Do you ever feel like...?

[dreynolds]

Everyone around you seems to find decent individuals to spend time with and date but you just can't seem to find one person you click with where both of you want the same thing - to spend time together...

 

I'm not much of a fan of the bar pickup - i'm a little more old fashioned I guess. Not that I haven't done it - just don't put any WORK into going out to a club to meet a woman. I do date - have dated a lot in the past - and sure, i've pretty much experienced it all (so it seems). I'm just wondering if it's only me who looks around and seems to see most other people who go on 2 or 3 different dates and then poof - they find someone they spend 6 months, a year, longer with....but I can go on 20 different dates, and be lucky to find 1 woman where we both want to continue seeing each other.

 

Just wondering if anybody shares this experience....

[DragonGirl724]

i find that friends of friends usually make the best kind of dates. you know some backround info about them. theyre usually cool people b/c hey youre friends seem to like them. & its better then meeting someone at complete random @ a sketchy bar. dont lose hope. there are good people out there. maybe join a club or a gym, to find people that share similar interests.

 

this guy got a date from a video dating service. if he can nab a date im sure you could too lol:

 

link removed

 

takecare,

-DG724

[dreynolds]

Okay, that video clip was creepy! lol

 

It's not a matter of not finding a date - it's the women I do meet and go out with...never much of a spark/chemistry.....starting to wonder if I can ever feel/find that again....so when you go on date after date after date - and it's the same thing over and over.....you start to wonder if ur the only one who's goign through this because This person and That person all seem to have met SOMEONE they click with and have fun spendign time with. It's frustrating...but I do believe there is something to the whole "you'll never find it if ur looking for it"...which is why i'm done with the dating scene for a while....just curious if anybody shares with my frustration.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah I know what you mean.. I'm 28 and have been single for about a year and a half now.I've dated alot but haven't had that spark yet for both sides.Either I'm really interested and they are not as much or they are really interested in me and I'm not..It's frustrating..

For instance.. I'm going out tomorrow with a girl for the third time..We've had fun and all but still not sure if she's totally into me.. we kissed last date..but who knows..I'll see what happens and hopefully you will as well

[Day_Walker]

I believe that it has to do with standards. Everybody has different standards and that will determine if you click with a person or not. It seems that you happen to be pickier than the people around while this is a good thing the draw back is that it can take longer to find a person you click with.

 

It just depends how you want to look at the situation you can get down because you cant find what you exactly want or you can be friendly with these girls but always keep in mind that they arent what you want.

[dreynolds]

Exactly - for me it's been like the same story over and over.

In the past fwe months - i met one woman who was a few years older than I, really into me but I just wasn't into her at all - just different. The girl after that was quite a bit younger (21) - too young and not my type. The woman after that we met online - talked for a week and totally clicked! I was apparently too skinny for her or something (i'm six 2 and 230) - she wasn't exactly "fit" - it was just weird (but she was shallow/picky..no loss). Girl after that we met online - chatted for 2 days then met. Had a great time together - laughs, conversation - then she just faded away and basically had nothing more to do with me...so I just left well enough alone.

 

These are my epxeriences in the last 6 weeks alone. I had another bunch of interest dates via the web - it was just ridiculous so i deleted my account simpyl because its the same thing over and over (and not fun anymore).

 

Good luck on your next date....hope it clicks!!!

 

...p.s....

Yes - i agree that it has to do with standards. This is something I keep tryign to remind myself. Even though I see A LOT of people finding other people - the women they connect with aren't women i could see myself connecting with anyway....for most cases. I know I'm picky - but not in a negative way. I can't stand a woman who is rude (seen it on first dates - to other people) - or negative (boo hoo wha wha) - or doesn't take care of themselves Anyway - i have standards...and i do know this is part of my "problem" if you can call it that....

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Hey thanks..I hope it clicks as well..I guess I'll see.. She seems my type..very easy going , likes beer..lol...and my age with a good job..I met her through the a dating service as well..

Yeah hope things work out better for you as well..

[dreynolds]

Isn't it funny - for some reason, when a girl I'm on a date with orders a beer along with me it also hits me somewhere special! lol Not that her saying "eww - beer - gross" bothers me or anything, but there is just something about a girl actually having a pint with you!

