we were on a break?

[heyguys]

When a bf says we need a break, not specific to for how long, and then a few days later goes out with another girl....is that wrong somehow? This happened a few days after he called a break...we never agreed to see other ppl, but still I dont know. The weird thing is he text me the day before he went out with her to wish me a great day. I ignored it so he could tell i was hurt from the break. The next day my friend said she SAW him out with another girl. I called pretending I knew nothing and he sounded al happy and said he was driving home from his night class when he was really driving home from going out with her. Why did he lie to me if we were on a BREAK? The next day he came over and he addmited to it and apologized for lying but we still should take time apart. then we agreed to see other people but he said he loved me and knew we'd end up together in the end...just right now he needs time. i said ok (but we had kind our last sexual encounter). the next day I myself run into him and that same girl. what would you all do or think if this happened to you.I knew when we had sex that day that we were still agreeing to see other ppl, but it still hurtful and too soon for me to see him with someone else the next day. A month later he comes back, its my bday, and says he loves me and they only went out those 2 times....and he felt weird seeing her after running into me at the movies that day I saw them. well any comments please.

[Doctor Smurf]

Im not too sure of your situation, but is he placing your proper value on you? I mean is he just using you (Sorry if that sounds horrible), is he treating you like he should? You sound liek you deserve someone who does.

[sweetchick]

hmmm I would diffently just break up with him and move on. First he said he just wanted a break and then right after that he's out with another girl, sounds like to me he just said he wanted a break so he could be with her so it wouldnt really be cheating. And for the sex thing goes, dont have sex with him no more. If he really loves you as much as he says he does he wouldn't want a break from you and go hangout with another girl.

[heyguys]

i know...many times I do feel like I have put up with hurtful things by him but I love him so much its hard to let go. we have been seeing eachother for almost four years now so its kinda hard to just kick him to the curb after this. we had a wonderful valentines day. i just really care about him...and i know he does too....well we are trying...im not sure anymore...i just dont want it to come to the point where i seem pathetic and foolish. i want to maintain and regain his respect and i want to build trust again....im just not sure how to go about doing that, without throwing stuff back in his face

[coasty]

You have to just let him go. I think he is just stringing you along. He is just trying to avoid all the trouble that a REAL breakup would cause. He knows that if you think he might come back that you will wait for him and let him do whatever he wants to do. Don't put up with it. You deserve so much better. Believe that!

[DN]

What reasons did he give for wanting a break?

What do you know was wrong with the relationship?

What d you think he saw as wrong with it but didn't tell you?

What do you want to happen?

What do you thinK he wants to happen?

 

You must answer these questions to analyse what went wrong so that if you do get back together you can prevent them happening again.

 

As a general note: when a partner asks for "a break" always agree what a break means - seeing other people or not, how much time apart before a talk to decide what to do next, things like that so you both know what is expected.

 

Make sure you actually do want him back before trying to make that happen

[11flower]

I think DN is giving you hope for being together with your bf, which is good.

 

But I agree with what coasty said. Your bf will do this again. He is avoiding the troubles of breakup and lying to you. It is not you who should change to please him. He may very well do this again.

 

It will be painful to break up, but time does heal and it may help you to get as much support as possible, when you need it, from the divorce or break up forums. You have been together closely for 4 yrs, but you can find someone who treats you with what you do deserve, contrary to how this bf is treating you.

 

Sorry and I know this is so painful.

 

11Flower

[DN]

Please do not misconstrue what I posted. I have no idea if you will be able to get back together - I am merely suggesting a way of dealing with the situation if you do.

[11flower]

And again, DN, this is nice of you and does offer a way to deal with her hope of getting back together. Nothing wrong with what you said , dearheart.

 

11flower

[DN]

[heyguys]

ok..well i guess i wasnt clear....but this all happened about 3 months ago and we started to see eachother exclusivley again. he apoligized and promised he wouldnt lie like that again and be more open if he has a problem. so we are back together for 3 months. i guess my problemw as letting go of what happened..forgiving and forgetting....i have forgiven, but sometimes the idea of it all still gets to me...we are doing good and he si treating me fine...but when i bring it up it causes problems and he says im sorry, but i cant chane what has happened, just stop living in the past, i love you and i am with you now...

[DN]

I think you must decide to trust him if you want this relationship to continue. Constantly bringing it up and making him apologise over and over is toxic to the relationship and will eventually destroy it. There is not much point discussing it again to resolve differences because it is only that you will not forget that is the problem now.

 

You may be right about what happened, And it seems you want him, people on here, or anyone else who will listen to validate your feelings. But you will be validated - and also alone. I am sure that is not what you want.

 

So resolve to put it behind you, tell him that you have done so and get on with making the relationship better.

[mt_joy]

He wanted a break so he could see other people. It had nothing to do with you. He doesn't want to be comitted to any one person. I can't believe you took him back. You weren't good enough the first time around, he dated other girls, probably got dumped, and came back to you? I wouldn't have done the same. He would be sorry he left me in the first place because I would be long gone by now. But you made your decision so stick to it and learn to trust him and get over it.