Older Man..Adoration...Scared To Hurt Him....Need Help

[romantic sweetheart]

Things have suddenly become interesting in my life. A month ago I was feeling left for dead...now I have a flood of new people coming into my existence.

 

One of them is an older man. He is 52, rides a motorcycle and drives a fast little BMW...wears black and leather, reads all sorts of books, likes to talk.......

 

The problem: He asked me if I wanted to go to the coast with him so I could visit my sister. I said yes....plan was to leave Tuesday night. He came over to my place after I got off work and waited for me to get ready....I was feeling anxious and a dash melancholy...started drinking some wine...wine...wine....feeling lovely.....

 

Then...sick...crying....sobbing...clinging on to his hands.....he was very kind and gave me Penta water, electrolytes.....put me to bed......and he held me all night...........

 

As he held me he told me that I was so beautiful...a doll.....he said when he first saw me he felt an energy....something profound....He stroked my hair and kissed me brow.......

 

Woke up feeling better....we went to the coast.....I felt alive on the ocean......my home......

 

What I am worried about.....I know he feels for me. He wanted to hold me the other night.."Is it okay that I love you?" he asked me as he put his arms around me.

 

He visits me every day where I work....he wants to help take care of me, he says....He says I am a precious person...I feel nothing but kindness from him....and I am intrigued by him and his depth and life experience....

 

But I can't feel at ease about our age difference. I just can't feel right about it. I have nothing against age-gap relationships in the slightest. It's just that we are so far apart in age....and I don't know why.....it just makes me anxious.....

 

I do enjoy his company...but the other day I felt so troubled and emotional about everything...I don't want to hurt him...I am just frightened to death to hurt him....

 

Men have been asking me out, most of them older..and things in my life are suddenly buzzing with this new energy....it feels alive...I feel alive agin....

 

A younger man asked me out....and something in the way he spoke soothed me and made me feel at peace....

 

I don't feel ready to commit to anyone now....I don't want to hurt my new friend, the older man.....What should I do????? I can see he cares about me so much.....he is so invested in my well-being...always buying me books that he finds inpsirational...wants me to meet his nutritionist friend who can help me eat better...all sorts of kind gestures....

 

I don't know what to do!! I need advice desperately...I don't want to hurt him...don't want to lose our friendship...the thought of another person walking away from me right now is too awful....I am always so afraid of opening my soul up because that mens people might walk away....

 

Does anyone know what I can say or do to slow things down a little...? To let him know that I am not sure about all this??? To make him understand I still want his friendship????????

[Here2Help]

Hi, you are quite the poet.

 

Now as for this relationship, you should allow yourself your feelings, both the joy and doubt. It also sounds as if you are in a vulnerable place emotionally and this man has become serious very suddenly, so that's a lot to handle at once. 20+ years is a lot, and for that to work you need to be fully on board, not kinda sorta.

 

The good thing is that he's 50+, so he OUGHT to be able to comprehend your doubts and concerns and respect them. He's rolling the dice with you, anyway. Talk to him. Tell him what you really think and feel. Tell him he's moving too fast and you're concerned about the age difference.

 

Date some other guys, too, including the younger one. If you end up with an older man, do so having checked out your options so you never feel you trapped yourself in a bad situation.

 

Good luck!

[mtastic]

Romantic Sweetheart,

 

I agree withj here2help, form your account it seems like this man really cares about you. I would talk to him about how you're felling, he should be able to understand and respect that. Who knows, perhaps he's had a similar experience in the past, and can offer some help.

 

Good luck,

mtastic

[volution]

To start off with, this older man should be ringing your fire alarm bells - "Is it OK to love you?" is most certainly NOT a question that should be popping up so soon.

He has a BMW, so what? possessions do not maketh a man.

 

Follow YOUR HEART - that is important. You say this other younger man makes you feel at ease... That's a good sign.

 

I hate to say it, but a LOT of older men will take advantage of younger women - thinking that they will fall for their tricks and plays.

 

That this older man is making so much contact with you should also spike your antennas. Saying that 'he wants to take care of you' - is a warning in itself. He could be trying to find a daughter in you - perhaps one he lost previously or was alienated from. This most certainly is not love. So be careful.

 

On a personal note, I find it sad, that 9 times out of 10, a woman will go for an older man over a younger man, even if the older man is less suitable or even totally a dick-head!

[MetallicAguy]

Love can come in all shapes, forms and ages. I saw a Maury show a long time ago (lol) and it had some grandma or something in love with this 20 yr old nerd. I think you should stick with him, and it seems like he loves ya, so you don't want to hurt the guy. Guys are much more sensitive than girls think. But either way you could be his friend and not commit to anyone, or you could not care about him and go out and date some dude. Listen to your heart.

[arwen]

He visits me every day where I work....he wants to help take care of me, he says....He says I am a precious person...I feel nothing but kindness from him....and I am intrigued by him and his depth and life experience....

 

Hey sweetie,

 

It's this part of your message that worries me. You are very vulnerable, and I can imagine this may seem like a perfect man. Aside from the age-factor, I really wonder about his intentions. Young vulnerable women can be a sort of prey for an older 'wiser' man. Be careful.

 

This will maybe sound ad hoc here: I wonder to what extent you might be drawn to this man because you might in fact look for a father figure.

 

You just got yourself out of difficult times. Don't let the next guy take advantage of you by wanting to take care of you. I too am very much a person who would rather be hurt myself, than to hurt another. Still, I work on boundaries. That will eventually mean I will have to say no to something a loved one wants from me from time to time.

 

It doesn't feel right to you, so make it clear from the beginning that you don't feel more than friendship. How come this man is suddenly seeing you at work every day anyway?

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.