relationship problems

[lost in my own world]

i have a hug depressing problem that i need help with. i have this friend and we started dating about 2 weeks ago and everything was fine we were with each other all the time and we loved being with eachother. she had never been in a lesbian relationship before and I was her first crush that she had on another girl. I did everything i could to make her happy i wrote her letters telling her how much she meant to me and she loved all the things i did and she was very appreciative. but the only problem is that she is a christian, and she told me that she didnt want to go against her religon and disobey god. so she broke up with me, and we are still friends. she felt very sad though cause she said that she really wanted to be with me but she was scared because of her religon. i was very sad i cant stop crying about it and getting into a depression, but it still seems that she wants to be with me. we were talking in her bedroom and i told her that i thought i was over her when we were talking at school, but then when i went home i was sad again. she said she feels the same way, we cant be away from eachother without being sad we have to be together to be happy. and when i was about togo home she said "dont leave please stay with me, spend the night i dont want you to leave me i will miss you if you leave". so i ended up spending the night and she did get a little touchy but then she said "i'm sorry i dont want tohurt you again". and i told her she wasnt, then we just sat up and watched movies. then she asked me why we feel this way, so much attachment to eachother. she told me that she likes to be with me more than anyone else and that she cant live without me. and i feel the same way. i think i love her and i think she loves me but she doesnt want to admit it because of her religon. do you think we are in love? and what should i do about this situation?

[DN]

I think you are in grave danger of being very hurt by a person who is either conflicted about her sexuality being against her religion, or is using her religion as an excuse to cover a conflict she has about her sexuality.

 

In either case, this can only mean heartbreak for you unless she can resolve those issues. Unless and until she can, I think you should not get emotionally involved with her.

[Cadence308]

I agree with DN, although it sounds like you are already emotionally involved with this girl. I think you mentioned in another post that you two were friends before lovers.

 

Have you thought about no contact with her for a while? You two are only 15 and most are just figuring things out at that age. Love and life are complicated and I don't think that you should try to rush things with her or relationships, in general. If you can stand it, maybe you can just agree to be good friends and keep things simple and avoid being physical with each other.

 

It is very normal to be depressed after a break-up with someone that you have an infatuation with. Maybe you are in love, but that usually comes after infatuation.

[Starlight1983]

Like your friend i am also christian and i was having that same problem when i met my first gf at the time. I was worried that if i went with her then god would punish me and not love me. So i got the courrange and i went to see our priest. He is very nice and open to everyone. He told me even if the christian religion does not believe in same sex love and all that that god forgives everyone and loves everyone no matter who you are. you could be murderer and god would still love you. You can tell your friend that. I still see that priest once in a while and even if he would not performe a same sex marriage he ask me how my gf is. No matter ur sexual prefrences god still loves you. its like come on why would he deny her when he accepted the devil to sit with him.

[kere]

WOW.....the best advise I can give is....follow your heart!!!!! You guys are young but there is no age limit on love. What I would do is maybe give her some time to think everything out. It cannot be easy but she has to figure out what she wants and how she is gonna handle her feelings towards you.

 

I will tell you that attraction to the same sex is not something that you can just forget about and be straight!!!! I have tried that for yrs and it didn't work....I was sad all the time, I felt like apart of me was missing, I just felt stuck into what society believes to be true or my religion believes to be true but what about my feelings and my believes????????.............ask your friend that.

 

good luck....hope it all works out for the best

[ratel]

Give yourselves time...don't force the issue right now. If she loves being around you, spending time with you, "can't live without you" etc. why not keep enjoying her company?

 

Be content to be friends with each other-- get the good out of whatever kind of relationship you do have. If she ever gets past the religion-- great. If not, at least you still have a real friend. Just be aware it might not be everything you want and be prepared to let new people into your life. At least the two of you have a real emotional connection. Which to my mind is far more important than actually "doing it".