or perhaps someone else. Whatever the reason, your first obligation is to you. You need to date other people and be happy in your romantic life.

 

I know two couples that are first cousins. In both cases, the relationships seem like normal, average relationships. I think that is the case with most cousin relationships.

[Ilovetohard]

There has been a lot of closed-minded responses about cousins being romantically involved. You should not let that be an issue for you.

 

On the other hand he is giving you signals that he is not interested. There could be any number of reasons for that. Here are two possible reasons. One reason could be that he is not interested in you. Another possible reason is that he is interested in you, but he has the same stigma in his mind about cousin relationships that a lot of people in this thread have shown. Perhaps he feels conflicted about it. Of course there could be any number of other reasons as well. You may never get to know the real reason.

 

My recommendation to you is that you not give up on him, but that you will expect that there is a chance that things could work out someday, but it's only a small chance. Let him set the pace mostly. If a year or two goes by and you haven't heard from him, just reach out with a little contact. You should of course pursue other relationships, but it's OK to hold a special spot in your heart for him.

 

To me it seems fairly clear that he has thought about you in a romantic way, but that he has decided not to pursue it. It's possible that he doesn't like you in a romantic way at all, but I don't think that's the case. The way he is behaving is more like the way someone would behave if they have been warned to stay away from you. Perhaps his dad or perhaps someone else. Whatever the reason, your first obligation is to you. You need to date other people and be happy in your romantic life.

 

I know two couples that are first cousins. In both cases, the relationships seem like normal, average relationships. I think that is the case with most cousin relationships.

 

Thank you so much for your comment. You are a sweetheart who truly looked at my case and gave me a gentle and understanding answer.

I am so grateful for your grace, respect, and care for my sensitive subject.

You are an angel.

*Hugs* and Love

[Ilovetohard]

Just a quick update for anyone wondering. DON'T BE LIKE ME! If you are in this situation or something similar, DON'T BE LIKE ME!

There was a lot missing in my life for the past couple of years and I held onto multiple illusions toward many people not just this dude.

He contacted me around Christmas 5 months after I had contacted him and when I replied he disappeared again. It took disrespect, humiliation, and taking a long hard look in the mirror to make me grow up and turn into the 27 year old adult I had been avoiding all this time. During the time I had wrote this post I had just graduated college and was having a very very hard time finding a job. Unemployment is a powerful thing and will make your mind cling to all sorts of childish, insane things. Now it's 2017, I've turned my life around and I can't even believe I was holding on to someone who didn't even know me.

Thanks again for all of your comments, they definitely helped me see things in the correct perspective.

I'll say again, Don't Be Like Me! I'm talking about with love, friends, or family. If someone doesn't make the time to be with you and allows years to go by without talking to you. It's Over! Live your life and move on. Trust me, when you find people who care about you, you won't have to ask if they care or not. If you have to ask...they probably don't...

Peace and love!

 

-Ilovetohard (actually not anymore lol or at least not with people who don't deserve it.)