still cant get over him.

[deadheart2005]

hello, my name is blair. i am a 20 year old guy who broke up with my boyfriend about 4 months ago. i have been fine lately, keeping myself busy and surrounding myself with friends. But lately i have been feeling extremley down. all i can think about is HIM. i know its better that we are apart and after finding out was seeing someone for 3 months behind my back broke the camels back. we were together for 3 years. his birthday was on Feb 12th and then of course valentines day was on the 14th. i didnt call him for either of those days for the mere fact that it would have just hurt me more to hear his voice. I still cant seem to get him out of my head. i miss him at night, i miss him while im at work, i miss him when im driving. i cant seem to stop missing him and i dont know how to deal with it. im so depressed and just so ready to give up on everything around me. i dont mean to sound like a drama queen cause im not but at the same time this is how i feel. do you recomend anything? please let me know. your advice will be greatly appreciated.

-blair

[lady00]

Time. You will need a lot of time. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do except continue to not contact him at all and just wait it out. Your feelings of missing him will subside if you don't have contact with him. And you will find someone else...someone who deserves you and respects you enough not to cheat on you for 3 months. Your can do so much better and you will do better. Trust me...time really is the only thing that has worked for me...

[filmraven]

wow, I feel for you because I've been through the emotions of what you described. My boyfriend actually just broke up with me almost a week ago by tomorrow (Saturday) and it's REALLY tough. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, to think about him, etc. But give yourself a time limit and then jump back into life. I've been busying myself too with friends and theatre and any thing else that really makes me happy. For me I alot a certain amount of time each day-usually at nine pm-to think about my ex, think about the good things we shared and the not so good things too (which is usually what I end with). Just a suggestion...

 

Interms of being cheated on-I've been there too in my last relationship and nothing makes you feel sicker or more in pain. But you must realize that when a boyfriend goes to that length and committs such an act he automatically goes into the jerk bin. Immediately.

 

You deserve somebody so much better than that and you must believe that about yourself. Embrace life and make all the best of it without this loser. It is then that someone will come knocking.

 

Hope that helped....

~Elle

[twinkler]

Let your grief penetrate you fully first and then detach yourself. That's how you are able to leave it. Take any emotions - love for a man/woman, or grief for a loved one, or what you're going through, sadness and pain from the last relationship. If you hold back on the emotions - if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them - you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid and sad. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to divi in, all the way, over your headeven, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what grief is. You know what love is. And only then can you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.

 

Think about how often this is needed in everyday life. How we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don't let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how we feel a surge of love for a love for a partner but we don't say anything because we're frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship. But try to approach exactly the opposite. Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won't hurt you. It won't kill you. It will only help. If you let the grief inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, 'All right, it's just grief, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is.' Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely - but eventually be able to say, 'All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I'm going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I'm going to experience them as well.'

 

Trust me, you're not the only one who are experiencing the emotion. I am experiencing extreme loneliness and grief as well. Some people are getting married, others are getting divorced, some people is seeing someone, others are breaking up - these things are happening right now at the same time, you're not the only one. Just let your tears come.