confused and need advise

[willo2016]

So i was in an intimate relationship with a young lady that lasted for about 4weeks. She was in a relationship right before we statrted our intimate relations. Things just did not seem right. She was anxious all the time , had heartburn, lower back pain, and seemed to be depressed as well. We started having sex on 11/26 . And on 12/01(6 days after having sex) she took a pregnacy blood test with an extremly high hormone level of 46,000. I didnt know about this test until later on in january . When I found the paper I asked if she was pregnant and I was told to just let it go. Then she tells me she is 8weeks pregnant. Im not sure here.

[Seraphim]

6 days after having sex a positive pregnancy test? I would say she was pregnant before you had sex with her.

[Seraphim]

Do not sign or agree to anything unless you have a DNA test. Use a condom ALWAYS. Birth control is also your responsibility.

[willo2016]

Do not sign or agree to anything unless you have a DNA test. Use a condom ALWAYS. Birth control is also your responsibility.

 

 

Ive had professinal advise with this as well an obgyn even said that those levels are way high and suggests a pregnancy of almost 7 weeks. Its jist driving me nuts becuase she is saying the blood test was done to test meds levels. Im not stupid a pregnancy blood test is not used for that. Here is another added thing I dont get. She started with sever abdmonial pain on12/29 . Long story short she had a cyst on the right ovary. Went home and everyting was ok . I was even told by a er docotor she was not pregnant (was concerned about etopic pregnancy). So she did mot lime the out come of that her family doctor had her a visit with a surgon. The next day she is back in the hospital getting it removed and again im told not pregrenat directly by the surgon. She did develop and infection that has been treated with meds . She was back in the hospital 2 different times. So i ask how come they are telling your not and you are say you are. She said she told them to tell me that. I just really dont know. Thanks for your response

[youareworthy]

DearWillo2016,

 

It sounds like she was afraid to tell you she was pregnant. It does sound like she was already pregnant when you two began your intimacy. Are the two of you still romantically interested in one another?

 

Is the person she slept with before around to give a DNA sample I have understood they can use a sample as simple as a hair from the suspected father's head.

 

I would ask her to have the DNA tests to determine paternity.

 

Best wishes, and keep us posted.

 

Youareworthy

[youareworthy]

One more thing, "eight weeks pregnant" traditionally does not mean that the conception occurred 8 weeks ago. It usually means the conception occurred 6 weeks ago. The way the OB world has traditionally counted pregnancy is from the first day of the woman's last menstrual cycle, because menstruation is the only phase of a woman's reproductive cycle that is externally obvious. Before scientists, and now even laymen, could determine at what point a woman was fertile/ovulating, the period was the only way to calculate the date. So 8 weeks pregnant usually means a 6-week old baby. And yes, all this does mean that a 40-week pregnancy is really only 38 weeks of actually being pregnant!

 

Confusing, I know! I hope this information helps you and this young woman figure things out.

 

Be supportive and truthful with her about whatever is going on.

 

Best wishes to you as you face this complex situation.

 

Youareworthy

[willo2016]

Youareworthy . No we are not invovled anymore. I almost think that she was doing this because I was not interested in a relationship. I had to pull this from her when I found the test results. Then it was she was 8wks on the 15 of january. It almost feels like shewas trying to just hide it or something. She was in a relationship with someone else like 2 weeks before we started being intimate. That person was always calling her all the time we where together. Ths jas cause me a lot of anxiety and steess cause im just not sure

[Seraphim]

Youareworthy . No we are not invovled anymore. I almost think that she was doing this because I was not interested in a relationship. I had to pull this from her when I found the test results. Then it was she was 8wks on the 15 of january. It almost feels like shewas trying to just hide it or something. She was in a relationship with someone else like 2 weeks before we started being intimate. That person was always calling her all the time we where together. Ths jas cause me a lot of anxiety and steess cause im just not sure

My guess it is the other person's baby.

[willo2016]

Thats what im guessing to. An the samething that my therapist is saying as well. However she keeps telling me I hurt her because i made it seem as if I wanted to be with her. The pregnancy stuff only came after I told her indid mot want to be in a relationship.

[youareworthy]

Dear willo2016,

 

I am glad you have the support of a therapist. It is important to have someone to talk to in person when you are going through something stressful like this.

 

It is understandable that she feels hurt. You two were sleeping together. Unless you told her outright that the sex was purely for physical reasons, I can see how she would interpret sleeping together as more than just sex. We like to pretend that we can keep sex separate from emotions, but it is not how the human brain works.

 

I am guessing that your main worry now is if this baby is your child. May I suggest a couple of steps you could take now?

 

1. Ask her to have a paternity test as soon as it is medically feasible. If this involves an amniocentesis, it is safer to do that test when the pregnancy is further along.

 

2. Begin practicing stopping every anxious thought the moment it pops into your head, and replacing it with the truth. Look up Cognitive Behavioral Therapy--it will teach you how to do this, and is very easy to learn. CBT is the single most powerful tool I have ever used to improve my mental health.

 

3. Learn and master other strategies for dealing with anxiety, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, taking walks, living in the present.

 

 

If you and this woman had unprotected sex, explore with your therapist why you chose to do that. Do you want to have a child? Are you interested in maximizing your pleasure during sex? Are you trying to "create a catastrophe" for some reason? Is there a broken part of your childhood you are trying to redo to get it right this time?

 

I wish you well as you walk this path.

