willo2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 We really havent spoken about that. It almost coming down that she is not even pregnant. It almost like we stopped our communicatins between one another. I may have to break and get to the bottom of this. But there is always something with her. Link to comment
youareworthy Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Dear Willo2016, Do you like this woman? Do you want to date her? Do you want to be her friend? If the answers to these questions are "No," then what are you staying around for? "There is always something with her." She may be doing what counselors call "creating a crisis." Sometimes a person will create controversy or trouble, simply to get your attention. She sounds like she may have unmet needs, and in her misguided efforts to meet those needs, she may be creating one crisis after another to keep you connected to her. I strongly advise you to send her one last email (don't send it by text), saying something like, "Dear _________, If you are pregnant, you should be able to tell with a pregnancy test; I am requesting that you have a paternity test to determine if I am the baby's father. Other than communications about the testing process and the results, I do not wish to have further contact. I feel that we will not make one another happy in the long run. Please do not contact me by any means, including phone, text, IM, email, social media sites, or in person. I wish you a very happy and good life. Willo2016" Link to comment
willo2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 I almost 100precent sure that she is not pregnant. Thing is I fall into these little traps of hey we have to talk we have to decide what we are going to do.. she tells me that she does and does not want me to take her to the clinic. Now she tells me for support and to be there with her.. I dont want that. Im just a little scared cause she has this playeed so good. Even has faked a pregnancy 2yrs ago. I just dont want to make any contact at all and just delete everything. Hoping she will jist go away. Link to comment
willo2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Its like I let my head play tricks on me Link to comment
youareworthy Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Yes, you are letting your head play tricks on you. And you are also letting HER play tricks on you! Go into No Contact with her. If she is not talking about the specific details of YOUR paternity test, you have nothing more to do with this, or her. Period. Youareworthy Link to comment
willo2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 Yes, you are letting your head play tricks on you. And you are also letting HER play tricks on you! Go into No Contact with her. If she is not talking about the specific details of YOUR paternity test, you have nothing more to do with this, or Ive been in that mode now. But my tricky mind keeps playing the what ifs and what about this and what about that. The obsession is kinda driving me nuts. I got answers but dont seem to want to think they are real because she has played with my mind. I am in the mind set that everything is a conspiracy and she has people working in her favor even know this situation is untrue. An she has convinced everyone to lie about i to favor that it is.. I have zero contact. Link to comment
youareworthy Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 I would bring up this paranoia with your therapist. This has gotten too far under your skin, my friend. Ask your therapist about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy--that will help you address the endless "what ifs" and the conspiracy theories. Both of these are cognitive distortions, and CBT helps you see your cognitive distortions and teaches you how to eliminate them. Another great therapeutic approach is called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and it uses CBT, along with other techniques and approaches. Both CBT and DBT are extremely valuable, and have helped me tremendously. Youareworthy Link to comment
willo2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Author Share Posted February 23, 2016 He knows about my paranoia. I told him I felt scared about this for some reason. But I kmow that it's not real and a game. Ive kept no contact now. But it seems like I want to avoid everything as well. But we a working on things. He suguessted I get a anti anxitey/depressant to as assist as well. An ill keep asking the samething over and over to him. Plus it seems like ill try and get everyones opionin as well on this matter too. Link to comment
youareworthy Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Hi Willo2016, I think getting an anti-anxiety medication and remaining in therapy are excellent tools for you right now! I am wondering if, for you, the notion of becoming a father is bringing out a lot of anxiety. I had a male friend who was harshly abused by his father. When my friend's high school girlfriend had a pregnancy scare, the only thing he could think to do was leave her because he was so terrified that he would become an abusive father, as his father had been. Is there something similar going on here? If so, I would definitely explore that with your therapist. My friend could really have used a therapist's help at the time, but he didn't have one. Youareworthy Link to comment
willo2016 Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 No problems like that at all growing up. Being a father is not a problem at all. I just dont like the idea everyrhing is a lie nd I have to go throught extremes to try and find out the truth. Plue she just likes to play games and bring drama. I guess I just the fact of dealing with her is causing the extreme anciety and that she knows how to push the right buttons. Link to comment
youareworthy Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I agree. Stick with therapy and no contact. You will heal. Link to comment
willo2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 I know. I hope it all works. I dont know why I cant shake it. Because everything is pointing to be so false. Link to comment
youareworthy Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 It is hard to let go of things sometimes. But you really will feel better with time, therapy, and no contact. You also need some other interest to distract your thoughts. Do you play an instrument or sing? Do you have a sport you love? Do you have a hobby or video game that can distract you from obsessing about this chick? Find other stuff to crowd the thoughts of that situation out. Youareworthy Link to comment
willo2016 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 I think the biggest problem is that i think everthing is a conspricy and that everyone is lying to me for her, because she told them to do that. So now im thinking she has everyone doing whatever she wants. An that has caused the problem for me. I know things are false and I keep repeating that however I always find the what ifs and the buts in there and this is what she said to me that is the problem. Link to comment
youareworthy Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Hi Willo2016, Ask your therapist to teach you the principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That is the direct antidote to all your "what ifs," "buts," and other disruptive or obsessive thoughts. If your therapist doesn't know about CBT, then 1. get a different therapist, and 2. Google Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and learn as much as you can about it, and start using it to control your thoughts. You sound like you may have needed help with some distorted thinking even before you met this young lady. Write back after have read about CBT. Especially pay attention to what the different distortions are. Then learn how to replace distorted thoughts with truth. You will heal if you master this skill (and you CAN master it!). It is not a difficult skill. It just requires practice. Good luck! Youareworthy Link to comment
willo2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 I took a look at sotes on cbt . An yes some situations will wprk for me. Like the irrational thinking and how to make myself believe she did not conspire to have them lie. An the one to remove the anxious situation from you life. Link to comment
youareworthy Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Dear Willo2016, Excellent!!! Hooray! I found a great website about this. It is called Coloradocounseling. Go to the Question and Answer Section (on the left hand sidebar). These questions and answers are really helpful! The Miscellaneous Questions section at the bottom has a great question about books on CBT. If you click on that question, you will read about two of my favorite books: the pioneering work in CBT by Dr.David Burns, called Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, and its workbook, The Feeling Good Handbook. You cannot go wrong with these! I am sure you can find them cheaply online if you search for them, and I know they are also in libraries. Both are superb! I haven't read the other books there, but I am sure they are also great. When my therapist taught me CBT in 2001 right after my divorce, I immediately began to use it. He told me that he had never had a client take it and run with it so quickly; but I HAD TO because I was in so much emotional pain. CBT saved my mental health! In the summer of 2015, I learned DBT also, and it has had a profound positive effect on my life as well. You are on the right track, and I am so excited for you!!! Youareworthy Link to comment
willo2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Author Share Posted March 6, 2016 Not sure what to do here cause im still feeling the same. Seems like nothing is working and im still having the irrational thoughts. Not sure what route to take. Im second guess everything and what ifs arw even worse Link to comment
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