Married for Love or Money?

[Jetta]

I'd like to know that those who married, did you marry someone you loved deeply? Or did you choose someone for financial reasons? Are you generally happy with your decision? Why, why not?

[al7]

I'd like to know that those who married, did you marry someone you loved deeply? Or did you choose someone for financial reasons? Are you generally happy with your decision? Why, why not?

 

Is not it a bit hard to confess "yes for money"?

I bet we won't have many different replies here, just one type.

[boredguy]

lol ...thats just wat i was thinkin al7... but honestly, most would say married for love, but how bout this. "did u marry someone u loved, or marry someone you were IN love with? "

ah hah! put that in ur pipe and dont smoke it...ull get cancer...

[Prosper]

Sounds a good question to me..

 

I havent met a guy who is financially stable. I havent met a guy who is truly in love with me, for this such genuine reason.

 

Can i let you know the answer after i found him?

[mandyglass]

Married for love... shoulda gone for the money

[Catlib]

actually for both. Married so I can get a job in this country - does that count for money? We lived together already for 10 years (kinda counts for love) and now, not sure whether it will last - just another sad story of a long term relationship that may have gone sour....

 

curious why the question came up?

[PAdreamer]

We're marrying for love. I think that's probably harder then marrying for financial stability. More people believe in the power of money than in the power of love. The truth is, when we marry, I'll most likely be the one bringing in the most money. At least no one can say we have the wrong intentions.

 

As for the second question- I love him AND I'm in love with him. He's my best friend in the whole world, but he's also my soul mate and my lover. I love him in every way that I possibly can.

[Day_Walker]

Financial stability is something that some people believe is important to look for. There are people out there who believe that you should only marry for love, it seems like something that should be done but in reality one of the main (if not the main one) couples divorce are for financial matters. On the opposite end of the spectrum there are people who marry for money, now the problem here is that the relationship has no other foundation besides money. I believe that most people consider finances when then are looking at a potential partner, there is a huge middle ground here. When it comes down to it all you can really do is go with what works.

[al7]

Financial stability is something that some people believe is important to look for.

 

I find it suepr weird. People do say it is important in marriage: money finnacual stability etc

When it comes to a poll, 99% of people deny money as a reason.

How hypocritical...

[BillyJean714]

You know, I've been thinking a lot about this topi lately. Great question! To tell you the truth, I honestly would rather marry for love. My classmates and I had a discussion about this the other day.

 

My argument is, far too many people get involved in passionless relationships. They end up marrying each other, only to divorce each other somewhere down the road, or cheat on their spouses, due to lack of emotional, mental, or physical stimulation. It DOES NOT seem as though people marry because of romance. NO DOUBT, financial necessities is important to consider, but it will only go so far.

 

Deep down inside, we all want to feel a deeper bond, a deeper connection with that one special person. When we get into passionless romances, and marry for the wrong reasons, those marriages end up falling apart anyway. I wish we can all be more true to ourselves, and be more wise, and marry peope for all fo the 'right' reasons.

 

I can only say this from experience. One, having had a relationship filled with too much passion, too much to the point where we fought a lot. But all of that passion was there. Unhealthy, thereforeeee, not a good relationship to keep. Another relationship where my ex was financially stable. In fact, I think most girls my age would've married him because of money. He was a doctor, and I could care less. It would've been a good arrangement, however, the passion wasn't there. I'm glad I got out.

 

We have to truly evaluate if the partner who we choose to marry, fills our souls up on a deeper emotional level. That's who you should marry. In the end, when we're all old and gray, our happiness and spiritual connection with that special person is all that matters most!

 

Look at Donald Trump. You think he's truly happy? He's a billionare married to a supermodel. But is he truly happy? To me, his happiness is false happiness. That's the kind of jaded lifestyle that I don't want for myself. Hope this makes sense. Nice Topic!

[al7]

People, you keep saying one thing over and over:

Love, love love...we all know love is important and good.

When it comes to actual dating most people won't go to love stage unless they make sure he is finansially stable or promising in this aspect.

Lets talk real, ok.

[BillyJean714]

When it comes to actual dating most people won't go to love stage unless they make sure he is finansially stable or promising in this aspect.

Not true..at least for me it isn't. If that's the reason, then there's probably another underlying reason behind that. Maybe something else is lacking (i.e. mental chemistry- not being on the same page- bonding on the same level so to speak). I believe that when two people bond and love each other enough, then they would motivate each other to find that financial stability somehow. When we find the right people, we automatically feel motivated. When we find healthy relationships, we are able to carry on the right attitude and a healthy lifestyle, which will then lead us to our own financial successes!

 

[Maybe I am too much of an idealist, but I can't help it! 8)]

[al7]

Sure I agree with you right here:

 

[i am too much of an idealist, but I can't help it! 8)]

 

 

[Luciana]

As for Donald Trump, I don't know why I think I see love between those tow. Surely it's his money that motivated her to seek him, as it's her beauty that motivated him to pursue her. But I think she genuinely loves him, since she keeps herselg out of the limelight, and is fascinated by his personality or intelligence.

