Girls? What should I do? Reconnect?

[Giantxander]

Me and my exgirlfriend of 3 years broke up around 6 weeks ago. I haven't contacted her in over 30 days. Before this the relationship was really good, we were happy together, spent almost everyday together, went to uni together. I suppose you could say that we did too much together, but that's the way she liked it and it was just how it happened. Her family loved me and were planned on getting married and having kids ect. Everything was fine at Christmas, we had just been on holiday. She had booked to go away for a few nights later on in the year for my Christmas present. Then we had been looking at moving out, we had set up savings accounts ect. Then her parents got involved and swayed her out of it, over the last two weeks I had a lot on. My parents are divorcing, the family home was like a battlefield, I had a lot on at university and work. So I hadn't had a moments rest within those two weeks so as you can imagine I was coming home and being really tired. Over those weeks I only saw her 3-4 times a week instead of all week. She also had this thing against the dog which was supposed to be coming with us. SO those last two weeks she wasn't happy that I hadn't seen her and I didn't really listen when I could hear her parents advice coming from her mouth about moving out and the dog. She broke it off and said that she wasn't happy. Quickly happened within those two weeks. After that I went round asked her if I could change her mind, said that I could change all of that ect and obviously got rejected. She is very prone to becoming stressed and having panic attacks and she had a lot on with getting and training a new horse, deciding what she wants to do post university, doing an interview and meeting her deadlines, so I all came at a bad time. Since then I ahvent contacted her. I know that her sisters and friends said what she did was wrong and she was stupid to do what she did because we were a good couple. Since then, to be fair, I have decided that I don't think that we were ready to move out and that it wouldn't have been a good time to take the dog with us either. I also have cut down my work load as I wasn't being able to spend aas much time with her as I should of done. I have also just got a new job as well with a bank so I finally have a career instead of a job. She doesn't know any of this. I have seen a lot of advice online saying make the first text or contact if she is stubborn which she is. Or just leave her be and she will come to you. But if she doesn't know this information then her opion of me is going to be the last of what she saw. Should I get this information to her indirectly? Like thorugh a mutual friend, but obioulst not stating that I said to tell her this? Or should I just make general conversation with her. She hasn't deleted me from social media and her Mother keeps liking and commenting on my mums posts. What should I do?

[Man with Dog]

It sounds like you've fixed most of the issues on your side. Having said that, will she "fly" every time you have a lot on your plate?

 

Not sure why her parents seem to be back-tracking when they originally liked you. Maybe they think (and I cannot judge without meeting her) that she is not at the right stage of life or maturity yet. I've been guilty of trying to force relationships to the same level too quickly.

 

I would contact her (directly!) and see if she will meet to discuss getting back together. If she's agreeable, I would suggest that you postpone any thoughts of moving out and give each other enough space to sort out what you need to do with work, study, dog, horse, etc.

 

I'm married and see my family every day but some evenings I still need to work and we have minimal contact or conversation.

 

If she doesn't want to get back together, it's not the end of the world, even though it may feel like it is for a while.

[Giantxander]

Thanks for that! Your name seems ironic regarding my situation ! Has this happened to you before ?

[Man with Dog]

Thanks for that! Your name seems ironic regarding my situation ! Has this happened to you before ?

 

I haven't. All of my splits have been for good, with no attempt at reconciliation. Why I think it is worth another try, in your case, is that some of the issues that caused the split have been resolved. If they hadn't, I would be advising you to start the recovery process.

 

In general, I don't recommend trying to get back together with someone but your case is an exception. However, there are no guarantees, except that you will not be spending the rest of our life wishing you'd tried.

[kbbcoop77]

All you can do is ask, but be prepared for her saying no. Don't let it crush all the improvements you've made, you have had to make those improvements for yourself, not for someone else who dumped you as a ploy to win them back. That scenario seldom works and if it does reconciliation is short lived. It's hard to change someone else's mind if they've already been with you and chose to leave. Chin up, there's millions of girls out there though, that's the good news! Sometimes starting over with someone new is much better.

[Giantxander]

Any past stories of this? Positive or negative ones ?!?

The no contact period has ended technically so I'm ready to make a move