girls, girls, girls...

[manofthehour111]

So I've talked with my buddies about this, but they don't understand it either, and I'm left wondering what I'm supposed to do. So I've turned to the Internet, hoping to find the answers that have evaded me for so long. And here I stumble accross this site, and after looking through posts by others; I realize that my answers may lie in the words of my fellow man (or woman). So, here goes…

 

I've got this woman, knew her since high school, but fell out of touch when we both left for college. In high school we hung out frequently, of course with my romantic intentions never unveiled. I enjoyed her company, but soon we had a falling out, and I hadn't seen her for two or three years since. However, come October of last year our paths crossed again. She sent me an e-mail, explaining how she missed me and wished to catch up. I agreed and it was set. We went out to lunch the following week, and had a wonderful time. We were laughing and joking, talking of the high school days. She even brushed me with her hand a couple times, and that to me was a good sign.

 

However, seeing as we went to different schools, we didn't talk much after this. But then Christmas came, and she went back home before me, because her school let out before mine. She began to send e-mails about how I need to come home, and that she was there waiting for me. So the first day I got home I called her, and she told me to come to a party one of her friends was having. So I went, and things really began to look up then. She hung on my arm the whole night, and often times leaned in to whisper in my ear, and then kissed me on the neck and the cheek. Yet, when we both left (not together unfortunately) she never said anything at all about it. Actually, I didn't talk to her for a week after that, and soon enough I returned to school without meeting her again. But later she called me and told me I should go to her school and be her Valentine and that we could spend the night together. Well, her school is like 4 hours away so I couldn't make the trip. I asked her to come visit me and she said no way, that it would spell disaster, whatever that means.

 

Well, I really don't want to relive the whole experiences but basically I think the message here is clear. She continually sends me heavy signals for a bit, and then will completely shut me out it seems. It will be from one thing to another, with a couple weeks of nothing in between. She seems to be interested, but every time things go well a dry spell occurs and I don't hear from her for a while. I'm wondering, is this just the sign of a big flirt, or maybe I should go for it? It seems everyone thinks she's just pulling my chain, and that I need to stop eating all the flirting up. They say she is messing with me, and doesn't really want anything. But, she made the effort to meet me, and does this often. I don't understand women, even today. To think, I feel like I'm in high school again, which is exhilarating at times, but I'm just too old to do the things I did when I was a kid. Anyone got any ideas to what it all means?

[Drizown]

Well I think you should leave it alone... It sounds like she only calls you up when she needs to be seen with a date. She called you up for that party and pretty much used you as arm candy, and then only called you again when she needed a valentine, and wasn't willing to come see you? I say put this behind you because it's only going to leave you frustrated and upset.

[Prosper]

You should follow your instincts.

 

Is she flirting? Or is she teasing you?

 

Why should she send you an email after so long and treat you this manner? Having revenge? I dun think so.

 

When a woman loves you, she will beat you hard enough and scold you more than enough. Thats all.

[manofthehour111]

I can see where it seems like she's just using me when she needs a date, but it still puzzles me. If my only use to her was as a date, wouldn't it be more advisable to find a date closer to her? like a buddy at school, or someone that lives by her. I am a state away, and to me, it wouldn't make sense to ask me to visit if she only needed someone to be seen with. I'm not saying that this could be her intention, but it's peculiar that she puts in effort to see me if I'm just "that guy she needs to be seen with" You know?

 

Also, it's not like we're the closest of friends, i mean, I've talked to her maybe three times before that party, and that doesnt seem like a person to use if you're in desperation to find a date. I could be wrong though, I don't know what women think.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Lemme see...

 

She continually sends me heavy signals for a bit, and then will completely shut me out it seems. It will be from one thing to another, with a couple weeks of nothing in between.

If she is shy, she may be waiting for you to make the second move. Yep, the second move. She may feel that she is giving you signals, but she is too shy to come out and express her feelings more than what she's doing. She may be waiting for you to pick up on these signals and take it from there. Think of it as ping-pong. Her Ping was the kiss on the neck, the holding of your arm, inviting you to be her Valentine, but you have yet to Pong her. It's your move I'm afraid.

 

She seems to be interested, but every time things go well a dry spell occurs and I don't hear from her for a while. I'm wondering, is this just the sign of a big flirt, or maybe I should go for it?

I've seen that a lot from shy people. We'll do "hang out" things with someone we like, we either give hints or don't say anything during this time, then that dry spell comes. Her dry spell might be her waiting for you to invite her out for a date. She may be thinking, "I'm giving him these hints, and things go well, then I don't hear from him in a week or two." The next time you feel a dry spell, call her before it gets to be too long and see what happens.

 

If my only use to her was as a date, wouldn't it be more advisable to find a date closer to her? like a buddy at school, or someone that lives by her. I am a state away, and to me, it wouldn't make sense to ask me to visit if she only needed someone to be seen with. I'm not saying that this could be her intention, but it's peculiar that she puts in effort to see me if I'm just "that guy she needs to be seen with" You know?

You said it there yourself. How many people go out of their way to find a date miles and miles away? If she's going through the trouble, I'd say that stands for something, wouldn't you think?

[BillyJean714]

Here's my take on this. If she's a BIG flirt, then she could easily find someone else to cling onto for Valentines and parties. I doubt that she's using you just to have someone to look good at parties with. If she's diggin you, she's diggin you.

 

Some signs that lead me to think that she may like you more than just a friend is that she pecked you on your cheeks a couple of times at the party, right? These are some clear signals. I sense that she's not wanting to come on too strong. That's why she's not straight up telling you that she's interested. Women like to be chased. Don't forget that!

 

Be honest with yourself. Take a chance. If you don't, you will NEVER know. Do NOT live life with regrets, thinking, "I wish I coulda, I wished I shoulda..." Nah. Don't do that! Play your cards right. If you choose to ask her what her about where you stand in this relationship, then take it slow. Hang out with her again. After a few dates, kiss her on her cheeks or show some obvious signals.

 

If you prolong things a bit longer, she may take it as you're not being into her, and she will move on. You may need to make the move. When you feel comftorable enough, make the move and give her a kiss. Often times, it's the first kiss that will determine whether or not I am TRULY into a guy. If the kiss turns out okay, then ask her if she wants to be your GF. However, if I were you, kiss her on the 3rd or 4th date. Not the 1st. Sometimes, it's the mystery of waiting for the first kiss that entices the relationship even more.

 

Best of Luck to yah!-Billy

[manofthehour111]

This is such a great place. You give a lot better advice than my friends (whose constant reply to anything is "I dunno let's drink") but yeah I guess I just needed the reassurance that I'm not being played.

 

She probably is waiting for me to make the next move, and I didnt really look at it that way. Oh how the women love to be pursued, feeds their ego and all! Well, I guess I should call her and see if she'll take me up on a date. Thanks again everyone, you guys have made my day!!

[BillyJean714]

Hey, no problem man...Best of luck to you! Be cautious. Have fun. If it works out, then great! If it doesn't, then don't take it personally. Just wanted to say one more thing, if you truly want to know if she's taking you seriously, or not, look at her actions. If she consistantly reciprocates, and responds positively to your advances, then you're on the right track! If she see's you as a boy toy, then watch out. You will know if she does through her actions. I know this is a gamble, but you will never know unless if you try. And if you try, and all else fails, at least you have your ANSWER. And that's all that matters! Get out there and enjoy yourself! Stay positive, no matter what happens. That is the power of attitude and confidence! Take care! -Billy