Should I text him?

[Jlm1602]

So I've known this guy for 18 years, we met when I was almost 16. Through out the years we've lost contact a couple times but we always find each other again. This last time we lost contact was long, almost 10 years. I found him on Facebook a month ago exactly. Throughout the years we both got in our own respective relationships, had a couple kids, and went through break ups...Anyway...when I first requested him on fb he messaged me and was like blown away that it was me. He was so excited and anxious to see me. He said he always wondered about me and had some great memories of me.

So I saw him that day, we talked and caught up a little. He kissed me which was nice but I was a little uncomfortable because I hadn't kissed anyone since my break up 7 months ago. His ex and him oddly split up around the same time.

He acts like time never lapsed between us, like things can pick up and be the same. He was my number one back then for a long time but we were young and idk why but he wouldn't commit back then. Well I actually never told him I wanted to be serious with him, I was too timid and afraid of rejection... I've seen him only twice in the last month. He is a Captain of one of our local fire departments so he's always busy with work plus he goes to school, and he has 3 kids. I understand he's busy. His birthday was a couple weeks ago and he was adamant that I write him a birthday message on his fb wall. He said I'm special to him and I have a special place in his heart... Blah blah blah. I know he is not big on texting and he knows I'm not big on talking on the phone. He always answers my texts and I always answer his calls. I feel like I have to text him to make contact. Last time I talked to him was 6 days ago, he told me he was stressed out because of his ex and her monetary demands for their kids. I gave a listening ear... At the end of our convo he asked when he could see me again and I told him whenever he was free because I know he is super busy, he said early the next week. The next days we texted a little before bed and I haven't heard from him since but he's been on Facebook. It's been 5 days. I wanna text him but why should I? I feel like if he wants to talk to me he will reach out. Am I right?

[aCuore]

Well, he clearly cares about you, it seems! The fact that you're both willing to text/call as a compromise with one another is promising, and it people do change as time goes on. His mind has likely changed in regards to the commitment issue, and moreover, he seems to have quite a bit going on.

 

I can understand how you feel. It's that "if I'm so important to him, how hard is a text?" mindset. When I was working both of my jobs, I rushed from one shift to another, and I wasn't allowed my phone during those periods of time (basically all day). My partner at the time also had a busy schedule. On one hand, I'd like to say "If it matters, you make time" which is certainly true.

 

On the other hand, I do sympathize with him. He has children, clearly some drama with an ex, involved with the fire department (which certainly isn't easy), and he's also involved with school, which means classes, homework and studying. I'd say it isn't a stretch to assume he's more likely busy than not interested. If he's going through a particularly rougher time, he might find himself more stressed out than usual.

 

Personally, I feel like the best option is to be supportive despite this busy schedule. The more you demonstrate patience with someone, the more likely they'll make time for you. My former partner and I never went to bed without a conversation. He showed no resentment and always understood when I wanted to turn in early. Later on, however, when I became involved with someone else, they didn't like my schedule and tried my patience with their lack of understanding. It wasn't that he wasn't important to me, it's that I was exhausted.

 

However, if this entire situation leaves you feeling lonely or unwanted, you don't have to stay, either. Your happiness is important, and if he doesn't fit in with your wants and needs, it's okay to disengage and find something else.

[crowleysgirl]

I wanna text him but why should I?

 

Because you WANT to? Don't play silly games. If you want to talk to him, talk to him. You're both grown adults, and he has three kids, so its entirely possible he's been busy. Have you actually set up a time to meet next week? If not, then do that. Although, depending on how long you were in your last relationship, you might wanna take some time to just be single and work on yourself before trying to jump in a new relationship.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like a great connection, but that he wants to pace it a bit slower than you. Perhaps he is concerned about bilateral rebounding? Creeping his fb and wondering why he's not texting isn't a good sign. It would be better to just text him and set up another date.

I haven't heard from him since but he's been on Facebook.

[Gartig]

It sounds a small thing considering you both seem to be connecting together. Don't let such a small thing affect. If it is really bothering, you can bring it up casually next time you meet him.