Am I doing right thing?

[dreamyjane]

Hello everybody!

 

First of all, I want to apologize for my english. I´m sure, that I will make mistakes in this post. But I´m still learning how to speak english, so please...be kind to me. Thanks for understanding!

 

I just wanna really talk with someone who won´t judge my story. We are people and we make mistakes. It´s normal.

 

My ex boyfriend dumped me a month ago. He tried to win me back, but I told him, that I can´t trust him anymore and he really hurt me. In my opinion, it was really one of the cruel ways how to break up with someone.

We were together five years. This year he went to abroad cause of job. I haven´t seen him all year and I´ve tried so hard to see him, but he had problems with money cause of his job... His mother pushed him so hard to go abroad, because she was sure, that he will make lots of money there, but it didn´t happen. He needs "fast" money cause of his student´s loan.

The day when I paid my flight ticket, I reserved our accommodation...I was so happy and guess what he did! Yes, he was telling me how I gave him mixed signals, how I am unhappy in our relationship and he knows how I am good to him and he isn´t...and if it´s not better for us to break up...cause he´s so loser and he´s pulling me down. I wasn´t happy this year, cause I haven´t seen him for a year and I don´t think it´s normal...so I told him, that if he can´t give me, what I need, that we should break up. But he´s always started to care more about our relationship. I couldn´t go to see him after what he did to me.

Then his mum told me that he has problem with weed. I didn´t know about this! I know that he smoked weed occasionally and I hadn´t problem with it at all...but what his mum told me about him freaked me out... and caused me so much pain...I promised her, that I won´t tell him about our conversation. The truth is they have really bad relationship, he isn´t even speaking with her... It is hard for me to believe it, but I was with him always in LDR, so that´s the main reason how I didn´t know what trouble he has...

I told him, that I always loved him as person and I don´t wanna change him, but I can´t trust him anymore...that I want to see him as responsible man, who will fix his life (that he will pay back loan, go back to school, have job). He was really mean to me, when he found out, that I want to be alone for now. But I know how it is hard after breakup and I said also something really hurtful...

He did something for me and I was really suprised. He went from abroad to neighboring country, took there job and he is really working. We are really closer now (distance). He believed, that we fix our relationship, cause we truly love each other. So I guess it is first step to see him doing something, but I can´t trust him. He promised me to change his issues with weed, but I can´t trust someone on distance with this kind of issue...

But I can´t believe it. He was always so good, sensitive, funny and loving partner. But this year was full of disappointment...

I was sad, that I can´t help him with his issues. But I´m 100% sure, that if I stay with him, he will never move on with his own life... He must become mature man...but the sad point is, that he is 28 years old... I really love him and I´m sad that he didn´t trust me enough to talk about his issues...but he told me, he knew that I would dumped him if I knew about his issues. If he didn´t tell me about break up, I wouldn´t...cause I love him will all my heart.

I´m too tired to have LDR. He told me, that he wants to make lots of money and then find job in my city. But I can´t trust him, it really hurts.

I told him, that I need time on my own right now. He accepted my decision. I have difficult time, but I want to teach him lesson about life. All I do now is because of my love to him. Maybe it seems really crazy...but people don´t change so fast. And I can´t wait for him all my life...but I really love him so much...so I still believe in him and I don´t know really why, what´s wrong with me? All my friends told me to move on, that he won´t change and he is totally lost...

I want to focus on my study now and move on, but it is really hard...

I have always believed that people change for love, but I don´t think so. They change for themselves.

 

Again, I´m really sorry for my english. It´s really hard to talk about this in another language!

[truelovemel]

Dear Dreamyjane,

 

Focusing on your study and moving on is hard after 5 years,

especially when you are hurting and feel that the most significant person in your life has betrayed your trust.

It sounds like the best thing you can do for yourself right now is take some time to heal.

 

Do things that you enjoy with your friends, and don't worry about him, whether he can or cannot change.

Don't try and make any decisions about him and your relationship right now, just focus on yourself.

If he wants you, then he can wait. For now, let him and his mum deal with his problems.

It's time for you to take care of yourself, sweety.

[dreamyjane]

Dear truelovemel,

 

thank you so much for your advice It really helped me!

I am only day 3 of NC. I told him, that I need my space. He is still contacting me, but I´m ignoring him for my sanity.

I am feeling taken for granted, because he knows how much I love him.

I´m not sure if he will ever realised what he's done. That´s the main reason why I´m not talking to him.

Only time will reveal...and I know, that people can change but it takes months, years.

I just don´t want to wait for him another year. He must deal with his problems on his own.

And it´s really time for me to take care of myself. Thank you