As for him, I hear she is also highly intelligent and cultivated; I don't see him marrying a bimbo only now after he made the mistake with 2 ex gold diggers. That's why maybe it took him years to marry Melania, to test her integrity and loyalty. Other women would have gotten impatient. Of course, I am speaking out of no real knowledge.

 

I think women who feel insecure look for money as a main attraction. Women who feel untable in their jobs look for financial security, women who don't believe in their own potential. Marriages exclusively for that backfire, because rich men can also be very selfish and not have time for them. With age you learn to choose a man who fills other requirements besides success. Someone kind after all. Someone you want to snuggle with. There has to be an essential affection. Maybe at 20 women are too fascinated with power, big houses, designer clothes, fancy trips.

 

Over time you come to realize the big house can be very depressing when you are left alone a lot, the BMW or Mercedes gets old, the shopping sprees lose their fascination, the tropical vacations can be hell wihtout a man you genuinely like.

 

My 2 cents.

 

I married for love the first time, we were both in our early 20's and had no money. We built everything together. This second time around I found a man who is successful, but he is also more selfish. I do worry about my old age and know staying with him means financial stability. Financial stability is good, too much money is not.

 

I love him though, but I have to put up with other things that are not so nice, like his lack of sexual desire for me. If we didn't have other things that were good (similar values, political and religious views-we are both unreligious, morals, etc) I surely would have dropped him. But I won't lie that his money is an attraction.

 

Bear in mind that when I met him 6 years ago he was moderately financially well. He then lost a lot of money in his business, lost a law suit and went through rough times. I stayed with him and supported him very much. Now this year he is going to make a lot of money due to wise real estate investments. It's now time for me to reap the benefits of that indirectly (even though it is all his money).

 

I told him I don't like too much money. A lot of money scares me. I see that most rich men are very arrogant and prepotent. They think they can control anyone. I am afraid my fiance changes. I don't care for most of these material things. I like my simple friends. I like having my friends over. I don't need big parties or socialites. I love bargains; I feel wasteful in spending money in designer labels. I don't want a big house; it's just more stuff to clean (not I need 5 acres!). I like fast cars but it doesn't have to be an expensive one. I see many rich people that are very empty and use drugs to numb their pain. I was raised in a middle class environment so that I kind of see rich people as superficial.

 

So I might be one of the few women who is NOT happy that her fiance is coming into money.

[volution]

If you marry someone out of love, then you're marrying them because you WANT to - not becaused you NEED to.

If you marry someone out of money, then it's because you NEED to - you have some kind of NEED. And where there is NEED, there can never be real love.

The whole point of marriage is to sanctify and 'legally recognize' a partnership of LOVE between two people. When marriage is for anything else than love, it almost always fails, and usually quickly.

 

Most people are dysfunctional and co-dependant to some degree.

For example, a lot of people want to marry, for companionship, ie: so they are not alone (fear) - that's OK, but as long as you they don't base their whole reason for marrying someone upon fear of being alone.

Many of us still unconsciously buy into the roles of male as hunter/gatherer (ie: provider of money/food) and female as nurturer/healer (ie: sex and tenderness) to some degree.

[volution]

Depressing ain't it !

 

People, you keep saying one thing over and over:

Love, love love...we all know love is important and good.

When it comes to actual dating most people won't go to love stage unless they make sure he is finansially stable or promising in this aspect.

Lets talk real, ok.

[Rainy]

I believe i have found my soul mate in life , we are deeply in love and one day we do plan to get married, we have talked about marriage, even thought we arent yet engaged, but will be by the end of the year,

 

 

i believe that love is the only power to make a marriage really work and cant wait to be married to rob

[Luciana]

I believe everything we human beings do is for some selfish reason. We all want to avoid pain and suffering.

We decide to have children because we want to perpetuate our lineage. We want to be loved by them, we want someone else to love.

People who dedicated themselves to charity derive satisfaction from it.

I also think we choose someone who can be an asset to our lives in different ways.

What is love?

Longing, the need to be with somone, fear of losing that person, common values and interests, sexual attraction?

[volution]

Your words sound like from a weary and disillusioned heart...

 

What is love?

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Love is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

We humans don't need to want. We want to need...

We are not all selfish, all the time. Though sometimes we must be selfish - we must think of ourselves. If we were totally selfless, thinking ourselves a perfect martyr, then we would give all that we had away, we would have no food, no clothes. And then we could not continue our good work. Sometimes it's selfish, not to be selfish!

The problem is with our world, our society, from the moment we are born, we are brainwashed into believing life is entirely about being selfish - finding OUR job, OUR partner, OUR car, OUR house, making OUR kids, and keeping OURselves tightly knit, and rarely sharing our talents and gifts with one another. We are brought up to believe we are totally separate units, totally disconnected from each other and the universe. Yet, deep down, we all know that we are connected, yet we percieve a lack, a disconnection. And so we try and find connection in love, and intimate relationships.