 

The hard part is wanting that someone NOW, and not being patient....which is what I'm having a hard time dealing with. Which is why I date so damn much...which is why I've stopped dating actually - it has become a vicious cycle that's neverending...so i decided to change it up. Thing is - i've done this before - and within a week or two - there will be 3 new women in the picture...and my "plan" goes straight to the crapper...

 

Women - the power they possess! If they only knew (actually most of them do...)

 

L8r

[bubbamackdaddy69]

haha for sure..I totally agree..

It's nice to have a pint with a date and enjoy chatting with her..Not that I want a drunk..that's not it at all..but it's nice to have a beer with a date and not worry that if I'm the only one having a beer makes me a drunk..

Just like you..I gotta be more patient I guess.. and for me as well..one week there will be 3 new women in the picture.. some I like and some I don't ..

Like yesterday..A girl I dated about 6 months ago e-mailed me and asked me if I wanted to go for a pint.. but she's one of those girls I wasn't interested in..and the ones I am interested in either play really hard to get or just plainly aren't interested in me..

It's frustrating at times...

Never though it would be so hard to find someone I like... but I don't want to settle for anything either..

[dreynolds]

I know - i never in a million years thought it would be THIS hard.

 

I dont' know the difference between not interested and playing hard to get. I mean - i appreciate a woman simply being up front and honest, no games - but like this last girl i went out with, when I asked if she wanted to stick around or get going, she said she should probably get going - i took it as a sign! Half hour later - i made the move for us to leave. When I joked with her later that evening (saw her on MSN) - about rushing home to watch reality tv - she appologized and said she wasn't rushing, it wasn't like that at all - she was having a good time - she thought I wanted to leave. Thing is - if I don't call/write her - she doesn't bother with me. If I write - she'll reply...but she won't initiate anything. When I said I wanted to see her again, maybe dinner and a movie - she said "sounds good". When I left her an email last weekend about actually getting together - i heard nothing. Thing is - i went back onto that dating site and she changed her ad with a line reading "is ANYBODY out there?"....AFTEr we went out on our date. I took that as a big enough sign and that's when I exit stage left....

 

I'm just tired of the situations above mainly....

Hate to rush it - but I want it now - and that feeling sucks!

[bubbamackdaddy69]

I appreciate a womean being up front and honest as well..Saves alot of wasted time.

Like this girl I'm dating now..tomorrow will be our 3rd date..After the first date she e-mailed me at work the following day and said thanks for the evening and asked me if I wanted to do something again.. so we did..took her out to dinner had a good time then went to her place and rented a movie..She fell asleep 45 mins into the movie..After the movie I left and before leaving gave her a kiss and lasted only about 20 secs or so.. That night I gave her flowers and a bottle of wine which she seems to have liked, she even mentioned that we should get together to drink the bottle sometime. the following night she called and chatted for a bit.. It seems to be going well but getting confused at times..Don't know but sometimes she seems she's really into me then it seems she's not..just by her e-mails and what not.. but I could totally be looking into it way too much..

grrr..this dating scene is all but confusing at times..

[dreynolds]

Well things seem to be going well so far - i think this is where both you and I MURDER the situation by analyzing it to death! lol What if this and what if that....and what is she thinking when she does this or does that! I hate it - but that's me - i think to death..analyze to death...drive myself crazy for no reason!

 

The only advice I can offer for date number 3...is before you pick her up or meet her....tell yourself to just relax, go with the flow and STOP torturing yourself with things that probably mean nothing.

 

One thing I don't do anymore - is play games. If I like a girl - she knows it, that i want to see her again - get a straight answer. I don't tolerate games - and I try not to OVERTHINK everything anymore. IT's hard of course - go back to old habits.

 

I have a lot of very close female friends - all of course have a girlfriend who I just have to meet lol...but one thing that they have all told me, and I do agree with - is not to try so hard. A girl likes to be chased a bit...likes the thrill...the hunt or to be hunted....if ur anything like me...you wear your heart RIGHT out there on your sleeve that screams "HEY - I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU - I LIKE YOU - OVER HERE"...and that freaks women out! AGain - something I'm tryign to work on! lol

I think the above explains why when ur not looking - 3 women out of nowhere show up and away you go again. Why? Because we're no longer that guy who's all freakin' out...we're the guy they like at the start, and who will eventually come back after the intiial first dates are out of the way! What we do to ourselves....crazy!!!

