Zovi Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Okay so I've been with my boyfriend for going on 6 months. I keep thinking about the bad stuff that's happened in the past and it makes me really upset and feel stressed. I have told him about it a little bit but I don't think he realises how serious it is and he gets upset that I haven't forgotten about it. I keep thinking about how; when we first met he barely spoke to me and was blatantly rude to me we had sex wayyyyy too early but I realise I have some of the blame for that He didn't use a condom and I had to get the morning after pill - yet again yes maybe this was partially my fault too but he asked me if he should bring some and I said no because I didn't want him to be expecting sex from me, (he was staying over since he lives 200 miles away) he had condoms at home, there was nothing stopping him from hiding them in a compartment in his suit case so that if it did end up happening he'd be prepared and if it didn't then I would be none the wiser (unless I was going to ransack his luggage but if your partner is like that you shouldn't be with them) it should always be the guys responsibility with condoms, it's going on YOUR body so YOU need to be prepared , I wouldn't expect a guy to bring a female condom since that's obviously MY responsibility. I know I should of just said "bring some but we probably won't" but I didn't think it through, I just think it was so stupid of him since it's entirely illogical, even though this was months ago it still upsets me. He chose not to sleep in my bed- whenever we stay at his house we aren't allowed to even sleep in the same room- at mine we can and I have 2 beds in my room and he chose to sleep on a separate bed even though I was very obviously upset about it. I'm not used to having to forgive the guy, with my last relationship if anyone was making a few mistakes most of the time it was me. I find it really hard to forgive him and I just can't. I keep considering breaking up but I don't want to but maybe I have to Maybe some of you will view these things as very minor BUT different people feel differently and what I feel upset about could be different from what you feel upset about so maybe it is quite minor but it still makes me upset. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Why did you have sex with a guy that was rude to you? You don't have "some of the blame" for that, you have all of the blame for that. Did he force you into it? You could have said no. Then it is his fault again, because he didn't have a condom....WTH? So you obviously weren't on the pill, you had unprotected sex with a guy who treated you badly, and you are blaming him. I think you need to break up with him, and then do work on yourself to realise that you need to take responsibility for your actions. You cant go through life blaming everyone else. Link to comment
Liefde Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Was this the first time you ever had sex or was it just the first time you had it with him? Link to comment
trust101 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Okay so I've been with my boyfriend for going on 6 months. I keep thinking about the bad stuff that's happened in the past and it makes me really upset and feel stressed. I have told him about it a little bit but I don't think he realises how serious it is and he gets upset that I haven't forgotten about it. I keep thinking about how; when we first met he barely spoke to me and was blatantly rude to me we had sex wayyyyy too early but I realise I have some of the blame for that He didn't use a condom and I had to get the morning after pill - yet again yes maybe this was partially my fault too but he asked me if he should bring some and I said no because I didn't want him to be expecting sex from me, (he was staying over since he lives 200 miles away) he had condoms at home, there was nothing stopping him from hiding them in a compartment in his suit case so that if it did end up happening he'd be prepared and if it didn't then I would be none the wiser (unless I was going to ransack his luggage but if your partner is like that you shouldn't be with them) it should always be the guys responsibility with condoms, it's going on YOUR body so YOU need to be prepared , I wouldn't expect a guy to bring a female condom since that's obviously MY responsibility. I know I should of just said "bring some but we probably won't" but I didn't think it through, I just think it was so stupid of him since it's entirely illogical, even though this was months ago it still upsets me. He chose not to sleep in my bed- whenever we stay at his house we aren't allowed to even sleep in the same room- at mine we can and I have 2 beds in my room and he chose to sleep on a separate bed even though I was very obviously upset about it. I'm not used to having to forgive the guy, with my last relationship if anyone was making a few mistakes most of the time it was me. I find it really hard to forgive him and I just can't. I keep considering breaking up but I don't want to but maybe I have to Maybe some of you will view these things as very minor BUT different people feel differently and what I feel upset about could be different from what you feel upset about so maybe it is quite minor but it still makes me upset. If you keep thinking you should break up with your boyfriend it does not sound like a healthy relationship. Link to comment
Zovi Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 Very true, I just can't let go of the past and to be honest I'm a bit of a loner and I only really have one real friend so I guess I'm scared of breaking up with him because I would be sooo alone without him. Link to comment
Liefde Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Mmmmm! If we turn time 9 months back, was life really so scary alone that you now are willing to stay in a relationship you question and stress about? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Very true, I just can't let go of the past and to be honest I'm a bit of a loner and I only really have one real friend so I guess I'm scared of breaking up with him because I would be sooo alone without him. You're either dwelling because you have nothing more productive to do, which could be why you're with someone who you believe mistreated you in the first place--or this guy showed you his true colors from the start and you're recognizing your mistake in overlooking that. Either way, continuing to raise past incidents will make your decision FOR you, because the guy will grow weary of this and do the breaking up for both of you. So either this guy is worth moving forward with, or he's not. Make a choice about that while you still have the option, because you can't have it both ways. Link to comment
Zovi Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 Well back then all my friends were still at school, since about then they all left school and left me to complete the last year all by myself. I talk to a few people at school but I definitely wouldn't class them as friends since they are very nasty at Times and I still meet up with one of the girls that left but only now and again so about once a week or 2 weeks. So back then I would have more people to turn to and mainly just people to have a nice laugh with to try to forget about the pain of having a break up but now I don't have any of that, I always text him literally about all the time I barely have anyone else to talk to. around that time I actually did go through a break up with someone else and having fun at lunch and in class with people definitely helped get my mind off it. So it would without a doubt be really hard if we did break up. Link to comment
Liefde Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Zovi what troubles me is this " I keep thinking about the bad stuff that's happened in the past and it makes me really upset and feel stressed. I have told him about it a little bit but I don't think he realises how serious it is and he gets upset that I haven't forgotten about it. I keep thinking about how; when we first met he barely spoke to me and was blatantly rude to me we had sex wayyyyy too early"! I end up with this feeling every time I read this that you can do better, even things like "BWS" comes to mind. It looks like you are in a corner and is letting this person do more than you really would like to do, due to the circumstances you are in. I hope I'm wrong! Link to comment
Zovi Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 It's definutly not anything as serious as BWS. I think he's just annoyed that I'm bringing stuff up that he can't do anything about, he has apologized for everything but to me it's not enough and I'm still battling with whether we need to break up or not. He wasn't that rude, just when I tried to make conversation and asked things like "how are you?" he'd just say "good" and not ask me or even say thank you. The whole sex thing was both of our fault, to be honest we got carried away and I didn't want to at the start but after a while I was like "whatever" and now I think I should of thought about it more and left it off at least a month and definitely not done anything without contraception but I do still blame him for the condom thing because that was pure stupidity on his Part. To answer your question before, it was his first time but not mine. Link to comment
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