 

If people didn't derive satisfaction from charitable work ('good work'), then they wouldn't do it! It isn't wrong to enjoy helping others. It isn't wrong to feel good. It isn't selfish. Though the reasons for doing it can sometimes be selfish, or misguided (eg. "If I do this 'good work', then I deserve a reward" etc.).

 

Love isn't something we can lose, it is an energy, a special energy, inside of ourselves. When we love someone, truly, we really are loving ourselves, because they are a mirror of us - and they will reflect back our love. If love is pure, unconditional, then it makes us feel wonderful inside. We love loving!

 

In the end, there is nothing except love. And One.

 

Often, yes, we are guided by the primal instincts of survival to continue on our species. But can we be guilty of being selfish, if we desire to love our children? A mother's love is unconditional. UNCONDITIONAL. She does not expect nor require her child's love in return. That the child of course, mostly, will return her love makes her life even more sweet.

Wanting to *share* love with others is nothing to feel guilty about.

Sometimes, I wonder, if there is a woman out there, who feels the same way I do about children... that two people who love each other, might want to bring a new life into this world, not just to satisfy their carnal impetuses, but to bring more light, more love into the world. To enlighten that child with an education of philosophy and spirituality, so that when they are gone, she can still continue on, to share that light, and that love with others.... I hope so...

 

 

I believe everything we human beings do is for some selfish reason. We all want to avoid pain and suffering.

We decide to have children because we want to perpetuate our lineage. We want to be loved by them, we want someone else to love.

People who dedicated themselves to charity derive satisfaction from it.

I also think we choose someone who can be an asset to our lives in different ways.

What is love?

Longing, the need to be with somone, fear of losing that person, common values and interests, sexual attraction?

[PAdreamer]

Hmm... I'll clarify my stance. I am marrying based on love. BUT, we didn't want to get married until we knew that we were financially stable. As much as we hate to admit it, money is an important part of everyone's life! We all need it to have the kind of life we want. So yes, money is important. but not all important. I don't need to marry a guy who works on Wallstreet to be happy. My fiance works part time for the DMV. Not a great job, but we can survive happily on it.

[al7]

I see people here LOVE to contemplate what LOVE is.

And seems no one ever wanted to think what money are for them... in the sense what would you do with a lot of money?

 

There was a great in my opinion poll: what would do if you win a lottry

(10 mil for example). I noticed most people do not have anything creative in mind: just pay my debts, other debts, buy a car and a house

go for a vacation comprise 99.9% response.

I honestly could not get: what a big Mercedes make you happy?

if yes, why? I just don't get.. not that I don't like good cars, they are fun,

but they would not contirbute to my feeling of happines much.

Or a house. If you are single or even married, why would you need a good, big... meaning expensive? I don't get it: walls that confine me would not make me happy either.

And we all go on a vacation from time to time, don't need a lottery to win.

 

So is not it a bit depressing: most people so much want money (to show where I stand: I want it too) but have so few ideas how to use them (I definitely have more ideas here) and this use seem to me so ineeficient in making them happy...

 

This makes me think people want money not because they do not have food, a car and a place to live, in fact we all do have something, but because we are taught to want MORE and MORE and MORE money..

which in turn leads me to a conclusion that most people want some sort of prestige, to feel good in eyes of other people that money can buy.

[volution]

Well LOVE is the most important thing in the world (to me anyway), and to most people, even if they don't (yet) realise it.

 

It's funny you should mention about winning the lotto. We had a TV programme a few years ago here, showing what happened to various people after they won a lotto jackpot. Most of them, if not all of them, they did the things you said - bought houses, paid off debts, bought cars, went on luxury holidays. Nothing creative or imaginative whatsoever. Some people, they still continued working at their old job! I couldn't believe it! How dull some people's dreams and lives are.

It seems that most people would do what they continue to already do. The money wouldn't change much about their lives. Yes, perhaps for a year or two the ego-thrill of being a millionaire will give them a false sense of fulfilment and importance and status, but it will wear off. Often we hear about people alienating their friends and family, because they somehow think the money makes them 'better'.

Money doesn't make anyone 'better'. Only what someone does with it.

I wonder how many people would choose to use their money in an altruistic way - ie: donate some to charity, set up a charitable foundation, sponsor someone/something etc??? I think very few, as so many consumed with their own petty lives...

 

Money has replaced love as our world's impetus.

Just read some of the old literature from say 1800s, 1700s, 1600s - tales of people in the pursuit of LOVE abound, not MONEY.

 

So many people think, "If only we win the lottery, then everything will be fine". What if you're dying from some disease, and there's no cure? What if you're hopelessly shy and confidenceless?

Money won't help you any amount at all - in fact it might even make you feel worse!

 

It is so sad, that so many people believe that physical/material things will bring them a fulfilled and complete life.

What's the difference between a £10,000 Ford car and a £100,000 Lamborghini? Yes, perhaps one will go a bit faster, and has more pleasing asthetics... But they still do the same job. They both just have wheels that go round on a road to get you to some place.

 

I'd rather be starving and in love than lonely and even have £1....

Money can be lost, your heart cannot...