true love lost...waiting to be contacted again

[polynated]

Hello. Just registered upon finding this, what looks like - a helpful website.

 

I was wondering if anyone could possibly give me some advice about my ex-boyfriend. I met him at a party here in NZ, while he was visiting a friend. My ex is from Australia so was here on holiday. The way we met was just magical...When he got back to Australia we started emaling and chatting on MSN and well, somehow we got very close. We did this whole long-distance thing for over a year. Then I saved up some money and went to visit him. That was the best week of my life so far, looking back. He was my first real sexual experience as well.

 

However, our relationship got muddled up somehow when I arrived back in NZ...I was quite insecure with him at times, not knowing where our relationship was going because we both live in different countries. Maybe I wanted things to progress faster. I'm not sure how things went wrong to be honest - possibly due to my emotional immaturity. I remember he said to me on the phone: "My parents liked you. My mother said though that we are too alike, thus incompatible."

 

Anyway, we broke up for a while...then got back together...then we started fighting again and he said "it's over...I can't stand you playing around with me anymore". That was a shock...so I bought tickets to Australia and flew over there the day after he said that to me in his email.

 

When I came there, I stayed with his friend. Things were low-key...I followed him around university, then went over to his place for one night...but I felt confused - "what was I doing there? does he care about me? maybe I did a wrong thing by coming?" Anyway, my mother called - I left my parents a note saying that I left to Australia and not to worry about me. She was very anxious, being an overprotective parent that she is. So she changed my flight to an earlier one. My boyfriend then arrived at his friend's place where I was staying and I said that I'm leaving. He was all confused saying: "first you like me, then you don't, etc." But I said "My mother needs me" but really what I wanted to say was that I felt unneeded and didn't know what I was doing in that country anymore - he was busy with university and I felt out of place, not knowning what our relationship was. I was in another room then, crying while he was in another room, playing computer games. I then called up a taxi and left to the airport, where I spent all night waiting for my flight.

 

 

When I came back, he emailed me after a week saying I should explain my behavior. I told him that I felt he wasn't treating me right. He then told me to basically "get lost".

 

My parents don't like him now. But I? I miss him. I know that I did some things wrong... I did play a few emotional games with him, but that was because the distance made me feel anxious about us being together as I did truly love him and he loved me.

 

After a few months he contacted me via LiveJournal where he left 2 anonymous comments...but that was it.

 

 

It's been a while now without him and I do miss him. I tried liking other guys, but I alway go back to thinking about him. It was quite a big thing for me to fly over to another country and meet him and we were quite happy together - emailing and writing. It was only after I came back to NZ that things started to go somehow wrong.

 

I'm not sure what to do really. I was thinking of remaining alone for the rest of my life with just the memory of him, but I know it's crazy...I'm just only attracted to him and when I think about spending my whole life with someone, I think of him.

 

I really thought we were soulmates and there were lots of things that were quite "magical" about our relationship.

 

I'm not sure if I should wait for him to contact me, (I still believe he will)...I am too scared to contact him, because I fear rejection - at least this way I can still believe he misses me too...but it's a bit of a daydream.

 

I'm somehow lost. Not sure what to do anymore.

[HeavenLee]

Hello, I'm sorry to hear of your heartbreak.

 

Unfortunately, life is not a fairytale, nor is it always fair. I'm sure you both made mistakes. Perhaps you just met at the wrong times in your lives. But if it was meant to be, then it would have worked. Your first real love always has a "magical" aspect, but you shouldn't let that stop you from moving on.

 

Playing games is always a bad sign in a relationship. If you can't trust each other enough to be honest and upfront about how you feel, then it was doomed from the beginning. It was really no one's fault, just one of those things.

 

If you really feel the need, perhaps write him and explain exactly why you were there... although I find it hard to believe that he wouldn't be able to figure it out since you dropped everything to fly to a different country. Did he think you were just sight seeing? But if it will make you feel better and give you some closure... do it. Just do not expect a response or a change of heart. If it comes, then lovely, but don't wait for it. Let it go, take some important lessons away, and get back out there. The magic will happen again when you meet the right one... believe me.

 

I am from Australia by the way!!! Yes, some of the guys here can be immature jerks, but they are not all that way fortunately!!!

 

Good luck to you!!!

[Mun]

Don't contact him.

I think what might have happened was that you went to Australia to try and get the relationship more stable. I think the fact you went out of your way, the trip, and gave so much to the relationship that way made you "expect" more from him. Had you stayed where you were, the relationship would have progressed at the pace it was and you would not have felt the need to push it. Water under the bridge now... but now you know for next time .

 

You have both hurt each other too much now. I don't know if he will contact you, but at this point the only thing you can do is to try and move on. Heal yourself from this break up and keep going. Try not to close your world. There are still great guys out there.

[polynated]

Thank you a lot for your advice! Very appreciated to hear - as I can't talk to my friends anymore, they've heard me so many times about this (ex)-relationship.

 

 

 

I am from Australia by the way!!! Yes, some of the guys here can be immature jerks, but they are not all that way fortunately!!!

 

Good luck to you!!!

 

hehe which part of Australia are you from? My story took place in Melbourne. I look at pictures sometimes of that place and god, my insides just start splitting apart...such an amazing city, but the memory of him is how I remember that place.

[polynated]

Thank you so much for your words!

 

Don't contact him.

I think what might have happened was that you went to Australia to try and get the relationship more stable. I think the fact you went out of your way, the trip, and gave so much to the relationship that way made you "expect" more from him. Had you stayed where you were, the relationship would have progressed at the pace it was and you would not have felt the need to push it.

 

 

That is exactly that. You sound really wise.

I did always feel that it was I who was pulling the relationship along to make it more "real" so to speak - the emails, phone calls and words of expression was lovely - but it was I who saved money for the ticket...I kept on thinking about how we were going to find a flat together in Australia and live together. I guess I moved too fast.

 

When I came back he actually wrote me an email saying he was coming down to NZ to live for a month and work, I'm not sure why but I freaked out about that - because I knew we were going to sleep with each other (we had very BIG chemistry) however he was planning to stay at my house and my parents are very conservative and never really took him that seriously. (plus our house is small and I sleep on a single bed).

 

I'll take your advice I think - contacting him like that would only make me feel like I'm taking the strong lead, and I don't want that. So I'll just wait.

 

Take care, also!