Please Read, need some advice quickly

[Honey27]

Hi all, my story is somewhat complicatred, my mind is going a 100 miles a minute, somebody please help. Me and my newly ex-fiance, broke up wednesday evening. We just both got so frustrated and he left. We both kept a lot in. He came by Thursday evening, we made up, it was so great. We both left for work Friday morning, I teach and he is a bus driver, we work for the same school. Friday after work, I had to get a ride home because he wasnt there, the tv, and our bed was gone. He left me. I later found out why, I have been getting child support for my son from his father, and I was there to get the money from him late Thursday night, because I knew if i didnt get it then, then he would likely have it spend Friday on booze. As I was pulling out of the driveway, his gf or ex gf, I'm not sure pulled in and saw me leaving. No one knew I was getting money from this guy, it was really embarrasing for me to say that yea, even though he never wanted anything to do with his son, I'm still getting money from him. Well, she said that she caught us together! I have never cheated on my fiance, things were not always great with us, but it was not enough for me to do that to him. I care about him too much. Well, I sent him emails begging him to believe me, pouring my heart out to him, and I did not hear from him one bit, and he turned his phone off, so I couldnt get through. And I could go see him because he has the car. Anyway, I cried my eyes out that whole Friday and decided to go out Saturday night. As I was coming home, I saw him, at a coffee place, he didnt see me. WHen I did get home, I went on the computer, just as I was going to get off, he came on my msn. I asked him if he could come over so we could talk, and he did. When he came, he held me, and cried. I asked him why he was crying, and he said that he was sorry he hurt me. And he did, he was not always very good to me. I asked him if we could work this out, he said no. I further told him that we had to much to give up on, he said that he would have to think about it. We have not spoken this much in the almost 2 years that we have been togehter. Right now, he is dealing with a child support issue, and he has court wednesday. He said that that was driving him crazy. We also talked about our fertility issues, he told me Thursday that he wanted a baby, we were not sure if I could have anymore, but I knew that it could be him also, but I wanted to make sure it was or wasnt me first. So I told him that he would have to go for a specimen test, and I gave him the papers which my doctor gave me to give him in January. He also told me Thursday, that if I could not have any more kids, he would have to think long and hard about being wiht me, and that hurt to hear. But, it could be him and not me. We ended up being intimate that early morning he came over. We talked some more, and he said that he would e-mail me wednesday to let me know how court went, he also said that he would think about being together. He said that he is scared of hurting me again. He told me that he loves me, and that he loves me because I am a beautiful person, not look's, but that I am such a good person. That was one of the nicest things he ever said to me. This is going to drive me crazy, I want to be with him, I want him to come back home. I want hope for us. What does this mean? I tried so hard with the no contact thing, but I called him today, he didnt answer, and when i called back he turned his phone off. And to top it all off, I see him everyday at work. I miss him so much, we have been together for some time now, how am I going to get through this, will he come back to me? How can I improve the odds that he will.

[DragonGirl724]

wow! i cant believe he packed up & shipped out. he probably has a lot on his plate right now dealing with this curt issue w/ child support & stuff...understandable. but his actions are uncalled for! what does he feel so bad about? hurting you how?? do you think he has other issues hes dealing with? guilt issues? maybe he screwed up somewhere along the lines where you dont know of?? there is some definite trust issues here...he needs to believe you were only at your baby fathers house for the $$$. if he doesnt trust you, then whatever you 2 have already is over....

 

as for the having a baby thing, if he truly loves you & wants to be your husband one day adoption or becoming a foster parent is an excellent option. or you can take one of your eggs & his sperm & have a carrier to 'house' the fertilized egg until birth.

 

the key here is communication, if he continues to shut you out w/o explanation or anything id speak up & express how this is making you feel & explain that you will not tolerate this any longer. you did nothing wrong you dont deserve this kind of treatment! is he tryin to pull the old "i love you but im not 'in love' with you line?"...

 

i feel for you girl. keep posting.

 

-DG724

[Honey27]

In some ways yes, he seemed to be saying that he loved me, but wasnt in love with me, although those were not his exact words. I spoke to him today and told him that we have to talk, and he said that he would be over later. Whether or not he will come i dont know. But, one thing is for sure. We need to talk. There is so much to get out in the open. If we want this to work, we have to start somewhere, and even, although I dont want it to happen, he decides that he cant be with me, then we still have a lot of issues to discuss. I need some form of closure from him, we havent even spoke of the breakup. I dont know how I am going to get through this. I went to work today and broke down, I have even taken the rest of the week offf, I cant function. I cant eat, i cant sleep, i dont want to be around anyone. I feel so hopeless. I love him, and i know the saying of if you let it go, and if it comes back then it was meant to be. But i want him in my life, i miss him, i need him. How do i make him see this.

[DragonGirl724]

ive been where youve been. when my last ex broke up w/ me i was completely devestated, non functioning, i lost 10lbs, got sick, you name it. but oddly enough i gto 4.0 GPA that semester. lol i guess i took out all my emotion & directed it infto my art. youll be ok in time take my word on it. im here if u wanna chat. hope tonight goes well.

 

-DG724

[Honey27]

Hi, yes he did come over last night, and we had a good talk. I could understand why he was angry with me for not telling him about getting the money from my son's father, so, the good thing is that he believes me. We had a long talk about a lot of things. He told me things that I never knew, like how he was jealous over me, not that he ever showed it, but that he was. He talked about things that hurt him. What hurt us. We talked about how much we both wanted a child. Honestly, it was the most open conversation we have ever had with each other, and he even said so himself. I felt so much better today, I was able to function. He still has a lot on his mind though, like the court he has to go to tomorrow. Also, I am worried that we could work this out, but we live in a small community, every body doesent mind anyone's business. I hate it. I wanted to ask him to go away with me this weekend, but dont want to force myself on him. He looked so sad when he came over last night, I wish I could have done something to make his pain and problems easier. I asked him if there was any hope for us, and he said yes. But I dont want to get my hopes up. I want to be prepared to let him go if I have to, although I dont want to, but I will, if I have to. I also told him that I was here for him if he needed someone to talk to. I will keep you updated, thanks for listening!

[DragonGirl724]

thats good you 2 are being open, honest & communicating again. best of luck with everything, either way it pans out.

 

-DG724