pursue???

[mildgentleone]

Do guys want to be pursued by girls? It seems like when I pursue they lose interest. If they like to be pursued, then how? Do guys like it when girls call them? How many times is too often? Do guys like to talk on the phone or would they rather do stuff in person? Do they want a girl to ask them out? to say first that they have feelings?

[FuriousSam]

Maybe you are too aggressive; either you are "boring" or you scared them away. Guys or rather people in general like to guess which somehow makes it interesting. Another reason is that maybe the guys you are interested in are wussies because they think that guys should take control of thing but you are the one in control. Then there's also that they might not really like you...

 

One thing about pursue, you have to do something like a tug and pull. Keep them guessing while you don't reveal too much. Keep the mystery.

 

As far as number of phone calls, judge by how the conversations go. If you find that it gets boring, not matter how good their voice sounds, cut down on the phone calls. I am a pretty active person, so I like to do things in person, but I don't mind talking on the phone once in awhile too and each person is different.

[sisterlynch]

Every guy is a little different, so every relationship is going to be a little different. You should handle it as a learning experience, go in with an open heart, and if he likes it he likes it, if he doesn't --figure out why he didn't like it.

[Double J]

I don't mind if a girl persued me. Most likely it probably wouldn't be a girl that I really liked, but that happened a couple of times, but it's still flattering, and I always said yes to the girl..

 

This is true. Not always but usually when the girl pursues the guy, the guy is not interested in her the same way. Don't know why, but us guys usually have to put in effort to get the girl we really want. Maybe it's just the whole "wanting what you can't have" thing.

[MetalJoe]

Do guys want to be pursued by girls? It seems like when I pursue they lose interest. If they like to be pursued, then how? Do guys like it when girls call them? How many times is too often? Do guys like to talk on the phone or would they rather do stuff in person? Do they want a girl to ask them out? to say first that they have feelings?

 

I'd love to have a girl pursue me for a change - at least it would show she was interested and take a lot of the guesswork out of things. I'm afraid I find the guessing and is she/isn't she interested game playing a bit boring/frustrating - more so as I get older.

 

Personally, I'm not a great fan of the phone - I much prefer to talk to someone face-to-face. I guess part of the problem is I'm quite a visual person.

 

I've only been asked out once, but it was great - a big ego boost and very flattering. More women should take the initiative!

[vitalcoaching]

Hi mildgentleone,

 

Here are some extra answers

 

Do guys want to be pursued by girls?

 

Yes, they want to! (it flatters them)

 

Does it work for you?

 

No it doesn't!

 

It is actually a turn off.

 

When you puruse, you sound needy or desperate. Yes, it flatters guys but it does not bring you where you want to be: Having and equal connection one on one with a guy.

 

When you pursue, it creates an unbalance of power, you keep on feeding and the guy simply steps back and waits for your praising attention.

 

After a while, you run out of energy.

 

There is a much better strategy: Take one step forward, give him something and then step back and give him space to respond.

 

If he does not respond, take this as a sign.

 

You know where you two could be, you can see the potential but the truth is that it takes two to tango.

 

Let them do their part.

 

How many times is too often?

 

Same story: if you systematically intiate the call, then it's not agood sign either.

 

If you call him once, then give him space to initiate himself. This gives rhythm.

 

If he is not a "phone" or a "text" person respect that and let him choose how he wants to connect with you.

 

If he does not call you but pays you a surprise visit at 10pm, respect that.

 

That's his way of connecting.

 

If you are "light dating", a couple of connections a week sounds like a good rhythm.

 

A TXT message a day, you start sounding really needy.

 

3 messages a day sound like despair.

 

Again, if he responds and initiates the connection as well, that's no problem. Now, if you are the one and only taking all these steps it quickly becomes and invasion of his space.

 

Even if a guy loves you, he still wants to keep space for extra social connections, focus on his studies or work and have other activities.

 

When you feed a connection too much, you end up asphixiating the relationship and passion and desire dry out.

 

If you get a feeling that this is happening, take a step back, trust and let him respond in his own time

 

Enjoy and good luck!

 

vitalcoach