break up the second time

[amerie]

Hey here's my story. Worked together then got together over 10yrs ago were together 8hrs bought a house and all that, broke up over irreconcilable issues (I've posted on here before about all that). I went NC for 12 days then sent a Christmas card we remained in contact and later (about 5 mths) really good friends would eat together go out together and a year later he asked me back. Roll the clock on 14mths we broke up again 3wks ago. I was thinking things were going well actually. He has some personnal issues that was heard at work and I asked could his son have said anything and he lost it and hung up on me (I was at work). I text him straight away telling him what I actually meant and he ignored me. We didn't see or talk to each other for the weekend. He called on Monday and we broke up he said that I wasn't supportive (I am very, he took that one back), I don't stop what I'm doing when he calls to hug and kiss him, he can't believe I hadn't asked him to move back in, we weren't having a lot of sex (he refused to stay during the week) we can't stay at his he's currently living with his son, girlfriend and new baby it would be weird. So I went NC he contacted me a week later to ask about the dogs I work shift so I'm not there every second week, I said we can't rely on each other like last time but maybe in time hope you understand, he said I do but of you ever need anything I'm here. I didn't reply went back nc.

I then heard he met a woman 5 days after we spilt (2 days before he text about dogs) she asked him for coffee he said no then asked her mutal friend for her number and started texting her - he's entitled to we broke up but it hurts.

I panicked that he was moving on the usual, so 2wks almost after we split I bump into him at my local shop ask can we talk. I put it all out there I still love him, think if we both cop'd on and gave it a good try no if you're not kissing me hello then I'm not doing it carry on, move back in and make a proper go of it, we could have something great. I also said that he should've came to me and asked about moving in and told me how he was feeling. He said it wasn't up to him to ask?

Anyway I asked him to think about it, the next day he called and said he doesn't want to, what does it mean that it was so fast? He said that we had our chance and blew it, he fkd up the first time but we did the second. It seems he wasn't getting what he needed from me to listen to him (he talks about work a lot, it's hard sometimes), affection - but then he stopped... instead of talking about us, he said we get on really really well but felt we had become more like friends.

So I'm on 6 days nc, at the moment I'm wanting him back still and kicking myself for not asking him to move back in etc.. maybe in time I'll feel different. I don't know if he's still chatting or meeting the new woman, I know she'll be filling the gap of my absence for now. This will be the first time in 12 yrs that I didn't wish him happy birthday (3 days ago) will it even have an effect on him? The longest we haven't spoken is 12 days in 12yrs. Anyone else go through a double break up? Thought it would be easier this time obvs not. Thanks for reading if you got this far x.

[GarthNixZozo]

I think you just need to give your guy some space and time, and come to accept that things happen. Even if you've pushed through much before in the past, it might be time to move on in the present to support yourself better in the future. Don't think for a moment that it was your fault. The blame is on no one, though if he really wanted things to work out, he should have brought up his concerns while still in the relationship, rather than throw it all at you at once and say goodbye. You need to take a breather. Instead of focusing on him, think about yourself a little and make use of the extra free time without him there. Learn a recipe, exercise, catch up on some program or try something new. If he really is moving on that quickly, then maybe you have to question how devoted he really was to making things work with you. If he can't put in the effort, then I'd say he isn't worth yours. Still though, if you do contact him again or he does you, try to stay calm and keep your emotions in check. Breaking down will help no one's case.