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah I know..I analyze things to death..I shouldn't though....you're right..tomorrow when I pick her up for the movie , I'll play it cool and relaxed..I too wear my heart on my sleave..but should hide it sometimes which is better in many cases..Girls do like the chase..and so do guys

Better to stop analyzing things too much with this new girl.. I'm different since I've been single now for 1.5 years after a 3 year relationship..Before my 3 year girlfriend I was never looking for anything serious..just looking to get laid to put it bluntly..but now I'm looking for a sweet girl etc..the whole package..

[dreynolds]

Well good luck to ya - i hope things work out. Movies are great on a 2nd or 3rd date - sitting close, maybe a bit of hand holding...she gets cuddly...all good things.

 

I know it sounds stupid - but my suggestion after this next day - let her do a bit of chasing. If she calls/writes - play the game a bit - don't go rushing back to her and writing her back right away...always being there at her beck and call....be cool....play the game....it's just something that needs to be done i suppose....

 

have a good one - nice chatting with ya....

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah I know eh.. I will do that..I analyze too much and today that's what I was thinking about..not e-mailing her back right away and such..let her e-mail me and call me for the next few days..seems silly but true..

Great chatting with you as well..

Good luck to both of us !

[marijo2480]

Maybe you guys are going on far too many dates! Why can't you get to know a girl a lot longer before taking her out (be it by phone and/or email). I wouldn't lower my standards if I were you but do take out the girl that meets just about all of them. If you haven't found her yet, chill..... It'll happen, just don't force it as much as you've been forcing it lately! I met my boyfriend by coincidence and I turned out to be his dream girl and he turned out to be my dream man. I didn't lower my standards at all with him!

[dreynolds]

Hi Marijo -

nobody is lowering standards - nobody should ever do that. you want what you want - and don't let anybody else tell you otherwise. That's called Settling!

 

In order to figure out what you're looking for - you have to date - not everyone is as lucky as some to have just found their soul mate while in grade 9. Thign is -= even with those individuals they wonder what dating would be like - they're missing out on a whole experience there!

 

Going on many dates is not the problem - and it's not a matter of giving a woman more time! With internet dating - it's difficult because firstly, for most poeple, you have to have a physical attraction. Then you build on that. Most people aren't true about what they look like. So you spend 2 or 3 weeks talkign to someone and getting really close to them - yes you like them - but when you finally meet, the attraction just isn't there - somethin gis missing....it' sjust the way dating goes (internet dating). That's why you have to meet early - talk for a few days then get together and see if the same 'chemistry" is there face to face.

 

If ur looking for it - you'll never find it - i do believe that - but at the same time, you have to be out there so it can find you!

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Everyone around you seems to find decent individuals to spend time with and date but you just can't seem to find one person you click with where both of you want the same thing - to spend time together...

I amazingly find women who share my interests, but amazingly they are all taken by boyfriends or husbands. It's like every girl that I meet who I like and who I connect with have someone else to begin with. They say good things come to those who wait, but I'm 31 and I am sick of waiting.

[dreynolds]

I hear ya Kyoshiro....but there's nothign that can be doen about that.

I was in the same boat - i would meet woman at work mostly, they usually begin the flirting and everything is cool until a week or two when I find out they have a boyfriend whom they're living with. I chalk that up to the whole "thrill seeking" thing some people still need once and a while.

 

I keep my distance now - have for the past few years. Still kept my close female friends...but I don't make new female friends who are involved - it makes no sense. Basically I'm the guy they start wanting to hang out with, email, talk to, vent to, bla bla bla - then I send them home to have dinner, watch a movie and have a night of wild sex with their boyfriend. Ya - that makes LOTS of sense. So now - i just stay casual - don't get too clsoe to "involved" women....

