HOW DO I OVERCOME SELF DOUBT?

[Anxious_Heart]

What is it that causes a person to doubt themselves. why is it I doubt myself from succeeding in just about everything, I try hard to discipline myself to work hard, do school, stay physically and mentally strong, and move forward in life but i keep making the same mistakes and I keep falling behind in everything, if it's work or school which i have'nt finished or debt and especially relationships, i feel to insecure to get involved because i keep screwing up.

So how do i overcome my own self doubt, and what causes it, any relation would be nice, I don't wanna feel like i'm the only one going through this cause i know i'm not.

[DN]

every one has self doubts except people who are over-confident. Much depends on the degree - if they stop you doing anything that is different from just doubting and going ahead anyway.

 

Do you set yourself standards, goals that are unrealistic to start with?

 

What mistakes do you keep repeating? - that is maybe the more important part of your post

[Anxious_Heart]

With finances, i'm saving to get an S.U.V but i keep wasting money on stupid things and going out when i should'nt, thats generally where my money goes. I've always been in shape, but at the same time, I've always lacked motivation, i'll wanna work hard one day then the next day I don't care for it.

Same with school, I need to finish, i keep saying that but i never do it, i swear i must be genetic, but anyway, these kinds of mistakes hold me back, lack of motivation, and procrastination, I know what the problems are, i just don't know how to overcome them.

[almost there]

Hi!

 

Maybe try viewing success as something that is not defined by the number of things you're involved in, but by how much passion and confidence you put into them. Not by the number (which might be impressive), but by the quality. It's good that you have goals, but maybe you need to realize that you might have to change them to be more confident. Also, try to remember the times when you felt happy and in a way balanced. Go for that feeling again! Good luck

[Anxious_Heart]

It's very hard to take a good emotion from a single moment and keep it locked in my mind for days where i'm working hard at whatever it is i'm doing, but your right ALMOST THERE.

Thanks for listening or writing back I appreciate it.

[DN]

give yourself small rewards when you achieve something. If you want to buy something expensive and curb yourself buy an ice-cream or inexpensive treat - spend a couple of bucks instaed of a couple of hundred. Same with exercise - if you don't feel like going but go reward yourself in some little way.

 

Also give yourself mental pats on the back. looat what tennis players do to pump themselves further up when they make a hard shot - be enthusiastic with yourself for success and forgive but learn fromyour mistakes.

[Anxious_Heart]

Thats a good idea, don't know about the ice cream though, too many calories (jokes) I love the idea of strength, discipline and intelligence, being better than normal standards physically and mentally, but it's so hard to fnid the motivation and competition (which drives me) but while these things are'nt around i'll have to try your idea...thanks DN

[mandyglass]

Instead of focusing on the things you have not yet accomplished, try to think of all the things you have done... Did you make someone's day brighter by just smiling at them? That is huge!!! Maybe your goals should be not about yourself, but about God and his will... Spread as much Joy into this world everyday and you will have accomplished tenfold what you would have on your own... Okay, so maybe you didn't get your workout in, or you didn't get your homework done... Have you said something nice to anyone lately? That is way more beneficial in the grand scheme of things, don't you think?

[Anxious_Heart]

Yea i guess your right mandy, but truthfully, me making another person smile is'nt gonna make me smile, how can you help someone else feel good when you can't even help yourself?

[mandyglass]

It sounds to me like you won't allow yourself to be happy... Like maybe you feel deep down like you don't deserve to be? If your life makes someone's, anyone's day a little better, why can't you allow the same for yourself? Think of all the things you do throughout your day that make a contribution. My advice would be to concentrate on those things... Like giving someone a compliment, or smiling at someone, or helping someone out in any way that you can. Then maybe you wouldn't be so hard on yourself. Concentrate on what you did today, not what you didn't. Ultimately, what you did accomplish is all that matters. If you start to appreciate all that you do, the confidence that comes from that will make all the things you have yet to do seem much more attainable. Don't think about what you haven't done, those things will still be there tomorrow. Remember that you have been chosen and are loved and that you really do deserve to be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jaela]

Hi Anxious Heart. I read somewhere once in a book called "Don't Sweat the Small stuff" that we all must remember that our 'inbox' is never empty. Meaning, there will ALWAYS be things we've meant to do/haven't gotten around to doing yet, and this is in fact a good thing! What I do is write down a list at the beginning of the day of all the things I hope to accomplish for that day. Then throughout my day, I will check my list and check things off as I do them. Usually they are small things (feed kittens, clean kitty boxes, vaccuum room, wash sheets, homework), etc ... eventually everything gets done at my leisure, and I feel a sense of accomplishment.

 

I am a huge horrible procrastinator so I can definitely relate to you on that level! I learned a neat trick to helping a procrastinator get something accomplished. Think about something bigger and more impossible that needs to be done, and you will naturally want to do the 'smaller stuff', anything! to avoid doing that huge impossible task. This is a great way of getting small things done because in my mind I'm avoiding doing something I don't want to do, so instead busy myself with other chores.

 

I lack confidence in myself as well, and this is something I'm slowly learning to readjust. Alot of it comes from automatic negative thinking, as well as feeling anxious if I do happen to make a mistake. Right now I'm allowing myself to make mistakes as much as possible because to error means to be human. Don't be so hard on yourself, and get out there and accomplish those dreams

[Jaela]

As for your finances and saving up for your SUV, what I would suggest is writing down that goal and posting it somewhere in your room where it remains visible and can be a constant reminder for yourself of what you hope to achieve. Next, sit down and figure out your income and how much your willing to spend each week on leisurely fun things, and how much you want to set aside for your goal of an SUV. Be diligent with this! Take control of this goal NOW and don't let it control you. If you have an urge to spend, talk with someone you trust (family or friends) who may be willing to hang on to your money for you to make sure you DONT spend it. Budget yourself, and that SUV will soon be yours. Keep us posted