Johnny Anony Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 I split from my spouse now around 2 months ago. I have been living in our family home since the beginning of April. My ex was the one who left me. I wanted to work things out for my son, 6, and two step kids 12,and 15. My ex wanted to stay in the home and work something out with child support where she would pay be a certain amount for the house, I would cover some of the mortgage. Rather than pay child support. I felt this was not going to work out both financially, and I just didn't feel right moving out of our family home where I didn't want to leave in the first place so she would become my tenant. I just decided that I would put the house up for sale and start over. My ex is now in a small apartment with our three kids. I am slowly in the process of preparing minor renovations, only I now am starting a job where I will work on a remote location for 21 days, and home for 7. I am planning to sell but this is going to take longer now. I have an incredible feeling of guilt though. I just want to take care of everyone, including my ex. That was how I showed my love by providing. I realize that the relationship was toxic, codependent, and UN healthy for the children but part of me would get back together with her in a heartbeat to make sure the family was safe, and happy. I realize that's just a fantasy to appease the guilt I have. Now I am faced with the reality that our family home which is so perfect, playground in front across the street from the house, large front and back yard, schools 2 blocks away in a great community is going to sit empty while I'm away. My kids are in a small apartment. My six year old asked me to write a letter to his mom saying I'm sorry so his parents can get back together. I'm crushed. I'm not sure I did the right thing by having her move out because she wanted to leave me. I'm feeling perhaps I made this about me and forced my family into a situation where their lives are less than. Though they aren't around the fighting, and kids bounce back. I just miss my family so much, this is such a healing process. My ex doesn't ask for much for child support even. But when she found out I was going out of town couldn't take the kids on my agreed weekends she was very upset. She mentioned her life has been awful since she moved out. She isn't doing well. I can't do anything about this because I was left with such debt that I will be forced I to bankruptcy, and foreclosure before I can even sell the house if I don't work this job. I built my career around my family to support them with the understanding that my ex stay at home with the kids while I make big money to provide a great life (that doesn't work for families you have to be there) so now all I can offer is more child support money. I'm lucky so far because she could have taken me to the cleaners, but just because she hasn't asked for spousal support doesn't mean I shouldn't offer it to her until she gets on her feet more, currently she's only asking for $400. What does everyone think, do you agree that I should just give her more money, or am I just feeling guilty. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Would you consider letting your Ex move back into the house seeing as you are away for so long? Link to comment
Johnny Anony Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 Would you consider letting your Ex move back into the house seeing as you are away for so long? I think she is locked into a lease now, I just don't feel it would work because I want to distance myself from her, I need to get over her and do LC, she says the kids are ok in the new apartment but she also said today she has had such a bad month she is considering moving out of province when a year is up and leaving my six year old with me. I don't k of what to do. This is such a sad time Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 As you will be away for 3 weeks at a time, how does she expect you to raise your Son? Is she saying this as she wants you to ask her to come back? Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Your other posts talk about her having another guy around already. Supposedly "nothing happened" but she's already had him around the kids. She made her choice to leave to explore other possibilities with dating and other men. Sooooo....concentrate on your kids, you were never married and the 2 older ones aren't yours biologically, not sure how they see you, as dad or? I wouldn't put any mental effort into your ex anymore, keep it about the kids only and let her twist in the wind with her decision, DO NOT be her shoulder to cry on. She's a big girl, she made her bed. I made the mistake of listening to my ex wife carry on how "hard this is" blah blah while later finding out she had been banging a family friend.. as time goes on you detach and get to where they are ...emotionally finished. She is done, it's over, she refused counseling and didn't want to try and fix it. Don't feel guilty. Link to comment
Johnny Anony Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 As you will be away for 3 weeks at a time, how does she expect you to raise your Son? Is she saying this as she wants you to ask her to come back? No, she doesn't want me to ask her to come back, if she wanted to come she has had 2 months now after she left me to verbalize why I should take her back. She basically left me so she could pursue sexual encounters with men she had been talking to on Facebook 6 months before she left. I would have been open to getting back together a month ago but she had let the door close now by not saying anything. Link to comment
Johnny Anony Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 Your other posts talk about her having another guy around already. Supposedly "nothing happened" but she's already had him around the kids. She made her choice to leave to explore other possibilities with dating and other men. Sooooo....concentrate on your kids, you were never married and the 2 older ones aren't yours biologically, not sure how they see you, as dad or? I wouldn't put any mental effort into your ex anymore, keep it about the kids only and let her twist in the wind with her decision, DO NOT be her shoulder to cry on. She's a big girl, she made her bed. I made the mistake of listening to my ex wife carry on how "hard this is" blah blah while later finding out she had been banging a family friend.. as time goes on you detach and get to where they are ...emotionally finished. She is done, it's over, she refused counseling and didn't want to try and fix it. Don't feel guilty. Thank you, I appreciate your input, I'm going to continue down the same course I have been on and that is to get over her and move forward. Link to comment
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