I left and feel good about it- sharing experience

[amilasiu]

Recently I have left my live-in boyfriend of 3 years. I've posted in the past about his temper tantrums and crazy uncertainty in our relationship, which really screwed me up for quite some time. I was always thinking that I could make it work but in the end it was just a complete misery. Funny enough, I now think, he was not happy as well, he just would not break up with me. Would treat me like crap, but just would not break it off.

 

Which was fine by me for a while, as I was really trying to stay with him. However, when he started to come back at 6 am in the morning from the guys' night out, that was just too much. I am relatively certain that there was no infidelity, he was just probably with his pathetic male friends but still that just killed it for me.

 

Earlier I would have collapsed from grief at breaking the relationship, but when I decided to leave I just got so happy. And now that I am alone I am even happier that I am out of this idiotic relationship. It is so good to get rid of somebody who would just put me down, would treat his platonic girlfriends way better than me, and have kid-like temper tantrums, although he is hitting 40.

 

I saw him today for lunch and was completely cool about it, was just a little nostalgic but mostly relieved not to have to come home with him to the same drama. Funny how all that nearly obsessive love I had for him is, poof, and gone. Although now I am just really angry at him for stringing me around. But then again, I think that me at 26 and him at 40, it is easy to see whose biological clock is really ticking. He will probably end up like some of his other friends - close to 50, single, kidless, desperately drinking in bars trying to hopelessly pick up somebody - anybody. Ha!

 

I still don't get it - how he would not be just supper happy with everything that I had to offer for the relationship. The guy MUST have problems. But hey now it is somebody else's business.

 

 

YAY I AM FREE I AM FREE

[Scout]

Congratulations! I wish more people would free themselves from dysfunctional relationships instead of staying in them because they are afraid of being single.

 

I understand your anger with him too, and sadly the answer you gave is probably the truth: he has problems. He sounds incredibly immature which at his age, isn't cute anymore. You know, some people just never will do the work necessary to grow as a person, ever. They generally end up miserable.

[MetallicAguy]

Well good for you, no one should be in a relationship where the other partner treats you like s***.

[amilasiu]

it is quite interesting though that 4-5 months ago I would have done nearly anything to stay with him. However, since theneven with all my love and devotion the relationship's badness just exceeded my tolerance level.

 

Especially, since around then we had this argument where his true feelings towards me or the lack thereof came out in quite nasty ways. And all my little illusions about us were swifly destroyed. Of course, post conflict he was all lovey dovey, hugs and kisses. But it did not last long and this time I was much more jaded - when his behaviour became increasingly worse, instead of panicking like there is no tomorrow without him, I was gone with the wind.

 

you can tell I am proud with myself - the relationship has been miserable for so long that even my mom was tired of hearing me whine. I guess there is hope even for those most addicted to somebody.

[DragonGirl724]

He will probably end up like some of his other friends - close to 50, single, kidless, desperately drinking in bars trying to hopelessly pick up somebody - anybody. Ha!

 

I still don't get it - how he would not be just supper happy with everything that I had to offer for the relationship. The guy MUST have problems. But hey now it is somebody else's business.

 

 

YAY I AM FREE I AM FREE

 

thats awesome! i know a guy or 2 who'll probably end up exactly like that at 40 b/c he's doing it right now. desperate. its pretty pathetic. sometimes they even admit that we're just simply too good for them. when they say that, its the truth. now on to bigger & better things. goodbye & good riddens!

 

-DG724

[alona125]

amilasiu:

 

Congrats on getting out, and feeling good about it as well.

 

I am in the same situation as you were. I am with a man who is 11 years older than me, has a horrible temper, and treats me good, but when there is fights, or I bring something up, he loses it.

 

I guess I need to follow your example, just get out. Its soooo hard, but I guess I just need to once and for all do it, and then I will begin to feel like you.

 

Thanks for sharing your positive experience!

[nix]

Well done you!

 

Actually I cant believe just how similar your ex is to mine...for a minute there I thought you were talking about him!

 

My ex and I broke up 3 months ago and I dont think I am quite at the place you are as I still love my ex and cant seem to let go. How long has it been since you split up?

 

Thanks for sharing your story it has made me feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[amilasiu]

well, it has been a month.

I still care about him and do miss him sometimes but i know that there is no way in hell I am coming back to the same mess. I don't think he'll be able to change, but maybe along the line we'll be friends - which I prefer, b/c he always treated his friends better than girlfriends.

[DragonGirl724]

you learned a lot from this experience. this kind of wisdom, after youve learned it first hand, sticks with you forever. youre a stronger, wiser, more experienced individual. theres a lot of people on this forum, that can benefit from your story. those who dont believe in life after love. best of luck next time with your new guy that may come along, not that youre gonna need it.

 

take care.

-DG724