Two weeks ago my life was wonderful. The End.

[DavidinArizona]

My name is David, July 7th I should celebrate my 13th wedding aniversary. I am 33 years old. I have two children, my girl is 13 and my son is 6.

 

If you asked me a couple of weeks ago how I thought my life was going, I would have exclaimed, "Wonderful!" We have a nice house, it is full of love. The kids are doing great, excited about the summer and my wife and I are in love.

 

We've been together for most of our adult lives. We have always been "best friends." I've provided the very best I can and would do anything for my family. We have a very solid relationship in terms of respect and love for each other.

 

My wife has spent most of her life as a "stay at home" mom. She had a couple of brief part time jobs that covered a span of maybe 18 months. Several years have passed since. Less than a year ago she was ready to venture out, ready to do something once again. She found a part time job at a convience store roughly 7 months ago. Everything had improved since. She felt great being out and doing something. I believed life had once again improved. Life couldn't be better.

 

Within the past month I could tell my wife had something on her mind. Something was bothering her. I would often inquire how she was doing. She always replied, "fine." She was happy, life was good. However, I just knew something was different, something had changed.

 

As I contined to press her from time to time, she held her ground and echoed her content. As the days passed I grew even more certain there was a problem, she had something on her mind.

 

I took her to breakfast, we ran some errands. After returning home I once again urged her to speak with me. And that is when it happened. She took a deep breath, then exclaimed, "here it goes." "I don't think I love you anymore." As I sat dumbfounded and in disbelief, my world started to crumble around me. She continued on, explaing that she had been feeling this way for, (as she put it) a long time. To this day she has not defined "a long time." Over the past couple of weeks I've done most of the talking. I am still trying to understand. I am very confused. My wife does not provide me with much information. She continues in her simplist words, her simplist definition, "I think I need to move on." "I am not in love with you anymore."

 

I don't understand so I am certain there is no way for me to convey our situation fully. I believe I've been doing the "right" thing all these years, to the best of my ability. I can't understand why my wife chose not to confront her feelings, issues. She claims she did not want to deal with it, however we're dealing with it now, and now, it might be too late.

 

I don't want to give up, not on my family, not on my wife. At what point should I realize, I've done everything I can do, the end of my marriage is inevitable?

 

David

[solstice48]

I know the shock your going through & how your life has seemed to change in a flash. I'm going through a situation like yours. Just before our 25th anniv. my wife said the same thing, I don't love you anymore & I want to go on my own. Here it is 5 months later, our house is sold, our two sons had to move out, our future retirement home in Oregon is being sold & the divorce was final 3 weeks ago. What can you do when that special someone in you life says "I don't love you"? How do you reason with that? Its impossible to understand how someone you've shared your life with can all of a sudden say somethng that devastating. I don't know that your going to be able to do anything that will change her decision to leave, especially if she has it set in her mind about what she wants. My wifes attitude has always been that way & she's always seen things as black or white & no room for discussion or compromise once she's made up her mind. My wife also was not one to convey her thoughts to me before or anytime after about any of her feelings, so I'm left to guess about a lot of things that have happened. I've spent plenty of time going over everything in my mind & still there are questions I know will never be answered. I think what's important now is taking care of your children & yourself. I know its going to be rough but your going to have think of them & try not to plan too far ahead. Remember there's only so much you can do & I'm sure you've done your best. There are things that are beyond our control & accepting that is going to be a difficult task. If you think you might like to talk more don't hesitate to post me directly or come back to here. It helped me & I hope it will help you.

[swraith]

I think what's important now is taking care of your children & yourself. I know its going to be rough but your going to have think of them & try not to plan too far ahead. Remember there's only so much you can do & I'm sure you've done your best. There are things that are beyond our control & accepting that is going to be a difficult task.

 

Solstice48 is right. There might not be much you can do at this point, as she's felt this way for what she says is a long time (the actual length of time is irrelevant, in her mind she's felt this way for long enough to solidify her doubts). It's difficult to work something out with a partner that won't divuldge any information about how they feel. I know this (as you could tell from my post you replied to). Love comes and love goes - that's a fact. It's a painful thing, but it happens. Just urge your wife to be honest with herself and make her take everything into consideration. Maybe throw in the idea of marriage counseling, or come up with a plan you two can work at. The good thing is, it sounds like she still cares about you - there's not a particular catalyst (arguing/fighting) involved which would make the divorce even more painful for everyone involved. But regardless, if she's sure she doesn't love you anymore, work together to make the process as smooth as possible, at least for the children's sake. Explain it to them, and both of you should be there for them regardless of how hurt and vulnerable you feel inside. I can't say much to comfort you, as it's going to get worse before it gets better. But just try to be strong not only for your own sake, but for the children. I hope you can work something out with your wife, but if not, we are all here for you to confide in. Take life one step at a time, and the healing process will follow.

 

Best of luck my friend,

-swraith