Giving up on someone you love....

[tacotaco]

I believe the heart knows when to stop, ever since my ex and i have been apart, i feel that i love him even more. And that someday we will be together again. It may not be tomorrow and i'm sure we both moved on with our lives, but someday...i just know it. i can feel it in my soul. Some may say i'm living on false hopes but in all honesty i don't believe that, if my heart says don't let go, i won't let go, i'm willing to take risk even if it kills me, because i believe in true love, and i believe i could overcome anything if i wanted to.

 

To make this short, i just want to say sure sometimes its better to let go but if you really really love someone, and know something special is there, don't give up so easily and be true to yourself. Most relationships probably crumble and fall because people aren't honest enough----instead they decide to hide, cheat, or run from it all. It would be unfair to be with someone you didn't love.

 

I also see a lot of people on here talk about thier ex and how much they "miss" them, it hurts me to see others hurt because they werent able to try.

 

Always tell them how you feel and be honest. Whether the relationship is happening or not, just be true to yourself. It is what matters the most esp. if something is important to you. Its never impossible to be with someone you love, it just takes a lot of courage and strength.

[Hopingpraying]

I understand what your saying Taco, I really do, however, it takes two, and if you are the only one that feels that way you are setting yourself up for some major disappointment.

I so want my ex-wife to ask for me back, but I am moving on with my life, and if she does decide to do that I will have a huge decision to make.

 

I am currently seeing a wonderful woman, and it would be hard to leave her. We have been dating for over six months now, but I know in my heart that I still love my wife, and not her. I still have my daughter to think about.

 

I have no idea what to do. But for you.. I say continue to move on, if it happens it happens.

[chai714]

Its never impossible to be with someone you love, it just takes a lot of courage and strength.

 

There are many people who have "hope." Hope though, is a motionless, actionless thought in your head, which provides comfort to many.

 

I have always been action-oriented. I believe things happen when people take action. Luck plays a very small factor in ending up with the one you want, but when it all boils down, we get the ones we want because of our actions. How we make them feel is what is important.

 

A common fallacy is when people start thinking, "how I feel is what matters most." This could not be more wrong. This is selfish, and does not get you far. Don't believe me? Tell your ex that you miss them. How does this make them feel? First of all, it empowers them. Second, it puts pressure on them - if they don't miss you, what will they say? The bottom line: think about what you're going to say before you say it, and always consider how your actions will affect the way THEY feel, and don't put your feelings on them. To do this, you must exert a huge amount of self-discipline - something the majority of the population does not have.

[RayKay]

Of course you fall more in love with them...because you are thinking of them all the time, and still living for them, rather than for you. Obsessing does that - it occupies our thoughts with the person until we cannot see how there can ever be anyone else.

 

Look, I have been there as many of us have. We don't just "give up". For months I felt like he would come to his senses - we remained friends, but I always clung to the thought he would miraculously come back and would not listen to anyone. I figured patience would see me through.

 

Then one day, I realized I was absolutely emotionally exhausted. I had given everything I could. I had fought - but the thing is you CANNOT fight for something that does not want to be won. Ex's come back only when they want too...and when they do, it is rare it works next time around. Before they broke up with you they had thought hard about the decision, for whatever reason they just know you are NOT right for them. They cannot change that.

 

It takes TWO. You can believe it is true love for you, and that it will overcome all...but what about how your ex feels? He would need to feel the same way. It takes BOTH people to commit to a relationship.

 

Did I love my ex? VERY much, and I still do love him, but that love has changed. Once I let go, I stopped obsessing, I put the love for ME first again. I realized I was not going to ask for anything less than I deserved. I would not settle for loving someone so deeply who could not return it to me. I moved on. I healed. I loved myself again. And I dated.

 

And in time, after I had healed and move on, I met the most wonderful man who does give to me what I deserve. Who is as equally committed as I am. Whom I don't feel exhausted about thinking of all the time and how they are not with me. If I had not let go, I would never of met him. I would be missing out on something wonderful and still be stuck. I am glad now my ex let me go...glad that he freed me to meet the man who loves me 100% and is sure I am "right", and I feel same in return. Glad he set me free to meet someone who could provide what he couldn't...glad he was honest that I was not right for him.

 

My ex is special to me, and we are good friends. And I do not regret what we had at all, it brought me to where I am today. I truly believe that there are reasons for things, and all those past relationships, those that did not work, just pointed me right to where I needed to be and I am so grateful everyday for that. Without my past, I would not have found my future, or been ready for what I have found in my new relationship.

 

We cannot truly feel the depths of love until we also go through the pain.

 

It is not fair to say that if we really really love someone we won't let go. If we really love someone yes we want to fight, but we also find their happiness important. If I am not "right" for the person I love, then they should be set free to find that one who is, in the same way they set us free. I do not want someone who is unhappy to stay with me, or someone constantly in doubt...I want someone who is 100% there with me. That is what I deserve, and realized I needed and wanted..and once I started to ask for that and take nothing less, is when I got it.

