Help me figure out what is wrong!

[shellie12345]

I have been out of a long-term relationship for over a year now and I know that I am more than ready to start dating other people. In fact I am anxious to see what else is out there! However, I go to school in a somewhat small town where the male to female ratio is very much in favor of the males! I can't seem to meet anyone at all. It almost seems like I start to convince myself that I like certain guys just because of the lack of options. However, there are so many people around me who seem to find dates no problem. I feel like I don't stand out among the large mass of women and I am doing something wrong. Is there any advice out there for a young woman who is feeling a little hopeless??

[Prosper]

Yes. The moment you had typed this post and post it, you had caught most of our attention. (You can take a look at the number of views in the mid-section of the forum main page)

 

And you had chosen to step out LOUD.

 

If there is something you dont like about yourself, why keep doing the same thing??

One person full of self-love and self-esteem is most beautiful woman in the world.

[cleverme123]

One of the best thigns you can do for yourself is know who you are, what you want and don't be afraid to get it. The most confident people are the ones living comfortably with themself. Don't settle for anything less than what you want, or you will find yourself in a long life of misery, and you will always settle. Hopefully you will find what you want.

[shellie12345]

I guess I should have explained more in my initial posting....sorry if it seemed confusing!

The thing is, I don't think I am doing anything wrong. That is my problem, I think there MUST be something wrong here that i am just not seeing. That is where I need the help.

When I do meet guys they tell me that i am the type of girl guys want to date seriously, and then they proceed to tell me that they are not ready for that. i have no idea what I do that makes them think that. I am just not like other girls here I guess, I don't go home with randoms, I don't throw myself at men. I look for substance, and i never find it!

Men tell me I am a beautiful girl but then don't ask me out....all these things added up makes me feel like I am the total opposite of what they say. If I were a quality, good-looking person, why would they not want to see what I am about?

[Prosper]

Have you ever think that they are too inferior of themselves to date you out? Hahaha.

 

They are most likely to look for high intimacy and low commitment relationships. Thats all.

[annie24]

Well... gosh.... you sound like me I know exactly how you feel. In the February Issue of Oprah magazine, they have an article on just that. It says, don't let the question that haunts you be, "What is wrong with me? Why am I still single?" Instead, you should be saying, "How can I make the most out of whatever stage of life I am in?" The article goes on to say that if you can learn how to truly enjoy being with your own company, and taking full-advantage of your single-hood, only then are you ready to be part of a couple.

 

It was a very interesting article. It definitely 'reframed' the way i look at things now. I mean, it's true - I think people who are single and looking sometimes put out a "needy" vibe that can be a turn-off. This is why we say, just go out with your friends, take up some hobbies, do stuff. Mr. Right will appear when you are least looking for him. At least I hope so! Good luck!

[usied]

yea i totally feel what you are saying...just have to think that you are a good deal ..and they are the ones missing out ..

[LaSirena]

You could be writing about me! Maybe it helps to know you're not the only one bailing a leaky boat, girl.

 

I've been out of a relationship about 9 months and am dreading dating. Because before I met my last ex, I had had 18 months of the same dreary routine you're describing: meeting men who tell me I'm beautiful, and just what they've always wanted, and then disappear on me, abruptly and without explanation.

 

Some of these men go on to have relationships with women who are physically abusive, mentally unstable, or have a specific agenda to defraud them financially or materially in some way! One man ended up marrying a woman who actually married him to get her green card. You tell me what we're doing wrong! And yes, they always turn up later on to tell me of their woes. Go figure.

 

The only conclusion I've been able to come to in my situation is that I don't provide enough drama or misery to satisfy most men. I suppose that being mentally stable and pleasant to be around is too boring.

[shellie12345]

hey everyone, thanks for all the replies!

 

I just thought I would ask a few more things. I know that this sort of thing happens to girls all the time. A guy tells you that you are dating material and then still wants nothing!

It happens and when it does I can't help but feel like it is a cop out. I mean, yes they are being honest by telling me they are not ready for a relationship. But if you like someone that much then would'nt you want to hang out with them more and just see what they are about? Is that too scary of a thing??

I just don't understand the logic behind it all. You see a girl who is girlfriend material, yet you run away in the other direction! If I could meet someone who I saw in that light there is no way I would let them slip away. Am I living in a fantasy world? Or is there a guy out there who will see me that way and actually appreciate it enough to stick around??

I guess you can all tell that I am really frustrated!

[al7]

Men tell me I am a beautiful girl but then don't ask me out....

 

I guess you may take initiative: you may ask men out.

So you will have more ooportunities to get to know each other!

You don't have to just sit and wait until a guy ask you out...

How about that?

 

FOr all women: I think you may simple ask men out. Why not?!

[al7]

A guy tells you that you are dating material and then still wants nothing!

 

I have an answer for you:

 

Imagine a reverse situation: you are a guy and you are told by a girl "Yeah.. you are a cool guy, I am sure women'd love to date you,

you are dating material!" and then the girl just disappear and doent not respond to you phone messages.

As a guy, what would you think? That she is simply not...

 

So if you reverse the roles, the answer wouldn't be much different.

[annie24]

I guess these guys are saying, in general, that she is dating material - but not for them, specifically.

 

You can't dwell on it too much. I'm sure that you're a really cool girl - once you meet your right match, things will work out better! Good luck!

[shellie12345]

The only times I have dated guys since my ex were times when I took the initiative and showed interest.

There were a couple times when I knew the guy liked me back but was being too shy, and there were times when I just put myself out there. There were times when it just did not click and the dating stopped. But there were more times when the guy would actually tell me that I am everything he would want in a girfriend but that he was not ready for me. That he could not give me what I deserved. Now this is what I am talking about....cop ouit or not??

If I am everything he wants why is he so scared of me? I am not an intimidating person, I am very friendly and honest. I don't get it! I just don't think there is anything more that I can do here but wait around for a guy to find me. everytime I seek someone out it blows up in my face.

[annie24]

Ok - well... have you asked your friends/coworkers/neighbors to set you up? Tell them you are single and looking, and if they find someone they think would be a good match, then send them your way!

 

Otherwise.... it simply may not be "your time." The universe may have other plans for you right now. I say, go out, have fun, just focus on what you have, enjoy life, the right man will come along when it is time. good luck!

[shellie12345]

I agree with you when you say it might not be my time. I am still young and have a lot of learning to do. I am not miserable being single, I enjoy hanging out with friends and just doing my own thing. It can just be lonely from time to time. I am sure we have all felt that way. I just wish I could have someone to share things with and hang out with. I am just frustrated thats all. I know things will work out, I just wish there was more that I could do. I guess patience is what i should be working on!

[annie24]

Yeah - I know exactly how you feel. I'm in that situation too. I'm pretty happy with being single, but sometimes, I'll hear about some play or concert that sounds like fun, I think that it would be nice to share that with a bf. Or, on really cold nights, it would be nice to have a hunky guy to keep me warm But, yeah....

 

I guess - I'm just doing "my thing" right now. It's not too hard to find *someone* to date. However, it's so much harder to find someone who is really right for you. Someone on here, I don't remember who, has as their quote, "Don't marry the person you can live with - Marry the person you can't live without!" I guess when the timing is right, I'll meet someone who's right for me.

 

Good luck!!!