 

As for being sick of waiting - yes - i hear you. I went to see that movie "hitch" last night - by myself....i like stupid romantic comedy movies...so sue me! Funny thing was that a buddy called at the last minute - wanted to see Ong Bak - Thai Fighter....so I told him "i already have my ticket"...he asked "for what"...I replied "HITCH" - he busted out laughing. I didn't hear the end of it. I exchanged my ticket for Ong Bak and we saw that - and I still plan to see hitch - but the whole point to this story was something he said over pints later...."that's all you want is to be hitched"....and it was totally true. I'm trying so hard to find someone to "take me off the market"....instead of having any fun with being single. Gotta change my ways....stop "looking" for her....just have faith that if we're suupposed to meet - we will....eventually.....nothign I can do about that!

[volution]

I was sick of waiting when I was 14 lol .

 

Gawd.... it seems like this... the women who have the same interests as me are few and far between already, but they all seem to be taken too!!

Last week, I got a message out of the blue from someone nice on a dating site I had been on for a while.

So I got chatting to her, then find out she already has a date at the weekend. I mean WTF, FFS ARRRGGH?! Why bother to contact me if she already has a date?

 

They do say good things things come to those who wait, but bad things happen whilst we're waiting like manic depression and frustration!

And in the end, there's no guarantee of anything. Like everything in life, I suppose.

 

Everyone around you seems to find decent individuals to spend time with and date but you just can't seem to find one person you click with where both of you want the same thing - to spend time together...

I amazingly find women who share my interests, but amazingly they are all taken by boyfriends or husbands. It's like every girl that I meet who I like and who I connect with have someone else to begin with. They say good things come to those who wait, but I'm 31 and I am sick of waiting.

[barwench]

I can sympathize with you guys.....I 've worked in a bar for the last 7 years. It has desensitized me to men! I hear all the crap that comes out of their mouths when alcohol is added and I have started to think that all men are like this. I have also been out on dates with guys that have alot of baggage.

I'm at an age now where I know that people have had bad relationships but come on.....we're not all out to break your heart!

People need to learn to love freely...remember what an amazing feeling it is....why be scared of it??

I think also its a fear of hurting someone else....finding out your not compatable or not into it as much as the other person is.

I have a hard time going through the motions of trying to get to know someone.....I just want it to happen...th conversation to run freely and openly....lose all inhabitions...just let it happen!! Where are these men??

[dreynolds]

We ask the same questions about women, where are they?

 

From my dating experience - i've found exactly who I'm looking for - it's just that the qualities were spread among a few different women I dated...the good old "if I could just combine this from her and that from her....".

 

Spring is coming - that usually changes things a bit....something in the air. Hopefully we'll all stumble into something new, interesting and fun. First thing to remember - DON"T OVERANALYZE IT AND JUST ENJOY IT!

 

Good luck all...

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

We ask the same questions about women, where are they?

 

From my dating experience - i've found exactly who I'm looking for - it's just that the qualities were spread among a few different women I dated...the good old "if I could just combine this from her and that from her....".

 

Spring is coming - that usually changes things a bit....something in the air. Hopefully we'll all stumble into something new, interesting and fun. First thing to remember - DON"T OVERANALYZE IT AND JUST ENJOY IT!

 

Good luck all...

Case in point: there is this pretty girl who works in another department next to mine. I see her sometimes during the week and even though I am attracted to her, I really really like her personality. I even feel comfortable saying "Hi" to her, which I never do to a female I am attracted to. I don't know her well enough to see if we would be even more compatible, but it doesn't matter because as soon as I discovered my feelings for her, POW! here comes her boyfriend to her job to pick her up and take her home... right on cue. They say there are more fish in the sea, but it seems like the other fishermen have their fish, and 'm stuck with a worm on my hook. What's the use?

[barwench]

I think we all get to an age where if we didn't find them in highschool or early college then we have to wait til the next time around! With that though we get emotional baggage....ex spouses....children and all the other pressures that go along with pasts that effect our future.

It gets frusterating but if you truly find it with someone then it will all work itself out!

No one should be self conscious when it comes to being around people. Who are who you are....be proud and get out there. A simple Hi to a stranger in a great gesture....a great smile can make a girls day! The right one will come along.....you'll know it when it happens!

[slw1]

I would say I am probally really picky . I dont date much because of it. Last year I me the most amazing woman I was 33 and she was 32., she completely blew me away and we clicked really well. We could spend 4 hours just sitting on the couch together talking about anything. turns out she was even pickier than me and dumped me twice.