 

Youareworthy

[willo2016]

Thank you for the response. Yes that seems like something to try. An yes the thought goes through my head. I did nothave unprotected sex with this lady I used a condom all the time. The test results just dont add up to It being mine. The things that get me are the way she is coming at me an saying it is mine and the lying she does. She now stated to me today that we should talk. Thats got my mind going so many different ways. My therapist thinks I should just cut all ties. I mean 6 days after sex and the blood test shows that high of hormones and she says it just to check meds.

[willo2016]

I really dont know what she is trying to do here. But it sure is driving me nuts.

[youareworthy]

Dear Willo2016,

 

If you were using a condom each time, and she already had symptoms of pregnancy before you slept together, (which from your description, she seemed to have), and the blood test showed she had been pregnant for a while, then all you need now to confirm that this baby is not yours is the paternity test.

 

I think this woman is overwhelmed and scared, and is looking for the nearest nice guy to help her take responsibility for this baby, but you are not interested in her, and this is almost certainly not your child, so this is not your problem (unless the test shows otherwise).

 

I agree with your therapist that you should restrict her ability to contact you to mailing you the results of the paternity test.

 

You do not want to be with someone who is driving you crazy!

 

Youareworthy

[willo2016]

Thanks very true.. but my mind plays tricks on me and I I think its a conspiracy and the blood test was fixed somehow. Dont know why I just continue to ask questions was that true. It does seem like she is looking for the nice guy to fall back on and get help. I just keep playing these situations over and over in my head. Thats what bothers the heck out of me and drives me nuts. Why not just tell the other guy as well . But she swears its mine.

[youareworthy]

Cooperate with the paternity test, and then don't talk to her again until the results are available. Work hard on learning how to control anxiety. Ask your therapist to work closely with you about anxiety.

 

Do not let her anxiety ruin your life!

 

Youareworthy

[willo2016]

thanks youareworthy.... it just seems things keep getting shadier. as i look at the lab results things are correct to a point however. things somewhat are a question. im not shore if human error or its a hoax towards me cause i did not want to be in a relationship at this point. my mind is playing tricks on me that she down loaded the results and changed the date that a specimen was taken. Why she would do this is unknown. to me. her current address was not on there, her date of birth is correct but it has her listed as a 30 yr old female not a 31 yr. old female . not sure if it is something that is an auto generated or has to be put in by hand. not im really starting to second doubt this to all extremes.

[youareworthy]

Dear Willo2016,

 

I am starting to worry about you. You are starting to really obsess about this.

 

Go see your therapist as soon as you can.

 

You may even want to contact an attorney at this point, just to make sure you are protecting yourself and handling this situation correctly.

 

As far as I can tell at this point, you are under no obligation to her at all, but you DO want to make sure for yourself that you are not the father.

 

From your side of things, you need to have NO CONTACT. I would suggest blocking her number and email addresses, but you do need to be available for her to handle the paternity test.

 

Do NOT respond to anything she writes except if she is requesting a DNA sample (like a hair), or if she is telling you the results of the test. Once the test results are in, if you are not the father, block all her means of contacting you so she can move on to figure this out for herself and with the baby's father.

 

Take care of yourself, and try hard to stop thinking about this!!! All this anxiety is only hurting YOU.

 

Youareworthy

[willo2016]

I have an appointment on tuesday. But things just are not adding up. You start finding things out when you look closer and closer to see whats up.

[bakadesuka]

not sure, i mean blood tests differ from stick tests afterall they can detect within a few days if your pregnant but i would agree that she is likely pregnant before she has met you, first scan is usulaly 12 weeks so a doctor would be bang on the ball about this , try to work out the dates from the first scan she had

 

count back 10 weeks from the date of the scan (as first 2 weeks of pregnancy are preovulation so it is week 2-3 where she would get pregnant)

 

or count back 38 weeks from due date

[Heather Dawn]

So i was in an intimate relationship with a young lady that lasted for about 4weeks. She was in a relationship right before we statrted our intimate relations. Things just did not seem right. She was anxious all the time , had heartburn, lower back pain, and seemed to be depressed as well. We started having sex on 11/26 . And on 12/01(6 days after having sex) she took a pregnacy blood test with an extremly high hormone level of 46,000. I didnt know about this test until later on in january . When I found the paper I asked if she was pregnant and I was told to just let it go. Then she tells me she is 8weeks pregnant. Im not sure here.

 

There's no way that baby is yours. Even blood tests can't show up as positive six days after conception - it can take that long just for the egg to implant. THAT BABY IS NOT YOURS.

[youareworthy]

I have an appointment on tuesday.

 

How are you after that appointment?

 

Youareworthy

[willo2016]

It went ok. I did get something to help me relax and sleep at night. However the situation is jist snowballing. Nothingmakes any sense at all. She knows what buttons to push to get me all worked up

[willo2016]

I dod get a heads up that she was advised to get a psych eval . Bit thats allI was advised. An it almost seems that she is not pregnant and jist trying to see how much she can get me worked up.. I just dont know what to do.

[willo2016]

So now she send an email message saying that she will get a termination because she knows thats what I.want. she says she will handle it for me . So I ask what is it you need from me and she hung the phone up. I madebit so she could not call my phone and I deleted the email account that I used to chat with her. I just not sure if this is a game or not. I do known from a good source she did fake a pregnancy before like about 2 yrs ago. No sure whats going on here or what I should do. I think she is trying to hang on to me.

[youareworthy]

Dear Willo2016,

 

If she has chosen not to get a paternity test, even though you have asked for one, then I would consider that you are not the father, and block her completely. By letting her continue to contact you, you are allowing her to mess with your head. Don't give her that opportunity anymore! You deserve better than this mess!

 

Youareworthy