He can't climax

[Anonymous2723]

I have been with a guy for a while now. We are very compatible, we have a great time together. We are very sexual compatible and both have high sex drives. He tells me all the time how attracted he is to me, and is obsessed with my body. He tells me how beautiful I am. I feel the same way about him and tell him all the time how sexy I think he is and he really is, all I have to do is look at him and I get hot. We are also very emotionally compatible. We are in our late twenties early thirties, both healthy and no known issues. The problem is that he can be slow to get an erection but when he gets there it is great and he does get there. I usually have to stimulate him either with my hand or mouth if we want to go straight at it, otherwise it takes some time to build up, although recently in the mornings he wakes up half mast. He is great about using the time it takes for him to get aroused in pleasuring me and I am not complaining about that by any means. I tell him all the time how much I love that because it was something that I had not experienced before. I love the foreplay. The biggest problem is when we have sex, he can not climax, no matter how long we go at it. He just eventually loses his erection and then we just cuddle or sometimes he will keep pleasuring me. Usually we have been trying so hard that we just cuddle and end up falling asleep. I feel awful because I want him to be able to climax and finish. He says he can when he masturbates but he's never done that in front of me. He has gotten close to climax quite a few times but it just doesn't happen. I feel awful that I can't get him to climax not matter what I do. He says it's not me but I can't help feeling like I have failed. We haven't talked about it much just some because I don't want to pressure him more and turn it into a bigger problem. Is this a problem that any guys have experienced and does anyone have advice that might help?

[surfdiva]

feeling like I have failed.

 

Noooo, neither one of you have "failed". This is pretty common in new relationships, no matter how hot for each other you are sometimes things just don't "work". My ex had ED and for me, it took time, patience and the realization it had nothing to do with him not being attracted to me.

 

Have you tried stimulating him until he does climax, my ex LOVED hand jobs (took a video tutorial how to do this and I became quite the expert, LOL!) and BJ's I gave and allowed him to finish after he helped me along.

 

I'm sure the men here will be able to help better than I can. Just know you aren't "failing"

[Rust]

I have suffered from this before it put's a real strain on any relationship for both people The man feels like he failed the female feels like she failed but in reality on one has failed.

Hmmm well how it worked for me and my ex was we just kept going at it like bunnies for two months until we found a a way to get me down to 20 minute's. for me We had to remove the condom to improve stimulation and use ejection method messed around with positions (Very fun) and increase the foreplay (Very good fun), both had extremely high sex drives.

To sum up try new thing's increase stimulation (Gel's ect) maybe he's shy about it.

As for causes it could be a form of retrograde ejaculation (Post ejaculation), there are a few causes of such thing some metal, physical and/or neurological.

If the problem keeps up I would advise him to see a doctor as their is always the chance that he has something that need's checking out or needs sex therapy.

[DancingFool]

Ask him if he would quit masturbating for awhile.

 

Masturbating and sex are very different and either he is doing it on his own too much, thus lacking ability to come for physical reasons, or it just feels different and so he is not able to come while having sex because of that. So stopping masturbation will kind of hit a reset button.

 

Also, stop fixating on him coming and just enjoy being with each other. When you get so fixated....it kind of becomes a psychological issue where you can't because there is so much mental pressure you just can't relax and enjoy anymore. Just have fun, don't try so hard, enjoy and be done when you are done. It's not really anyone's fault. The less you make it an issue and the more you just relax and have fun, the better. If he doesn't come, oh well. Assume that he had fun anyway. Don't force things. Sometimes less really is more.....

[janut1]

I dated a man who had nerve damage from his long term meth addiction. He had been clean for 5 years, but could not cum normally. We had to use a vibrator on the tip of his penis to make it happen. So it could be nerve related, but make sure he sees a Dr.

[mrwigand]

Hey, I just posted on this lol and saw your topic as well.

 

I've experienced this as well as a man, and I can tell you I've never considered my partners the problem. I don't have any solutions to suggest obviously. But yeah, I've been incredibly attracted to my partners and I've deeply enjoyed being sexual with them, but for whatever reason a hard time cumming. Which feels very embarrassing if you're a guy because the assumption is that we're the ones who are supposed to cum easily 😁

[Anonymous2723]

Thanks surfer diva!Nice to hear from someone who has been there. I have some issues of my own that play into the feeling like a failure which I am working on. It's always nice to know its not me and it's not him. The hand job thing was an interesting idea and we had some success the other night with that so might be something there to look into...thanks for the idea!

Thanks everyone else! I hear the idea about masturbation but not sure if that's the key as according to him it's not something he does much but it's possible since he does say he's able to come then but he hasn't done that in front of me so can't say for sure one way or another but pretty sure it's not something he gonna be less then truthful on as to weather he can when he masturbates or not. It is tough on the relationship but I think the main thing is I don't know how much to talk about it or weather to talk about it or when? Any advice there? As far as nerve damage or a physical cause I don't think so but a visit to a doctor might not hurt. I have heard some things about ED drugs making it harder for a guy to come so that might be a downside for us plus we prefer natural solutions whenever possible because would rather not rely on chemicals when our bodies can heal themselves but this might be a situation where some chemical intervention might be called for as a confidence booster? I think the main thing I am hearing from everyone is don't focus on his coming so much as focus on his pleasure and mine. I guess my thing is I want to know he's enjoying it as much or more so then I am and having never been with someone with this problem before I always judged enjoyment on weather or not he got off. I am guessing this is going to be a learning process for both of us. Would love to hear from you guys/gals about how you talked about it and what communication methods you found worked? Thanks so much you all rock!

[Anonymous2723]

Also as far as the idea of stimulating him until he climaxes with either my hand or mouth, he usually stops me from doing that because he wants to have sex. What do ya'll think tell him I want to do it this way? Due to some things he has said and reactions he has had to things I also think that he might think he's dirty when he climaxes just a thought based on certain reactions nothing he has said. Any advice on weather to ask about that or just let that be?

[starlight89]

try not to make a big issue of it. It will only get worse if you fixate on it and try to find a million solutions

 

My opinion: hes probably too used to his own hand and a certain type of stimulation. He needs to quit cold turkey for awhile and focus on sex with you