[vhshowdown]

I wish you luck Taco. I am right where you are thinking will happen. My EX has called me several times since we broke up. We may have had a chance. Well, now she contacted me a couple weeks ago, and we saw each other first time in 6 months. I thought I was over her, but as we saw each other more and more, I knew I would never lose feelings for her!!

Second chances dont happen that often, so when they do, if the timing is right, we need to make the most if it....

 

But like Hoping was saying it has to be 2. She told me she didnt want to get hurt again, she didnt want a relationship (unsaid, but especially with me I think). Now I have proven to both of us that we can be very happy together, but she wont come in with an open attitude about it. I dont know why she contacted me. I know now I want her back, she wont even consider it I am thinking now.....

 

So now what do I do?? She is telling me she is going out with someone else now and she just wants me as a friend, even though we had sex last week. I am ok with going out with other people, but when she is telling me she just wants to be friends..... no way!!

 

So, if it does happen to you Taco, be very careful, I cause I am feeling just like we did the first time we broke up, my heart is in my throat, etc..... and I thought I was emotionally ready!!

[vhshowdown]

Very good post RayKay. I think that is where I am at right now.. Obsessing, and I will do anything and let her do anything just to get her back.... and that is wrong. I had problem with letting go before, and I am there all over again now, and it hurts real bad....

 

how did you remain friends??

[RayKay]

Very good post RayKay. I think that is where I am at right now.. Obsessing, and I will do anything and let her do anything just to get her back.... and that is wrong. I had problem with letting go before, and I am there all over again now, and it hurts real bad....

 

how did you remain friends??

 

It was definitely not easy!

 

On my part it took a lot of patience, frustration, sadness but commitment to it.

 

On his part, it took the same.

 

We had to be honest with one another, but also considerate and respectful and not try to hurt one another.

 

We had to both want to remain friends and give equally in the effort to do so. If only one of us was putting in effort, it would not have worked, It was a trying time for us both, as we had to redefine the relationship and the boundaries, but it was important to us. And we also needed it since we are involved in the same sport/racing community and sit on the same boards for the association.

 

Sometimes you need some distance/time apart before you can be friends, but I know this is tough to do as well.

 

It took months to figure it all out! In the end it was as I said definitely worth it, and it is also just a pure friendship now.

[vhshowdown]

Well, I dont have to see my EX everyday, and she just moved to the othe rside of town, so we wont run into each other probably. I guess the problem is that I thought we were working on it, now its like she put on the brakes, even though she said up front she didnt want it......

 

I dont think I can go from having what I wanted to being a friend. So, I am now left with do I go to NC, or do I stay in the picture?? i may have no choice, last time we saw each other a couple days ago, we did spend all evening together, had alot of fun, then she told me her knew bf was coming over, if I had a problem with it. Well, I did, I said a couple things like well that sucks, got up, and walked out the door without saying a word, and she just sat there with her mouth open..... so let the obsessing begin.... and I hate it

[Day_Walker]

Its never impossible to be with someone you love, it just takes a lot of courage and strength.

 

I am going to disagree with that statement, it depends on how you define "with" if you mean that you are going to be together with them then I have a strong disagreement. Just because you love a person doesnt mean or require them to love you back. It doesnt necessarily have to be the case that if two people love eachother that they will be together either. Now it is a nice thought that we should be with the person we love, but that doesnt always happen in reality. The point is that because you love a person doesnt mean you are "meant to be" it just means that you have and emotional connection with that person.

[tacotaco]

Haha no, some of you misunderstood me for the most part, maybe i should have explained myself better.

 

Anyway, i totally agree that you can't make someone be with you if they no longer wanted to but it isn't impossible either. Probably just a very rare thing to happen esp. these days. Plus everyone is different. Though i am very optimistic and a true love at heart i must say I don't really care to be with anyone actually. I could be happy alone. Otherwise i would probably rather be unhappy with someone i love than be happy with someone i didn't.

 

I respected his decisions, he didn't have to tell me anything or even breakup with me because i knew it would happen. But if i didn't know him any better, i'd say that he still feels the same way. The thing is i feel sometimes like "something" is between us and theres no way i can reach out to him because of it. And i'm torn because i know if this was to happen, he would breakdown and cry wanting to be with me again.

 

I love him. I have let him go, he flew away because he was my angel and that is what he wanted, he was lost, he was confused, of course it would be crazy not to move on with my life. Though i have moved on gratefully, it feels really great knowing someone out there loves you and no longer need to be with anyone else.

 

[Lucky to say, i know i am not obsessing over my ex because if i wanted to, i would have gone completely psycho, chasing after him with an ax instead for the past few months lol.] If my ex doesnt want to be with anymore, that's ok, i love and was loved. And happy it has happened either way. Practically, i care about everyone. I realize i don't feel i need to fall in love with a lot of people just to fulfull/find happiness. God is with me.