Every Part of My life turned upside down

[brightside]

The past 3 years have been so, so hard for me. I had a charmed life--husband, 2 kids, house, career. I won't get into the nitty gritty details but the timeline includes discovering my husband of 21 years was cheating with another mom in the neighborhood. I filed for divorce and am going through the process. I refinanced my house in my own name in preparation for the divorce on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. The following Friday my house burned after my dryer caught fire. The fire was terrifying to me and my kids, and we are lucky to be alive. I lost my home and all three of us lost all of our belongings. I have great insurance and things will get replaced but the it all hurt more than anyone can imagine. I have been traumatized. While living in an extended stay after the fire, I received a summons that I am getting sued (erroneously) in a foreclosure of a property that was owned by my late uncle. i am somehow an heir to nothing but debt. It is going to cost me 2,500$ for the attorney.

 

I have been in therapy the whole time and doing the best I can for me and my kids. I've made tremendous progress and am mostly happy as is my normal baseline. This makes no sense but I somehow feel like I'm now falling apart after a close friend who took me in after the fire will be moving away this summer. She told me today. I'm happy for her but the additional loss is painful today. I will survive, I know. I just need to get out how I feel. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of being ashamed of all the bad stuff that has befallen me. I'm an accomplished person who has accepted that I cannot control anything but it sure would be nice to not have to be on one of the worst roller coasters I have ever heard of.

[surfdiva]

Wow, you have been through SO much, I'm so sorry. I was married almost 20 years when I found out my husband was having an affair and left me. I had NO clue the affair was going on and it totally blindsided me. I lost over 30 pounds (I was already thin to begin with) and I felt I couldn't go on. Other things (not like my house burning down) happened at the same time, sick father, etc. and it felt like it was all happening at once.

 

My best advice is to surround yourself with people who will lift you up, take one day at a time...or what I did...one hour at a time. You will absolutely get thorough this. It may not feel like it now, but you will!!

[n83]

Wow. When it rains it pours, huh.

 

I'm really sorry you're going through such a hard time. How are you managing with the day to day? Do you have family nearby? Is your husband helping with the kids? (Why didn't his crap get burned up in the fire?!?)

 

I'm really hoping, for your sake, that all your bad karma juju is being used up NOW so that later on, you have nothing but smooth sailing. Fingers crossed for you.

[brightside]

So my friend kept telling me to smudge the house--burning herbs or something. When the fire took everything, it came to be known amongst my friends as the giant smudge! There have been silver linings. I get new clothes, the marital bed burned up, I got reimbursement for toys my kids no longer played with. It even made the divorce seem less important, but my continued cries of "uncle" haven't stopped the bad mojo.

 

I'm thankful for your responses and the reminders that I will get through this period. I will. will.

[n83]

You definitely will!!!! And hopefully the bad karma will also spread to your husband and his mistress, both of whom deserve some of those bad things happening to them. If viruses are contagious, maybe karma can be, too. I hope you cussed them both out something fierce???

 

For the record, cheating with a neighbor?!?! What a tool.

[brightside]

The cheating was even worse than you can imagine. It was my girls' best friends' mother and my friend. Weirdly, she moved away before I discovered it and she and my STBX were hooking up all over the country when he traveled on business. They are still an item. The affair was at least 3 years in duration. When I went to work, they had "playdates" before she moved. I haven't ever chewed him out. I treat him with silence. He's a narcissist and would enjoy the attention so I give him none. Now that I know he is horrible, I have a shot at a better, incredible relationship someday...once this sh*tstorm subsides.

[sunnz]

You are strong and you have your children to cherish, so much things have gone wrong for you but at the end of the day you are stronger than a lion !

 

See the affair as she can have him, he will do the same to her eventually, she doesn't know what is in store for her, let the universe do the work !! My ex of my children's father did similar and funny she cheated on him. But eventually you will be indifferent to them.

 

The thing about your uncle and debt inherited, this is what I think is ridiculous with law and such, debt to a person should not be transferred to someone else, they don't do it when someone is alive so why the difference afterwards, it's barbaric. Is there anyway you can keep the property and rent it out to reimburse any debts to the lenders ?

 

Treat him with silence is the best way ! I don't have any interactions with my ex and this annoyed him for so long, I use to just pass the phone to my children when he rang, now they are older and have their own phones, still now and then he calls but I don't bother, that part of my life is over.

[brightside]

sunnz, I am not legally responsible for my uncle's debt, but I'm still getting sued. I'm calling it a purposeful error. I have to hire a lawyer to defend me even if it is a ridiculous case. If I didn't have representation, as it was explained to me, the mistake could proceed all the way to an erroneous judgement that would be hard to reverse. Barbaric for sure.

[n83]

I hope that the judge throws it out quickly and hopefully your attorney will also seek legal fees. Hopefully the judge won't be too impressed with them pursuing you like this.

 

The cheating was even worse than you can imagine. It was my girls' best friends' mother and my friend. Weirdly, she moved away before I discovered it and she and my STBX were hooking up all over the country when he traveled on business. They are still an item. The affair was at least 3 years in duration. When I went to work, they had "playdates" before she moved. I haven't ever chewed him out. I treat him with silence. He's a narcissist and would enjoy the attention so I give him none. Now that I know he is horrible, I have a shot at a better, incredible relationship someday...once this sh*tstorm subsides.

 

Wow, you are awesome. I don't know that I would be able to restrain myself so well. I hope he enjoys Crazy, because it sounds like both of them are obviously self-entitled narcissists. It takes a special kind of evil to bang a FRIEND'S husband and then look her in the eye later on. They both sound like they have some serious drama. Not that it makes it any easier

[surfdiva]

The cheating was even worse than you can imagine. It was my girls' best friends' mother and my friend. Weirdly, she moved away before I discovered it and she and my STBX were hooking up all over the country when he traveled on business. They are still an item. The affair was at least 3 years in duration. When I went to work, they had "playdates" before she moved. I haven't ever chewed him out. I treat him with silence. He's a narcissist and would enjoy the attention so I give him none. Now that I know he is horrible, I have a shot at a better, incredible relationship someday...once this sh*tstorm subsides.

 

Oh geez, sounds a bit like my situation. My husband cheated with a co-worker. This co-worker became friends with me, sending me Birthday presents, sending our son birthday presents, inviting me to lunch, etc.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this, like I said in my earlier advice, take one day at a time. You're stronger than you think you are and you WILL get through this. I had given up on ever being happy again, but to be honest, I'm the happiest I've been in years. You will get there!

 

Stay strong!!